I've expressed my views on raising kids to a few people and I'm starting to get the overwhelming feeling that maybe I am a little crazy... I don't know. I have never had a child, but I've lived with a LOT of people over the years who have had kids throughout my 26 years here on the planet. Enough people to have developed a sense of what things I should do and other things I shouldn't do.
I am not going into this with the idea that raising a child is easy. It's the hardest work anyone can do. It's more than a full time job.
Having a child requires you GIVE UP 20 years of your life. Minimum.
Here are a few key ideas that I have;
1. Getting pregnant can be an accident, raising a child cannot be.
I think you have to go into it with a plan. Even if you have to write the plan down to remember it, you have to have a little structure and know where you are going. Setting rules and goals "on the fly" is going to get confusing and eventually hard to control.
2. Santa or Jesus?
Which God should your child believe in?
3. Home-School or government education?
Government schools scare the hell out of me. They teach values and ideas that are far from what I hold to. Can you accept the fact that the school will be teaching your kids the things you should be teaching them?
4. Raising a child with good credit.
I want to start a savings account for my child the day he/she is born. His/her first car's deposit and payments will be made with that money in his/her name, on time, every month. My kids paychecks will go straight into a bank account and he will receive an allowance from it. I will teach him/her the value of saving, making payments on-time and living responsibly below your means.
5. MUSIC!!!
Have you ever heard someone say "I wish I had never learned guitar and/or piano?" Make your kids take lessons, not just a couple, from the age of 5 to 18. Trust me, they will thank you later.
I might seem crazy, but these are just a few of my ideas.
Can a single, 26 year old male have any idea what he is talking about when it comes to raising kids???
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Comments (17)
Sure you can. Just ask my dad how.
Im really happy to see this post on here!!!...
Sure, you might think you know what you're talking about. But I'm a childless, 22-year-old female in a committed relationship, and I find something to quibble about in each and every one of your points. Everybody has their own idea of what makes a "right" way to raise a child.
First, though, I don't see it as so much of a "giving up" of 20+ years of your life. It's not like you're not living, and if you view it as "losing" something when you have a family, I worry about the health of your family life and relationships.
And as a public school staff member, I'd like to point out that the purpose of public school education isn't to replace parents. We have enough to worry about as it is, thanks very much; raising your children for you isn't in our job descriptions!!
I think you can THINK you know a lot by watching other people raise children, but you don't know how much you DON'T KNOW until you have your own child.
I think it's best just to let your child become their own person. It's important to point them in the right direction, but you can't force your opinions on them.
What's right for you and your child(ren) may or may not be the right for the next family. So do what you think is right and in the end your child is going to do what s/he wants. The only thing you can do is try your best at being a parent however you feel is right.
I found myself overly enthusiastic when I read #5... I relate! I wish my parents had done that with me--not only would I have gained skill, but it would have taught me to keep doing something even when it isn't always something you "LOVE." I still struggle with follow through today...
You CAN'T raise a perfect child....but Mary and Joseph did. Then again it took divine intervention.
If you can't raise a perfect child, then explain me.
@b1ather@xanga - There was resounding laughter throughout my household thanks to your comment. Thanks for being entertaining.
@Kyren_SkyRyder@xanga - I understand where your coming from, but I have heard so many single mothers complain about their kids being a hinderance to their "lives" and I just want to grab them (the mothers) by the shoulders and shake some sense into them! they have no idea how lucky they are to be raising a beautiful child! I agree, you don't actually give up your life, you start a new one. As for government school, it's not that the schools are trying to take the place of parents, it's that too many parents have started relying on them to do the job they should be doing.
"It's not our job as parents to decide who and what our children will become...it's to support and guide them as they become what they were meant to be." ~ Tara Kennedy-Kline
Of course you have ideas of how you will raise your children...that means you give a darn about being a parent. When it becomes a problem is when you are no longer willing to BEND on those ideas even if they don't fit with your family.
Public schools are not there to raise your child, they are there to EDUCATE your child. I would be doing a HUUUUGE disservice to my boys if I decided to teach them advanced math or science...it's not my specialty and they are much stronger in that area than I am, already. that would be like my Electrical Engineer husband trying to teach my sons baseball or music...THEY love those things, but learning from him would not serve them because he sucks at them :o)
My children celebrate Christmas because our family does...we have gifts under the tree (some from Santa, because that's just FUN! Try this on: Will you let them believe in the Toothfairy and the Easter Bunny?) But we also go to Church and we say Happy Birthday to Jesus because that is the REASON for the Holiday. You can do both...just do it in a way that makes sense for you.
Your children will get money that you can put in a savings account. They will also learn so much by you taking them to the bank and showing them how to read a statement. We do a "Save, Give, Spend" routine. Both of the boys know how to Spend 20%, Give 20% and save the rest...we taught them to do that with money they were gifted BEFORE they started earning it so they already had the habit in place. If you wait to have a family until you have enough money in the bank...you'll never have a family.
Please don't think of your children as the end of your life, but rather the beginning of a new journey in your life. I learned SOOOO much from my boys, particularly how to PLAY again and how to LISTEN to another person's point of view...even if that view is only 1 foot tall.
See the Unique Brilliance in them and everything else will come into focus...
Have a playful day!
"My kids paychecks will go straight into a bank account and he will receive an allowance from it." Please check in with us when you have a 16 year old (legal working age in most places) and you're trying to tell him how much of the money he earned that he can spend.
My fiance` still holds a [small] grudge against his mom for making him sit through all those piano lessons and never does he play. If it's something that your child is truly adverse to? It might just be better to let that one go.
It's great to have your own ideals about how you will raise your child, but it's another thing to think that they will fit for everyone else out there. As long as you can keep that in perspective, I think you're doing fine.
Yeah, I'm agreeing with @filtered_sunlight - on the point about the paychecks. You can save up what you want, but the most you can do is get them a calendar to write all their bills' due dates down and they have to follow it. If you wanna remind them of the due dates the first few months until they get into a habit of doing it, fine...but you really can't expect them to just let you take the money they earned.
Saving is an awesome thing. Not tossing your kid to the sharks about money when you can bail them out, however, is not. It's how I learned to be frugal with money; my parents saved for me my whole life, and my dad would toss some money to me every once and a while to see how well I could handle myself.
I blew it all at first, but now I can hold onto ten dollars for three weeks and still have a good time with friends and whatnot. It's a matter of responsibility, and kids have to learn that on their own.
@justfinethanku@xanga - actually no you cant and wont till you have children of your own.. if it does happen then you will understand fully what i mean k? umm one small part..that child will need to be fed every two hours for the first four months of life, thats every two hours in a 24 hour day, 12 times a day.. morn, noon, night lol and you getting your sleep? lol it does not matter, only your child does ....... go from there...and as for raising your child. what part of society are you raising them for? to remain in your house under your rules forever?or will you raise the child to be part of society.. the better part of course. will you raise the child in the knowledge that your values trump all others? or that they may have to find their own values in life? will you raise the chid to follow only your decisions or to learn to trust in their own? all these and more are on your mind with every day and hour you have that child so.. heh have fun k?
p.s. umm i am a father k?
Im glad to see that a Man is actually thinking about his future children. That is something that is seen a lot less frequently now that it used to be Kuddos for having a plan. The thing about plans and kids is, expect for it to change, and be flexible!
i woulda been FURIOUS at my parents if they told me i couldn't spend my paychecks...i worked hard to get that money, i should be able to spend it.