Thursday, 18 June 2009
1. Do NOT do the sniff test on clothing to see which items are clean unless you are fully prepared to bury your nose in some unidentifiable, disgusting scent that will singe your nose hairs and linger with you for days.
2. Band-Aids can fix most anything. But they won't stay on for long, and you'll probably find the used bandage when you step on it in bare feet and have it stick to the bottom of your foot. gross.
3. Clothing is optional. At all times.
4. Pee has a mind of its own and likes to find its way into trashcans, onto walls, on floors, and it especially likes to live outside along the side of the house when little boys are too “tired” to come “all the way” inside to use the proper toilet.
5. Touching yourself is mandatory. At all times.
6. Taking turns punching each other in the face while standing on the livingroom coffee table is a game, not violence.
7. Do NOT dig a hand into the pocket of dirty jeans to empty them out unless you are fully prepared to find something that might have once been living, but sadly, has been afforded a funeral in the linty pocket quite some time ago.
8. Saying ‘penis’ is fun. For whatever reason.
9. Do NOT put pants into the washer without checking the pockets at all unless you are prepared to open the finished and washed load to see everything covered with chocolate, or the innards of aforementioned dead creature.
10. Food is God. And King. And worshipped. And short-lived.
11. Nails can grow long and jagged before a boy notices them at all, and can sometimes harbor tiny bugs.
12. Grass stains skin too.
13. Video games make you smarter.
14. Boys don’t like it when mom always beats them at video games. (but still, they brag about mom and respect her skillz)
15. Underwear is optional.
16. Clean underwear are hard to find.
17. Socks can actually stand on their own.
18. Knees just need air, that’s why they always bust through pants so quickly.
19. Sometimes a boy just has to throw poop-filled underwear in the back of his closet and let it simmer until the whole room reeks. He does this just so he can see the “special” vein pop in Mom’s forehead when she finds the source of the odor and goes ultrasonic shrieking about it.
20. Nearly anything is edible... food found in the crack of the couch, food found under the slide at the park in the wood chips, wood chips themselves, rocks, dirt, ants...
21. Legos are evil toys. You are reminded of this every time you step on one on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
22. Folding clothing is sooo last generation.
23. The sound of the ice cream truck is magical and insanely compelling.
24. Even simple board games must become full-contact sports.
25. No matter how old they get, sometimes they still need a kiss from Momma. (usually at the precise moment their nose is running like a faucet down their face...)
Do you have boys? What do you learn from being a mom of boys? Boys/Men, do you think this list is true?