Monday, 22 June 2009
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You're Not Raising a Child. You're Raising an Adult.
"You're not raising a child. You're raising an adult." - Aibellfaerie
I don't think a lot of modern parents are raising anything. They have no end product in mind; they merely want this crying annoyance to go away. So they give their kid anything to shut them up. Why not? They ascribe no meaning to it. This then teaches the kid that the truth doesn't matter; instead, raising a fuss and threatening trouble unless you are bought off is an acceptable way to get through life.
These people then grow older, and rather than working together to create a vision, they just spend their time gaming the system with each other.
Do you agree with the poster on this?
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- From: moritheil@xanga
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Comments (15)
yes, I agree!
I do not agree because thats not how Im raising my daughter... She gets discplined... and explined what she did wrong... and is taught manners... etc
I agree. Even though I don't have kids yet, a lot of parents I see do that.
I don't raise my daughter that way, but I have seen it done that way. It's ridiculous what parents let their kids get away with.
I agree with the statement, but as for the rest...Ah no - that parents are not thinking of the end product?. Every parent has some kind of plan for their child and hopes and aspirations, even if they are minimal....
"I don't think a lot of modern parents are raising anything"
Firstly that sentence makes little sense and secondly it is a huge genralisation of modern parents.
Even the strictest parents sometimes give in. IMO when it comes to positive discipline, you have to pick your battles and teach your child in a way that aligns with your ideals and morals and hope for the best.
Children eventually become adults, and often adults make decisions that have no reflection on their upbringing.
I think in many (and most definitely not most or all) cases, yes, I agree. We live in a society with a short attention span--that goes for the parents as well as the children. I'm not sure that I have a solution to the problem, other than to point out that I really wonder if people realize what they're getting into when they decide (planned or not) to have a child...Now who knows, I could end up being a terrible parent who has no idea how to raise and discipline my children; but I suppose time will tell.
i don't agree at all actually
I don't have any kids myself
but my friends and cousins do
and when I talk to them, you can hear the hopes and dreams for the future
sure kids have tantrums and sometimes parents give in to make it stop
but not the the point the writer is trying to make it out to be
obviously there are bumps along the road
but this poster is really really cynical and over exaggerating a bit I think!
hehe although it's true that there are EVERY types of parent out there, so I'm sure some parents like this exist, but I think it's the minority
and just an added though - I truly believe that over disciplining is as bad or worse than not disciplining enough
I would not want to be a kid in the 1800s where they literally WERE just tiny adults, without any joy or playfulness in their lives!
I believe you raise adults. You may have to water it down for young ones but the end goal is to shape them and equipt them to become adults. Good, responsible ones with a strong sense of what's wrong and right so they can stick by them. I believe that is how my parents raised me and I am grateful for it even though I hated it while growing up. I wouldn't have had it any other way... except maybe be less strict and talk to the kids about the whys and why nots.
I agree completely. I'm a young mother, but it amazes me how many older mothers who have teenagers and such seem to care more about being "cool". They want to be liked, and their kids' feelings matter when it comes to the littlest things (i.e. "Braxton doesn't like to take out the trash, do laundry, or cook because it makes her feel like a servant, so I do it. My parents ordered me around all the time and I didn't like it, so I don't want her to grow up hating me."). I think that's what's referred to as "modern parenting". It sucks and I'm afraid for the future.
Yeah, I do agree with it. I don't believe that it's the majority, but I do see a lot of parents that didn't plan (or prevent, but that's a whole 'nother soap-box topic) to have children and more yet that wanted their cute lil' baby to dress up in little clothes and love them unconditionally...when it's convenient for them. And now that that child is here? They go through the motions at best and hand them whatever they want just to shut them up and get them to go away while mommy or daddy is watching TV, on the computer or texting away to "friends" on an hourly basis at worst. That's also the very likely end result; adults with no values and lazy as the Summer day is long. It isn't that new of a concept, I see it enough in my own generation.
We are pretty strict with our kids. I do feel concerned about the future when I see how some kids are just spoiled rotten. BUT, I take comfort... cause I was spoiled as a kid- I got whatever I wanted (so long as my parents could afford it), I was a master manipulator, I had NO discipline, etc. But now as an adult- I am FAR from anything spoiled. I am happy with the little things in life, I consider myself a good and decent person. I only wish my parents disciplined me to DO something with my life.. but as an adult I've had to discipline myself to do that.
Anyways, my point is- all kids are different and we cannot predict what kind of adult they will grow into solely based on their upbringing.. there are many other factors to consider.
How many is "a lot"?
Thankfully I don't think all parents are falling into this trap, but I do feel that many are. Some of it has to do with our 'give me, give me, give me, instant reward' culture, I think.
I know some parents who are very consistent with their children and I know some who fit the description above.
We are expecting our first child in October. Luckily my husband and I agree on parenting issues (so far). We are not afraid to punish our child. You are really not helping your child learn anything about life if you let them have their way all the time or give in. Sure, there are specific situations where parental discretion is appropriate, but if you are always giving in (or even giving in part of the time, as I have seen with friends), your child learns that they can get what they want if they whine long enough or throw a big enough fit--and that's not the message I want to give my children.
I think above all, no matter what discipline method you use (time out, etc.), that CONSISTENCY is key! If your child knows the consequences of bad behavior are always going to be there, they will be much less likely to misbehave!
i agree, quote-unquote "parents" are too soft or too hard
A parent with a baby is raising a toddler...then a preschooler.. then a child...then a pre-teen....teenager....adult. A two year old shouldn't be treated like an adult anymore than you'd give a preschooler the car keys. Sometimes you have to focus on what your child is ready for, and what you can handle. An 18 month old can spend some time learning manners, but when he's really hungry, you can't insist he says "more, please" before you feed him! Every parent has a dream for their child...in the beginning the dream may just be a talking child instead of a crying child...but it is a valid dream nonetheless.