Monday, 22 June 2009
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My Son Has Sleepovers With a Girl
by Mama Bee My son is having his best friend spend the night tonight. They have been best friends for over 3 years and I must say, I enjoy having my sons' friends stay the night because each and every one of them are well behaved and just great kids.
I hear them giggling in my sons' room as they play his new game. They play tag, they fly kites, they race cars....you know, normal kid stuff.
His best friend, is a girl.
She's his age and they get along very well. When they have sleepovers, they don't sleep in the same bed. When she spends the night, she sleeps on the top bunk or the couch and he sleeps in his bed, same when he is at her house.
When they play together, they don't see the gender. My son will play in her kitchen and she will play with his transformers. He will play tennis on the Wii with her and she will play Dragon BallZ on the playstation with him.
They get along better than any kids I've ever seen. They have a respect for one another that most kids don't have until an older age. They are funny and can laugh for hours. If he gives her crap, she gives it right back. They have grown up with one another and even though they no longer go to the same school since my husband and I bought our house, they still keep in close contact and talk on the phone at least a few times a week. Her mother is one of my best friends so we see them often.
My husband, her parents and I all talked about weather we would be okay with the sleepover situation when the kids came and asked. We said yes, that is fine by us. We love and adore his friend, I trust her parents and most of all I trust my son. I don't think there is anything wrong with this right now. Sure maybe in a couple of years these boy/girl sleepovers won't be happening but right now, its ok.
What are your thoughts on having a sleepover with the opposite sex? What age do you think they should be stopped at? Did you ever have an opposite sex spend the night with you when you were younger?
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About the Author
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- From: mamabee
- About Me: Hi, I'm Mama Bee. I'm from Colorado and I've lived here my entire life. I'm happily married to the most amazing guy and have been for going on 3 years. I am a stay at home mom with 2 step sons that live with my husband and I full time. C is 6 and J is 5. My husband, Daddy Bee, and I have a daughter together. K is 15 months and is a miracle baby. I would like to have another baby but due to some health issues I've been told I may not be able to. I believe that is why God gave me my daughter and our boys. My family has and will always come first. Marriage and motherhood are hard, but the most rewarding things I've ever been able to experience in my life. We have our ups and downs, we're not perfect but we try, we live, and we learn. We laugh when things get hard and we are thankful when things are easy. With 3 kids our life never seems boring. I look forward to sharing my family with you!
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Comments (82)
I see no problem with it until they get to middle school age. That will be the time when they'll start going through puberty, going crazy over boys and girls and I dont think I could trust my child sleeping over the house of a friend of the opposite sex. However when they get old enough to have sex (16 IMO) or if I see that this really is just a really good guy/girl friend (they still need to be at least 16) then I'll be okay with it.
It'll be a problem when he's 13.
I think it's ok. My friend used to stay the night at my house til we were like 10 or 11. He just slept in a different room. But then we stopped hanging around each other as much.
We grew up together. He was a year older and knew me since I was born. So it wasn't any big deal.
it's not a big deal when they are young.
don't make it a big deal. when you make it a big deal is when they will start to notice that there's a "difference". the first time my parents said no to a sleep over with my best guy friend was just before i started to like guys. i firmly believe (and so do they) that it would have been fine if we kept it up until I really did start to like guys and I was uncomfortable with the situation.
And on top of that, I now have sleep overs with my best guy friends and of course, nothing has changed. We still laugh all night long and nothing happens.I used to have sleepovers with a boy when I was a kid, and we'd go camping together with his family and such. It was never a big deal, because our parents were always around, and like you described, we didn't pay any attention to gender. He moved away in 4th grade, but I'm guessing my parents would've stopped the sleepovers around 11 or 12.
They're fine until puberty hits.
When I was seven, my seven year old "boy best friend, mum!" grabbed at my then-non-existent breasts and asked me to bend over so that he could see my special parts. At the same time, I'm guessing that both yourself and the girl's parents are wonderful moms/dads, whereas he was sorta redneck.
Personally, once ANY sort of puberty hits, or he's heard the word va-jay-jay/sex/penis on Oprah or any other TV show, it's probably a good idea to stop. I mean, for all you know, they could be best friends until they're older, and then he could refuse to do something with her and she could shout rape/molestation and he would most likely get in a LOT of trouble.
I probably wouldn't allow my daughter to have sleepovers with boys, no matter how young she is. They can play together, whatever, but no sleeping over. Much like what @chayswag@xanga said, you never really know what a kid is curious about and showing each other "special parts" is never appropriate. I just personally think it's a bad idea. What will happen when you decide it's not a good idea, and your kids don't agree? You will have a fight on your hands, and what was once OK now isn't. Just my opinion...
