Thursday, 18 June 2009
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25 Things I Learned Being A Mom Of Boys
1. Do NOT do the sniff test on clothing to see which items are clean unless you are fully prepared to bury your nose in some unidentifiable, disgusting scent that will singe your nose hairs and linger with you for days.
2. Band-Aids can fix most anything. But they won't stay on for long, and you'll probably find the used bandage when you step on it in bare feet and have it stick to the bottom of your foot. gross.
3. Clothing is optional. At all times.
4. Pee has a mind of its own and likes to find its way into trashcans, onto walls, on floors, and it especially likes to live outside along the side of the house when little boys are too “tired” to come “all the way” inside to use the proper toilet.
5. Touching yourself is mandatory. At all times.
6. Taking turns punching each other in the face while standing on the livingroom coffee table is a game, not violence.
7. Do NOT dig a hand into the pocket of dirty jeans to empty them out unless you are fully prepared to find something that might have once been living, but sadly, has been afforded a funeral in the linty pocket quite some time ago.
8. Saying ‘penis’ is fun. For whatever reason.
9. Do NOT put pants into the washer without checking the pockets at all unless you are prepared to open the finished and washed load to see everything covered with chocolate, or the innards of aforementioned dead creature.
10. Food is God. And King. And worshipped. And short-lived.
11. Nails can grow long and jagged before a boy notices them at all, and can sometimes harbor tiny bugs.
12. Grass stains skin too.
13. Video games make you smarter.
14. Boys don’t like it when mom always beats them at video games. (but still, they brag about mom and respect her skillz)
15. Underwear is optional.
16. Clean underwear are hard to find.
17. Socks can actually stand on their own.
18. Knees just need air, that’s why they always bust through pants so quickly.
19. Sometimes a boy just has to throw poop-filled underwear in the back of his closet and let it simmer until the whole room reeks. He does this just so he can see the “special” vein pop in Mom’s forehead when she finds the source of the odor and goes ultrasonic shrieking about it.
20. Nearly anything is edible... food found in the crack of the couch, food found under the slide at the park in the wood chips, wood chips themselves, rocks, dirt, ants...
21. Legos are evil toys. You are reminded of this every time you step on one on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
22. Folding clothing is sooo last generation.
23. The sound of the ice cream truck is magical and insanely compelling.
24. Even simple board games must become full-contact sports.
25. No matter how old they get, sometimes they still need a kiss from Momma. (usually at the precise moment their nose is running like a faucet down their face...)
Do you have boys? What do you learn from being a mom of boys? Boys/Men, do you think this list is true?
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About the Author
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- From: mamaseahorse
- Name: mamaseahorse
- About Me: Hi, I'm Mama Seahorse! I have three boys - rowdy crazy lovely funny boys, ages 8, 6, and 3. They will go by the names (Big Brother, Middle Man, and Little Man, respectively). I have a hubby (who goes by J) of 11 years. We live and love in the suburbs of Chicago. I think that there is humor in the little things that happen when you least expect them... and I really do know that kids say the darndest things. We try to live healthy but every family hits McD's every now and then, I think. We run our lives around my work schedule (massage therapist), J's part-time work, and the kids activities, which include modeling and acting. I also am a firm believer in making time for my girlfriends. So I like to go out in what I call my Im-not-a-mom heels which is any pair of heels I could not possibly run after a toddler in, and the BBP (Best Butt Pants) which make my butt look amay-z-zing. We moms have to do that otherwise we might forget about our awesomeness, right?
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Comments (23)
Seen ....
I liked this, lol. :) My brother used to be like this when he was little, haaa. x
I'm the mom of one 3 yr-old boy, so some of this stuff is yet to come... and I welcome it with open arms. I want a house full of boys... it's the girls I'm nervous about. Haha.
Volume comes in loud and louder. There is no such thing as quiet.
The bigger the mess, the more fun they have. The dirtier they can get in the mud, the higher the pile of legos, the biggest mess of finger paints on (and off) the paper/table/floor, the messiest food, the... you get the drift.
Dismantling things is much more fun than putting things back together again. Putting them back together again is mom's job.
Toy vehicles of any kind are meant to be raced ... or crashed. The more spectacular the crash, the more awesome. No malicious intent, just the awesome coolness of harmless, but utter destruction.
Explosions, Eruptions, Splashes... Everything should be done in such a way as to make it the biggest, the loudest, the scariest, the messiest. anything that ends in '-est' is considered good.
Everything becomes a gun... or a sword... or a weapon of some sort, and must be used as such in a grand-scale imaginary battle.
