Tuesday, 16 June 2009
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Baby Showers: How Many Are Too Many?
by Mama Bear 
As I was walking back down my driveway from the mailbox this afternoon I noticed a hand written envelope addressed to me, postmarked from my hometown. I didn't recognize the writing nor did I know who would be sending me anything. I must admit I was incredibly surprised when it was an invitation to a good friend from high school's fifth baby shower. Yes, fifth. Five. Five baby showers in the last seven years.
To be honest, part of what adds to my annoyance over this is that if it hadn't been for the other four showers I had been invited to, I wouldn't have seen or even spoken to this girl for more than 10 minutes collectively in the last 10 years. I live out of state - about four states away, as a matter of a fact. This is why I haven't been able to attend the last two, although I did send gifts.
My mom, for one, is from the school of you only get a shower with your first child - no matter what. In my opinion, if there is a good number of years between pregnancies and/or if you had a girl followed by a boy for example, a second shower is perfectly appropriate. She first had a girl, followed by a boy. Since I had two girls, two years apart, I didn't even consider having a second shower. I had saved many of the bigger items from my first and I had saved all of the clothes that were stain free and generally in good condition. All I really needed was nursery furniture, a double stroller and new car seat, which we bought ourselves (with a little help from my wonderful parents). But each of her children thereafter have all been boys, this pregnancy included, and they have been very close in age.
I feel that regardless of the sex or gap between each child, when you get to your fifth child, you should not be sending an invitation requesting gifts exclusively from your extensive gift registry (including a $350.00 diaper bag!). And, although probably irrelevant, I want to point out that she and her husband are a moderately well to do couple. I wouldn't say rich, but they certainly have more financial freedom than many others our age. Maybe I am wrong, but at this point, it just seems a little rude. And its very obvious that it's not just close friends and relatives she is inviting, but people she went to school with 10+ years ago whom she rarely sees - and like in my case, knows wont be able to actually attend the shower.
I think a party in celebration of her new child would have been lovely, but another full out baby shower on your fifth child seems a bit much to me. Am I totally off base?
How many baby showers have you had? Do you think a person is entitled to a baby shower with each pregnancy?
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About the Author
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- From: mamabear
- Name: Mama
- About Me: I'm a proud Army wife and SAHM to two beautiful little girls!
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Comments (49)
I had three showers for my son. I have a very large amount of family though. My family always did showers for the first and third pregnancy, mainly because by the time the third comes around you'll probably need/want new things. We also follow the boy/girl thing, but then in that regard there would be no third shower. I think five is ridiculous, especially asking for extravagant things like that diaper bag.
I had three for my daughter. But in all fairness it was one hosted by my mom, one at work and one when I went to my hometown to visit my other family. None of which were my idea.
5 is too much and asking for presents from someone you rarely talk to is just greedy.
I had one baby shower. I have three boys.
Five is a bit ridiculous, especially with asking for very pricy things. But really, if someone else it throwing them the party (I do think it's a bit tacky to put together and throw your own baby shower) it's really not that big of a deal that she's had one with every pregnancy. Strange that you were sent an invite though. Now if she's the one throwing herself these parties to get the gifts, maybe she needs a kick in the butt by Ms Manners.
LOL, as I sat down to write how many I had; I realized I had quite a few. It didn't seem like too many, but writing them all down sounds that way. Two with my first; a boy. One by my family and one from our church. One with my second; a girl; for obvious reasons. My third child was also a girl and we held a baby shower, but only because our family had lost two members within three months of one another (my father and step father) and we wanted to celebrate the new life. It was less about the gifts and more about coming together as a family following a tragic period. When I remarried and we were having a baby we had one. There was a seven year difference between children and we had nothing. Again; it was a very small affair held by my new family.
Having said that; all my showers were held with just my closest friends and family. Sending invites to long lost friends just smacks of "I want gifts, gifts, gifts."
hahahahaha my mother and i were talking about this earlier. I mean honestly Id have one for every kid I had...lol but my mother thinks differently. She thinks you should only have one. UNLESS: you end up having a kid like really far down then the previous one. which makes sense.
But really who doesnt like gifts and baby stuff is so fun. cant wait to have babiesss
I had one for my boy in 2006 (my first baby) and one for my girl (2009) and thats all i have i have most of my sons clothes saved from 0-3 months and obviously still all my girl stuff. my second shower was not even big it was just my mom and my mother in laws closest friends the 2nd time around. I agree it is totally rude to invite people you havent talked to just for the number of gifts they want.
