by
Mama Ladybug "He doesn't love you" My mom told me. "Your Father doesn't care about anyone but himself."
Those words still haunt me. I know she had good intentions telling me this, I mean my father was an alcoholic and drug addict. By this time I hadn't heard from him in years. My mother wanted to protect me, she hated seeing me cry.
I still remember the feeling of my tears soaking the pillow.
I cried, always silently so my little sister didn't hear me. She looked to me to see if things would be OK, and I had to reassure her they were. But I didn't think things were OK at all...and I was right.
I remember all my friends having their fathers around, and it made me sad. Why couldn't mine come around, just once in awhile? "Maybe what my Mom told me is true", I thought. He
doesn't love me. My own father doesn't love me. And if he doesn't, then who will? I was worthless. It didn't matter that my mother loved me.
It wasn't enough.My mom shredded the pictures of him. She wiped away the little memory I had of my father by the time I turned 9. I remembered the small things, like his hair color, the time he was arrested, and I remember sobbing uncontrollably when he looked at me in court and mouthed "I love you."
But he was lying, he didn't love me. If he did, why did he leave? Why did it take a warrant for his arrest to decide he wanted visitation? And when he got it, why did he stop coming?
The questions I'll never have answers to. But the pain he gave me is nothing compared to the words my mother stabbed into me.
"He doesn't Love You."What is your relationship with your father like?
Comments (11)
I don't have one, really. I have some good memories from when I was small, but when he left, it made me very, very sad.
I am so sorry your mother told you your father didn't love you. I have 4 sons and I tell them their fathers love them all the time. Let me tell you what I tell my 17 year old. I tell him...."your father loves you the best he can. He just doesn't want you to see him drunk, high or in anyway other than healthy. The addiciton is really strong and it will take all the love and prayers that he will come through all this and finaly see you again. It takes love to see a child but it even takes more love to do the best thing and stay away so you don't grow up thinking that it is ok do do drugs and drink the way he does. A parent that can suffer the loss of a child to do the best for that kid in my book is exibiting the ultimate love."
I tell my 15 year old that his father loves him the best that he can. IF he falls short of what you expect it is because he is just a man that doesn't know how to do more.
I used to tell my 5 and 7 year olds that their dad doesn't know how to be a dad. His dad never spent any time with him and the time he did he said horrid things to him. He loves you so much that he stays away rather than hurt you. He stays away because he doesn't know how to show he loves someone. He used to want to try but then his mother told him he would never be better than his own father. So he doesn't want you to know him because he doesn't want you to feel the way he felt about his father.
Now my relationship with my father when small we would sit around and make up silly poems. He even helped me write a poem for my ex when he broke my heart. I ended up laughing and realizing that me and my ex were not right for eachother.
my mom said the same thing about my dad, granted it was a different situation
in fact, she told us he didn't love us and didn't want us for YEARS, and she took us and hid us from him
..then she remarried him.
my dad and i were not close when i was younger, but he is my best friend now.
i never doubt that my dad loves me, and has always loved me, regardless of circumstance.
i strongly feel that your pops loves you too, and that his addiction is too big for him to handle
you're his precious baby girl, he can't want you to see him that way.
Me and my father don't get along at all. He's very mean and has said some really bad things about me. He doesn't like the way that I am, he's not proud of me, and I know all this because he told my mom. My dad really only does care for himself.
I don't know what to say... except give you some hugs. So I will. *HUGS*
My dad & I have never really been close...He's been there to bail me out when I didn't want to go to mom because I didn't want her dissapointed in me, but that's only happened once. My step-dad is the man I look up to like a father. He treated me like a daughter when he had two of his own, and even when I was horrible to him, he was there for me. When my first real relationship fell apart, he was the one who came to my room and let me sit there and cry with him and told me if the guy left, he didn't deserve me anyways, while my biological dad just ignored me and watched tv.
