I'm not a mom but I'm the default babysitter for all of the woman in my family so I've spent as much as weeks at a time babysitting. My disciplining I guess would be more along the lines of taking away privileges. TV, computer, and other things like that. But that's usually after they've been pretty bad or really defiant. I usually just have to talk to them and calm them down -keep them away from whatever is riling them up for a few minutes and they'll be okay.

More than anything else in the world I think it's important to discipline your children from a young age. By that I mean that you set boundaries and be consistent. Expect respect. With my children I am trying TRYING to draw my children in close to me and use soft words--everyone listens to correction better when they are being respected and spoken nicely to. We spend a lot of time talking things out especially when they are just learning our family rules. Later on when they know the rules and deliberately break them, we talk plus they have an age-appropriate punishment. My almost two-year old has to sit on a time-out rug mainly because he hates it. He would rather be up running around and he views having to sit there as punishment. My ten-year old daughter also like to be outside running around with her friends so if she disobeys that's one of the first things to go. I try to reinforce that greater priveledges come with obedience. But usually if you have laid the groundwork when they are very young you don't have to punish them very often when they get older.

Whatever you do, do not touch them.

Spanking is the way to go. 

@Traci_Ladd@xanga - I like your suggestions.

@phantasmas@xanga - I definitely agree with that.

My mom used loss of privileges and time-outs, but she was strict about privileges from the get-go, anyway. So losing your daily allotment of 30 minutes of TV was a BIG issue. Time-outs ranged from 5-15 minutes, and involved sitting in the garage on the bench contemplating your misdeeds.

My brothers occasionally got grounded, when they were older, usually for a weekend.

We were never, EVER spanked, and I'm very grateful.

Another one that works well with the children at school (I work in an elementary school) is counting backwards from 5. I guess you have to come up with some dire consequence should you ever hit 0, but it gets them sitted down and shutted up right quick! =)

@B2yan_C@xanga - I agree. I wouldn't use spanking to discipline a child. Then they think it's okay to hit.

ignorance. it works on me all the time ; (

I also agree with what many people have said about spanking. Smacking a kid around is never ok. However, spanking a kid on the tush really does not hurt them. For young toddlers, it can be very effective. They're so padded with their diapers anyway that it doesn't hurt. It merely shocks them into paying attention. Anyone who has ever tried to REASON with a toddler understands that sometimes there is no reasoning with them. They don't quite have those reasoning skills in place yet. If they're running off into the street repeatedly and your "honey, if you run into the street you might get hit by a car and make mommy very very sad" does not work, as it probably won't, you might have to smack the kid on the butt and say a firm "NO!" Like I said, it doesn' t hurt too badly, it just shows you mean business. It's only effective so long as it maintains the shock factor. It can also be slightly effective for older children so long as it is still a painful punishment, i.e. something they truly want to avoid at all costs. I was spanked as a kid all the time (only on the butt) and I never feared it from my mom because it didn't hurt when she did it. But when I was due to receive a spanking from my dad...oh man! THEN I shaped up! The hours spent waiting for dad to get home and spank me were the worst. He never used the belt or anything like his dad did but the threat of his hand was enough to spark obedience in me! Like some other people said, all this butt spanking did not make me a violent person. Nor am I permanently scarred by it. I think I will spank my toddlers if need be, especially in the running-into-the-road situation. (again, doesn't hurt. Diapers in the way anyway). But I remember as I grew the spankings just became lame, and my dad was having to put forth some real effort to make them hurt. The last time he did it, I was about 11 and hadn't been spanked in a long time. When he spank me, it barely hurt, and I laughed in his face. He started laughing then too, and I was never spanked again.