... I have a brother, and a five year old son. I'm sure I could think up some more, but there are a few off the top of my head :)
As A mom of 3 boys (7,7 and 5) I whole heartedly agree with the list. And I will add a few more...
Farting on each others head should be viewed as a sign of affection however creating a "dutch oven" and trapping someone in the stench is an act of violence.
Screaming at video games and televised sports is a sophisticated form of communication and is not to be interupted.
Im sure there are more, but the only one that keeps coming pertains to the family if the youngest is a girl.
There is and always will be one queen (mom) and her one and only princess (daughter) they mat carry weapons (water or nerf guns) for defense only but are not actual targets. Ever!
In that case...I think I want a girl.
So very very true. I was laughing through the whole list and saying 'I've seen that, and that, and that one too". Thank you sharing this great post.
I have 2 boys, ages 6 and 3, and one big one that can be just as bad at times. I completely agree with your list, and unfortunately I have seen most of it myself already :)
I am a mother of 4 boys (13, 12, 12, and 5)
Digging for gold in their nose is cool especially if they can wipe it on you or another lil girl.
Burps are meant to be loud and funny, the louder the funnier.
Peeing whenever needed, where ever they are is ok, and my youngest says "my pee pee is not dirty and outside its all i have to touch" His excess to pee outside instead of in the bathroom.
It is cool to annouce to the world if your poop floats, sinks, and if it is long or short.
I'm sure I could come up with more, but there is a few.
"No matter how old they get, sometimes they still need a kiss from Momma. (usually at the precise moment their nose is running like a faucet down their face...)" *dry heeve* M is known for that.
I have a 7 year old son and a 19 year old son and all of the above mentioned is soo right on! I will add only one more....
EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERYTHING is a contest and if they think they are going to lose they will change the rules to make sure they win!
This is so true and funny. I have two boys.
i don't think i'm having anymore kids.
My biggest fear is 2 boys, or more.
1 is enought for me!
umm.. something to look forward to. my son is 4 months.. he thinks its funny to wait until I open the diaper to pee on me. and then laughs hysterically.. my girl now 4 almost anyway never did this to me!
Yeah, I have one three-year-old boy and one 8-month-old boy, so I know this list well. I also have two brothers and mostly male cousins, so here are a couple more:
It is so much more fun to show Mom the cool creature you found outside and the slimier the better.
Everything is something to climb on, whether it's the doorframe, the couch, or you. If you can grab on to it, you can climb it.
That being said, everything that is above two feet is something to jump or fly off of.
The greatest way to get your sister to give you what you want is to hold her down and pretend your going to spit on her and get the spit as close to her as you can before you suck it back up....I've personally experienced this several times.
No matter how big boys get, they still want their Momma when they're sick or hurting.
I could think of several more, but this will do for now.
lol thats so cute!
i dont have kids but i have two brother whom im significantly older than ... so i have a couple of my own to add.
- there is that one particularly loud and noxious fart that will be remembered and recalled until the end of time.
- food remains have a special place under beds. especially chicken bones and pizza crusts.
- showers are optional.
- ring around the tub is mandatory.
- no matter how much it's demonstrated, a clean room should never be expected.
- foot odor lingers
this list is priceless!! I have 2 boys (5, 3 1/2) and a girl (2) and am in the thick of things with these wild boys!!!
Most of this can relate to our significant others too, can't it :p
@LetMeGoToo@xanga - hilarious! yes, i could add those to my list too!
@sugartomyhoney@xanga - OMG, that is SO true! they come up the stairs for lunch and suddenly its a race and somebody has to lose... sigh.
lol. i have 2 boys, 2yr and 7mo, so i'm in for more a treat later.
This is a hilarious post! Thanks for the list, my boys are only 3 and 11 months - so I'm sure I'm in for it!
I have 3 boys, ages 7,6, and 5!
1---lightening bugs taste crunchy
2---if you go to a farm they will have animal poop on all parts of their body
3--Mom should not know how to catch frogs better than dads
4--Eating contests and burping are not gross but a right of passage
Our fire department has a 1.5 minute responce time to our house
Im the mother of 3 boys and one on the way in May 2011, ages 8, 7, and 4 ...... Sometimes I dont know what i have gotten myself into, but I wouldnt have it anyother way... other then i would really love to have a clean home just for a little while....
Nothing surprises me anymore... these lists are very true.. i have dealt with most of them, and laughted as i assumed my kids were the odd ones... must just be boys... To live through it, you must laugh...