Until I was 11 or 12 I hung out with my brother and his friends and had sleepovers with them whenever they spent the night at each others houses, we didn't consider anything weird about it. I would think that if the boy starts to hide his sleepovers or be ashamed about them than something might be going on, otherwise they could be just friends until way into high school.
It should always be fine
@IamKelleyK@xanga - mmhmm.
My boyfriend kept having sleepovers with his "girl best friend" who was "like a sister" to him after we started dating. Doesn't matter whether there's actually anything funny going on, after a certain age it's just inappropriate and causes talk.
@piratexXxlove@xanga - definitely. people are sexist tho and are sex crazed and think their children are perves too
At a certain age it really does become innapropriate, and it also may give him the wrong idea about relationships when he gets older.
I tend to agree with @IamKelleyK@xanga but I think maybe with close supervision it would be okay until the boy is 5 or 6. But I wouldn't allow it any older than that...boys grow up way too fast these days and by age 7 they are definitely interested in the "differences" between the sexes.
My brother had a best friend who was a girl and they had sleepover all through high school, they're both still in high school but she moved away but they still have sleepovers when they see each other. My mum never had a problem with it, because they were always friends and nothing more and at least one of them had a bf/gf most of the time. I don't know why it seemes so normal, but they were never interested in each other that way, it was more a brother-sister type relationship.
I have slept over at my best friends (male) house since 7th grade and we shared a bed because there was not another place for me to sleep. We were fine. We have a strictly platonic relationship and (even though I am married and have a child) if I went to go visit him we would still share a bed. its just so natural to us we hardly think about it anymore.
Hi there. I'm an 18 year olde girl and I have a few guy friends that are my age and live 70 miles away from me, so when they come and visit they typically spend the night.My parents usually go upstairs around ten and leave us hanging out in the living room with a pile of pillows and blankets. It's never been an issue. (We do make jokes but nothing actually happens ^_^).
I never had a sleepover with a guy until I was 17 haha.
But yeah once they become older it might be an issue, but right now I think it's ok.
My little sister used to have her best guy friend spend the night when they were in kidnergarten. They were the only two kidnergarteners in the school (it was a small church school). And our parents were fine with it. Obviously, it stopped once they got older.
I was that girl! When I was little, growing up, my best friend is a boy!! I slept over his house so MANY times, every Saturday to be exact for several years. We had so much fun! We would play outside, we would make up stories, we would do activities that were fun but we never thought of .. Whoops, (s)he's not the same gender as me.. Then it turned out later on that my best friend is gay.. But that doesn't matter to me. I will still love him and cherish those memories that we had together when I slept over at his house every Saturday. It was so much fun!!! I am grateful that both parents (mine and his') allowed us to do this! :) So yeah.. I do think this is OK! Of course, until the kids gets to a certain age.. :)
one of my best friends has a story along these lines.. and I just go his permission to share it.. he and his best friend growing up were born in the same hospital, he two hours before, and the moms became best friends. They were inseparable all through school, having sleep overs (even through high school), bon fire parties and spending all their time together. They were like twin. When it came time to date, they would set each other up with the people they thought the other should be with. They had both been single for awhile, and had just turn 23, when Ben (fake name) came up to Liz (fake name) at a party and said he had the perfect guy for he, someone he knew would make her happy. She said she didn't want to date anyone because of the last guy. Ben begged her to give his guy a chance. I saw that he really wanted her to meet this guy, so I helped put a little pressure on Liz and she caved. Ben told her to come to the coffee shop to meet her blind date the next afternoon, and she'd know him by the blue rose he'd be holding. I got a phone call that night and laughed myself silly. Liz had walked into the coffee shop, and there sat Ben. He asked her to marry him that night, and six months later they got married in Hawaii and are now due in two weeks with their 4th girl, no boys.
So, I don't see anything wrong with sleepovers.. I had tons of them right up until I left for college and most of my friends are guys. Its a matter of respect and watching for the signs that it may be time to stop the sleep overs.
I'd say you're probably fine. Every situation is different, but if you know and trust the other parents and they know and trust you and it is all supervised then I would think it would be ok. If you got a weird vibe from the other parents or the child or if they were left unattended for long periods of time then there might be an issue.
And it's funny that they put that picture up there with this article. I'm in the process of doing a painting of it. :)
@JJPrint3rd@xanga - That is a REALLY cute story.