Tuesday, 16 June 2009

• The Amazing Lesson I Learned From A Child

  Children Have So Much To Teach Us...

  We have been challenged by flowerspushthroughdirt to write encouraging posts this week and so I dug out this one I’ve been working on for a while and finished it up…. The most encouraging people in my life are the children in my life. They have taught and continue to teach me so much about life.

  

  A couple of years ago my niece, Fuu, had her 4th birthday party at a local pizza and gaming place. I had told her she could pick 5 friends to invite and we would mail them each an invitation. Fuu has a lot of friends so it was hard for her to get her list down to five. I figured she would simply pick the children she played with the most.

  When she handed me her list I was shocked. Three of the names on the list were close friends so there was no need to wonder about them, but two of the names she had picked were simply not even a possibility to me…

  
   (note this is not a photo of Paul)

  Paul, she was inviting Paul? He is a holy terror! He’s a rotten little four year old bully who had been a cause for Fuu’s tears on more than one occasion.  None of the children like him or the parents either for that matter.  I asked her why she wanted Paul at her birthday party. Her reply was simple but sweet, “Aunty Echo, no one ever lets him come to  birthdays and stuff , maybe he wouldn't’t be so mad all the time if he could come to a party” I had to smile, my little Fuu has always had a tender heart. I like to think I am tenderhearted too but, for me, spending $12+ to have a child at the party who could easily get our whole group kicked out is not my idea of a smart way to spend money.

  The other puzzling name on the list was Terrence. I tried hard to remember who the boy was. The name was not ringing a bell. So I asked about him too. “Terrence is the boy who stays in the stroller,” Fuu said. “Oh yeah I remember him now”, I responded, more to myself than to Fuu, “I seem to remember that he has some kind of disability. He never talks or walks and he pretty much stays in that stroller all the time. Why are you inviting Terrence Fuu?”  Her answer was sweet and simple “He never gets to come to parties either”. I remind her that he probably can’t enjoy the party anyway if he never talks or walks or even leaves the stroller. This is a pizza and game place after all and the accent is on activity. “But, Aunty he can watch the show and we can move him around so he can watch us play… when he watches us play at Sunday school sometimes his eyes smile, I like it when his eyes smile Aunty.”  - OK so Terrence is in, I can’t believe I am spending $12+ on a child who at best will only have “smiling eyes”, but I really want to encourage that caring side of Fuu to grow and I’m feeling a bit selfish for not being completely in agreement about the list.

  

  On the day of the party everything went pretty smoothly. Fuu and her friends had a great time wildly pushing Terrence all over the restaurant. I never noticed his eyes smiling or him responding in any way at all. But, it was heartwarming to see the way the children followed Fuu’s lead and accepted him just the way he was. Paul, surprisingly, managed to behave himself for the most part and everyone had a great time.  As the parents gathered their children to leave I did the usual thank you for coming speeches at the door while Fuu hugged each child on the way out. She even climbed up on the side of the stroller and hugged Terrence.  He responded by roughly pushing her away with both hands. It was the first time I noticed him respond to anything all day.

  As I gathered our stuff to leave I was surprised to see Terrence’s dad coming back into the restaurant, maybe they had forgotten something. I walked over to him and noticed that there were tears running down his cheeks. This huge strong man who seldom even spoke or smiled was crying.  I felt the panic grip me thinking we must have done something really bad to make this grown man cry. Then he grabbed both me and Fuu up in a huge bear hug saying “thank you, you have no idea what this means to us, you have no idea”.  I’m not comfortable with strangers showering me in thanks and so I tried to brush it off saying “no problem, I think all the children had fun”.

  Terrence’s dad grabbed my arm and said “No, you don’t understand, Terrence has a pretty severe form of Autism and never once in his entire life has another child wanted to play with him. He’s never been invited to anything. Today your little girl fed Terrence the first bite of birthday cake he has ever had and he ate it. All the children played with him, and I know you probably can’t tell but Terrence had fun. You can see it in his eyes. Thank you again, and….. You have a really great little girl there”.  I was suddenly reminded of something Fuu had said about Terrence’s eyes so I yelled at his dad to hang on. I ran over to him before he left and said “Fuu said that she wanted to invite Terrence because she likes it when his eyes smile,….”  I let the sentence sort of drop with that lame statement because I couldn't’t think of anything else to say and I was feeling pretty guilty for not wanting to invite the boy in the first place. Terrence’s dad rescued me as he chuckled and smiled and responded, “Yep, I told you that you have a very special girl there. Not many people notice that about Terrence. ” He gave me a small wave and left with a smile.  That party taught me some things about myself that I didn’t like. It taught me things about my niece that made me happy to learn. It helped us all to grow a little bit more like the people we should be….. and apparently it made Terrence’s eyes smile and that,  I have come to understand that is a very special gift.........

  I continuously find myself being challenged by the children in my life.

  Have you ever learned something valuable from a child?

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