I tend to think a baby shower(s) for the first baby is always appropriate, after that, only in special circumstances, like for someone who's having a girl after a boy, or a large gap between children, when they might need new things because they had gotten rid of everything already. But inviting everyone you ever knew to 5 showers, especially when your kids are all that close together, is rude, and really just asking for gifts. I had 3 kids in 3 years, and was given a shower with my first. After that, family and friends gave me new baby gifts, but of their own accord, not because of a shower.
YES! five showers are extremly to many! Although I myself am only 21 years old and never even had kids this topic has come up recently in my family. My fiance's(who is also 21 the oldest of two) mother is having her third child. BUT the last time she had a child was 17 years ago! I think she deserves a baby shower! Besides it is a girl and shes only ever had boys. Therefor she has NOTHING. A few people were sayin because of her age and how many kids she already had she should not be getting a shower. I believe she should be. On the other hand i myself just recieved a invitation to a baby shower for someones 4th child! All her children are below the age of 9. Shes having a boy and she has one girl and two boys already!!! I think thats being a bit greedy! I completly agree with u here
I guess it depends.. I had a baby shower for my first daughter... (Im sorry my dad had a baby shower, more for him than me really)... and now that im living near my mom (3 states away from my dad) she is holding me a baby shower for our 2nd girl... but we arn't big to do with money like this woman is with her 5th child... I had been dumb enough to give Amber (My first duaghters) clothes away to another couple who where having a baby (6 months after me, another girl) and she ended up being born handicap... So all of ambers clothes that became to small went to them... And now I am having another girl... and I have only added the things I really needed on the registry like a double stroller (Ambers not even 2 yet)... and car seat that connects into the stroller... and clothes... And a few other items that i did not get like a baby bath tub... I didn't pick out much... just a few toys for Lillie (Our 2nd girl due Aug 22nd)... but we are more or less having a gathering to celebrate Lillie... than a baby shower as many of our friends can not afford to buy things... So we are gonna have hamburgers and hot dogs... and I have a kids pool out back for the kids to play in...
I guess it just depends on the situation... But maybe for 1 boy, 1 girl... and after that you should have things set... Or if not... then the only thing you should really need are clothes right???
I remember baby always use Johnson baby ...
Showers is very happy ....
I've had 2 showers, and I have 5 kids. I like the idea of having a celebration for the baby... without it being a shower. I would've loved to organize a get together of all my friends and family to play "baby shower" type games and eat cake, but leave out the giving present part. That's pretty much what I did with my 2nd daughter, we got together for a cook out. With my 3rd daughter, my sis-in-laws took me out for dinner and gave me a few things, that was really sweet! For my last two kids (both boys), nothing lol. Which I didn't mind.. I had recently moved away from family- if I were closer I probably would've arranged a fun get together.
So to summarize- 5 baby showers is too much. If it were a casual "hey let's get together and play games and celebrate this baby" - I think that's cool and acceptable. I guess the line is drawn when one invitation has a gift registry vs. an invitation that says "no gifts please".
I think you should have a baby shower for your first and second baby. Especially if they are a few years apart, unexpected or different sexes.
I got so many great gifts with my daughter but everything was pink and I wasn't going to have another kid.
Now that I am pregnant with number two I have nothing for HIM. I got rid of all my daughters old baby things but thats okay because even if I still had them I wouldn't put my baby boy in a pink car seat or a dress.
I have had to buy everything myself this time around because my mom and mil do not believe in more than one baby shower.
Wish I would have got nuetral stuff with my daugther and put it in storage!
I get a pass on this one due to my gender and overall aloofness
I think multiple showers could be appropriate if the family isn't that well off and is in need of stuff like diapers...so then they could have a "Pamper Party"! I had a shower for my second kid (a boy after a girl) and they also did the Pamper Party and is was SOOO nice not to have to buy diapers for the first 3 months!!
I had three for my daughter. One from family, one from church and one from my mother in law's coworkers (they love babies). If I have a girl again, I wouldn't need anything. Heck, even if I have a boy I won't need any big stuff. I got everything neutral colored. But I'd definitely need some clothes and a diaper bag. And bottles and stuff like that.
