For a while I have been trying to explain what a baby is like. Other people have described
having one a form of brainwashing. You wake up at random intervals repeatedly to perform trivial tasks. Or, actually, sometimes to perform no task at all. Sometimes you get to sleep 3 hours, sometimes 20 minutes. There is no way to tell. If you don't get up the punishment will be swift and severe. Not only that, but it's only going to prolong your agony and increase the time that you must stay awake and miserable.
Want to have a kid yet?
On the plus side, the kid grows out of this stage, and I am quite pleased to announce that Sam has actually slept for over 4 hours straight. This may not sound like much to you without children, but those of you with children I can feel you nodding your heads to my weary triumph.
Also on the plus side, when your little peanut smiles at you, it makes it all worth it. At least that's what I keep telling myself over and over.
Back to the point at hand. I was trying to figure out what a baby is like. I am somewhat surprised it took me this long, but after a quick discussion with my friend, we'll call him Superman, I realize that babies are just like the amazingly drunk people. Let's take a look at the facts.
WHY BABIES ARE LIKE DRUNKS: 1. Both babies and drunks will puke anywhere, including on you. Both of them will do so with a smile and without an apology.
2. Both are needy. They are certain, without a single doubt, that they are the most important creature that has ever been put on the earth. They know what they want (baby = milk! Drunk = Booze/sammich!) and they want it now!
3. Both will pee at any given time, even if they have just peed 3 minutes ago. Also, they have no problem peeing on the floor, even if you leave a perfectly good container right next to them.
4. They speak the exact same language. Truth be told the drunks are much more long-winded, but it
is the same language. (Me: Good morning Sam! Her: blblblaah! Ah-gah! Ble-ble-ble. And when I speak to my daughter it is nearly the same)
5. They can both poop everywhere, which may shock and disgust you, but you still have to deal with it.
6. All you want to do is keep them quiet, and you will do just about anything to make it happen.
7. They are incredibly unstable on their feet, while at the same time seem to seek out dangerous places to hurt themselves.
8. Screams at maximum volume despite social situation.
9. If either gets even a slight bump on the head, you get worried that they might have an intracranial bleed.
10. They will both cry. For no reason.
Though, to my baby's credit, she does smell much better than any of the drunks I have taken care of. Even during a dirty diaper change. However, I'm told this changes when we start adding solid food. Thus, she gets breast milk till she's potty trained.
Do you have any others to add to my list?
Lifetime
Comments (15)
hehehe...aaaahahaha
haha, Cute. :)
HAha thats awesome.. I never thought of it that way... and btw... poops not something that really bothers me... but when I put my daughter on solid foods... it wasn't that much different.. her but still smelled like her father jsut got done in the bathroom... and its his kid so I expected that... lol
Haha all so true!!
lolll <3
They are so cute! Thank you for your service and kindness, it was much appreciated. In addition to my gratitude, I would like to share with you the Shaker Heights yearbook. The cover art on the Shaker Heights yearbook cover has some squiggled lines at the bottom that resemble foul language if turned upside down. Whether it's a conspiracy or a coincidence is unknown, but people are giving it real attention. It's also known as the Raider Nation yearbook cover, as the high schools' mascot is the Red Raiders, but anyone will tell you the colors of the Raider Nation are not red and white, but silver and black, and they are out for blood against the Kansas City Chiefs. (And everyone else.) Still, many would give fast cash loans to get to the bottom of the Shaker Heights yearbook cover mystery.
Aw it's like being the sober one at a party all of the time.
I was a good baby for my mom. I slept through the night most nights even when they just brought me home. Now I can only hope my future baby will be like me.
ahahaha.
lol! Great analogy!
Nothing to add but i did think this was a cute post. u described babys perfectly lol
The only thing I can think of to add is DROOL!
This would have been funnier if it wasn't basically copied off an email forward
lol
only thing i can add is when they sleep its one of two things.. like the dead.. you can scream and nothing wakes them.. or they wake at the slightest sound and begin screaming...
Totaly not what this is about but those babies should not be sleeping on boppies! It is a huge risk for suffocation. So dangerous.