I love my biological dad, but I don't think he was ever ready to be a dad to me or my older brother. I think the loss of my other siblings changed him, and the woman he left my mother for changed him even more. All my memories of him are of him sitting in his living room watching tv and never wanting to play games with me. When I was at his house for the weekend, I'd be left alone in my room with my toys and no one to play with. By the time I was 12, I was playing chess against myself because it was the only way I didn't feel alone when I was there.
My first phonecall on father's day is to my step-dad. His own kids don't call anymore, but my brother and I do. His daughters never take an interest or try to be part of his life no matter how hard he tried for them. He always gave my brother and me someone to come to. He's the man I asked to give me away at my wedding next year. As far as I'm concerned, he's my dad.
My biological father didn't love me and I knew it from the get go, my mom never had to say it. When my step dad came into my life, I began to understand that sometimes things happen for a reason, and my father not being around was a good thing because then I would never have gotten to know the man I still to this day call Daddy. Any guy can be a father but it takes a man to raise someone elses child like it's his own, and let that child call him dad. And now I have a man that is doing just that with my and my soon to be born child the way my daddy did for myself and my little brother.
@babykittytara@xanga - That is how my father is towards my older half-brother and half-sister. They're from my mother's first marriage, and their father couldn't give less of a crap about them. He only ever used them for child support - he would bribe them when they were younger to live with him so he didn't have to pay, and then he would make them get jobs to pay for their own food/clothes/school supplies... My sister was 14 when she started working so she could get notebooks for high school. They both have children now and he has never seen them. My own father/their step-father is their children's loving grandpa.
My father has treated them and raised them like they were his own, and they love and respect him as if he were their biological father. It makes no difference to any of them - while their biological father was what created them, my father has always been their dad. He loves them like they're his own, and has completely replaced their $@*hole father.
I read this and had to comment. I have no relationship with my biological father. He left when I was six and my parents divorced when I was seven. I have only seen him a handful of times, and I'm 28 now.
This makes me sad. For you. *hugs* I'm really sorry your mom told you that. Mine never said anything like that.
I feel now that my own dad doesn't love me. I don't think he has for years. I have maybe two or three good memories of him, and they were back when I was really little and still in diapers. I must say now, that I've gone to counseling and have found out recently that I have deep abandonment and trust issues. A lot of repressed anger. Heh. I'm 28 now, and still don't know why my father left me when I was six.
I have now, what I call my "adopted dad." He just doesn't know it, because I never got to tell him. He took care of me the last six months during a really difficult time, and now we got pulled apart and I can't have contact with him...it's sad.
I just want my adopted dad...*crying now*
I really feel for you. *hugs* from me...
wow. that's really all i can say... wow. even if my dad weren't around, i don't think my mom would tell me something like that. that's just... wow.
my relationship with my dad is really good. he and i are a lot alike so we do fight sometimes, but what seventeen year old girl doesn't fight with her dad? i love my dad and i don't question that he loves me.
i don't doubt that your dad loves you too. i'm sure someone already said it, but i think he just didn't want you to see him that way.
My biological father stayed out of my life and wanted nothing to do with me until I was 10. Then he tried to buy his way in with gifts, I wanted nothing to do with him. We hung out when I was 12. We'd moved back by then. Then he was a friend sometimes. When I was 18 he agreed I could come live with him if I paid for my car and insurance, half of rent and groceries, and I did. He tried to ground me because I disagreed with him. He tried to kill me, and my son and I moved out. I stopped talking to him. I would have started again after he finished his therapy, but he committed suicide.
My mother's first husband *who came into my life when I was three* raised me, groomed me, and abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually. He was arrested when I was 13. He gets out of prison when I turn 28. I plan on hiding.
My mother's second husband, she married him when I was 14, I believe. He is verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive toward me and my sisters and brother. I'm lucky. I moved out. My siblings are still there. They eventually got divorced, but they're still living together and acting like the divorce never happened. I hate him.
These were the father figures in my life. I think you're lucky.