I have five kids, the oldest thress boys close in age and the younget 2 girls close in age we had one with our first and that was it we keep all the big stuff that makes it through our military moves, we are still using the original crib I bought! we have gotten a few gifts over the years but most new things we have gotten ourself I neve rknew you could do more than one to be honest and when we foun dout number 4 was going to be a girl we asked a few friends that were done having kids for their hand me down clothes and things liek that it is rude to ask for new stuff constantly now that we are done having kids we are passing our stuff on but that is only becasue medical procedures have been done! but still the crib, bassinett, swing and highchair we are keeping just n case and we have the pack and play in case we get a visitor with a baby you know all the major stuff we keep! If we are new baby free in 4 years we will get rid of 90% of the rest of it!
I truly believe that having multiple baby showers with the same pregnancy is tacky unless one is work and the other is family and friends, but that is my opinion. I would never allow anyone to have more than one for me or host multiple one or attend them. Everyone close to me knows how I feel.
As far as having more than one in general, I think you get ONE when you have your FIRST baby, then if you go several years, I think about 5 between kids, then you can have another. I don't care if they are boy/girl as many items can be used for either sex, and if you are young and planning to have more kids or there is that possibility then you should be hanging onto lots of your baby things. And if you do get rid of all your stuff or just want new stuff for the new baby, you should foot the bill and not ask anyone else to help you at all, if someone gives you a gift that's fine, though.
Typically, baby showers are something that ought to be planned/hosted by someone that is not the mother-to-be. When my mom was preggers with me, she had one from friends/family and then her coworkers threw her one at work one day. If people who know you want to do that, then fine...but I think if YOU are throwing it, that is tacky as hell.
And a $350 diaper bag? More like, "Blow me." x]
I have one daughter and had NO baby shower because I moved away at 20 weeks with my husband when he got out of basic training. It's fine, I'm not bitter about it because I'm from the school of thought that if you can procreate, you can buy your own crap for your kid. More than one baby shower is TACKY, whether it's other people throwing showers for you or not. If you have already had a shower, and someone else wants to throw you one, I think it's perfectly fine to politely decline the shower. Otherwise if you have more than one, you're a mooch. End of story. Get over yourself.
No way! You're only allowed to have one shower unless, like you said you have children multiple years apart and they're opposite gender. After that you can only request gifts from close friends and family if they offer. I think, however, that it is acceptable to have multiple showers for your first child. Especially if your family is very spread out location wise and both sides of the family want to throw you a shower. I might have one in IL and another in WI because I have family in both states that probably wont' want to travel far.
I had a few showers with each of mine (a boy and then a girl). But big ticket items I reused from my son for my daughter. I mostly got clothes and diapers and such at the shower for my daughter. I think that's what most moms need when it comes to second children and beyond. You can never get enough diapers! I think diaper showers are the best!
If you're having your 5th child in 7 years, you should have PLENTY of baby stuff stocked up from the first 4 to reuse for goodness sake! And WHY on earth do you need a $350 diaper bag? That's more than my kids' cribs were. Geez.
I technically had one for each of my kids, but they were each thrown by someone close to me. The first was from my high school danceteam and their mothers (I got pregnant my senior year), the second was very small and was a surprise from my co-workers and boss, and the third was thrown by my best friend even though she was so dead set on it happening I helped with it a lot. This being said, my kids were at least two years apart and I only registered for things that I needed new of or had already given away to friends of mine that had babies. I thought my second child was going to be my last, but my third blessing was a wonderful surprise.
I really don't know. I guess it depends on the circumstances. I think multiple showers for the first baby is definitely ok-especially since it usually is for different groups of people-friends vs work acquaintances vs. family for instance. But one for every baby? It sort of smacks of greed in a way. Let me get as many gifts as possible out of people-but then maybe some people just like parties. I only ever have had one-for my first baby-none for my other 5 kids and I'm glad I did it that way. If others want to have showers like a party monsoon that's fine. Whatever floats your boat!
I had 4 showers with my first child, a boy, and registered for gifts. I am pregnant with a little girl now and will more than likely not have another shower, because of the old school tradition, but my friends may have a lunch in my honor. I don't plan on registering for items just because we don't need as much. I have purchased play clothes and a few clothing items just because I have a feeling we are going to be inundated with frilly, girly dresses. Would it be nice to have a full blown shower? Sure. Who doesn't need diapers and wipes and such with each baby? There has to be a limit, though, and while I agree that you can't help who throws you a shower, you can keep your guest list to close friends and family.
You are not totally off-base, but it may not be under her control. She might have a pushy family or people that just genuinely want to have a shower for her. In my opinion, though, she should probably have just about everything she needs by now, except for clean diapers and baby bath/body stuff!