@jesusmoshes2@xanga - I agree! I have 2 younger brothers, and all 3 of us were spanked, and we're not violent or anything. I get so sick of people saying that's what causes kids to become murderers, school shooters, etc. Give me a break. My aunt has a 4 1/2 year old, and a 2 1/2 year old, and she spanks them both. One time I was babysitting them, and she had given me permission to spank the then 3-year old if I needed to. Well, he kept disobeying so I threatened to spank him, and he quit right then and there! Just goes to show that it does indeed work!

I was spanked as a kid, my husband wasn't.  Both of us turned out fine, but we have very different opinions of how to discipline the coming baby now, so it's been confusing.  Personally, I believe spanking WHEN DONE PROPERLY is effective.  I specify that because there's a difference between a spanking and beating your child.  I've seen parents practically beat their child and call it a spanking - NOT THE SAME THING.  When my brother and I were younger, it was over the knee, a few smart smacks, and you were done.  No marks, no bruises, just a little sting that lasted a minute or two.  It wasn't much, but it taught us a lesson.  Once we were older, spankings stopped and we got the things like groundings and removal of privileges.

But since my husband doesn't agree with spankings since he wasn't raised with it, i've agreed that spankings won't be part of our discipline plan.  It'll be time-outs, removal of privileges, and if they're acting out in public, warn them once and if they continue, leave.  They'll learn very quickly that acting up results in them having to go home and be bored the rest of the day.

Sttistically, boys are much more likely to be abused than girls, and many boys by the age of ten have suffered some kind of hitting from their parents (mom in particular).  It is a hidden epidemic, and boys are expected to be able to handle it, to "toughen up".  I am reading this book right now that is just blowing me away.  Its called Real Boys by William Pollack PhD and it is facts compiled from studies of boys and what they really feel and experience underneath the mask of maculinity they learn to wear.

I say all of that to say, I don't have the answer to the discipline issue.  I thought I did... (mainly taking away priviledges) but as I read this book (in my ever-ongoing desire to grow and learn as a parent) I realize that I also made some assumptions about boys that I shouldn't have...

We try in our home to show them the meaning of consequences, not punishment.  And we have 6 "Family Values" that are treated as a pact within our family and are not to be broken.  They are basic human values like respect and honesty and kind words... we have them posted on our family bulletin board in very simple terms right now, but soon we will be able to talk about their meaning in deeper ways too - how they relate to the world around them and not just at home.  So I guess when things go awry, I usually try to refer back to those, "Now, C, what family value are you not following right now?"  And ask questions.  "How do you think you can make it right?"  Most of the time, the kids will actually solve it in their own mind through talking it out with me, but this approach does take alot more time, and I'll be honest, sometimes I don't have that kind of time.  They argue, and I snatch the toy away... wrong.  But effective for that moment.  Not long-term though.  And I am trying to keep my mind on the long-term these days.

But as far as discipline, I think for each person it is so different... my oldest handles things differently than my middle one.  And they each deserve an approach that meets them where they are at as people.  So my husband and I are always discussing what is working, what is not, and sometimes we resort to the counting (you have three seconds to get over here! one!  twoooo! ...)  But we don't want to - it doesn't help anything to count like that.

@phantasmas@xanga - I "don't" agree.  I think don't can make things very difficult because some people are then left with, "well, what DO I do then?"  and this is where abuse can so easily come into play.  verbal, emotional, as well as physical.

Lastly, this was bound to bring up alot of spanking comments, but spanking is wrong.  Period.  It is NOT mandated by the Bible (read: Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton) as commonly believed, and it is NOT our "duty" as parents.  It is hitting.  Plain and simple.  I don't care how you "talk" to them about it first, how you set it up or finish the act.  You can put all kinds of rules around "how to" murder someone to make it kinder, but in the end, its still murder.  In the end, spanking is hitting.  No child should ever be hit.  Period.

http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp

Parents/teachers/other persons can use ordinary force as a means of discipline, including but not limited to spanking, switching, or paddling. 21 § 844. [Criminal Code] Criminal penalty for using unreasonable force upon a child under 18. 10 § 7115. [Criminal Code]