Sunday, 14 June 2009
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What If I Disappoint Her? - A Mother's Concern
I was looking around today, at my house and the things in it, thinking about different things. I was, at one point, making a mental list of what I needed to buy for Bella at the store. This seemed simple enough till I, somehow, connected this with a completely different thought.
What if Bella isn't happy?
I mean, she can't talk to me and tell me how she feels. And even if she is happy with her life right now, what about later in life? What if one days she looks around, takes stock, and thinks this isn't enough. I know that when I was younger, I didn't expect my life to become what it has. I didn't think I would be taking care of my siblings, of having my Mom lean on me for anything. I'm not saying that these things are bad but my Mom seemed, to me, an unstoppable force who couldn't be harmed and was without flaws. To me, my Mom was strong and beautiful. I'm sure that's the way a mother appears to all children and I was no exception.
If the way she's raised or what she becomes doesn't bother her or have no bearing, what if she blames me for her father leaving? What if she thinks, "Mom could've made him stay if she wanted to but she didn't, she didn't want Daddy and he left me." After all, a mother looks all powerful to her children.
What if, one day, Bella is disappointed in me as a mother?
Have you ever wondered or worried that your children would be disappointed in you as a parent? What do you think? And what would you do?
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About the Author
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- From: HaMioAmore@xanga
- Name: Mari
- About Me: When I handed you my heart, I didn't realize you would give it back, split into a million different, shattered, pieces.
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Comments (9)
I was having a talk with my 5 year old about this yesterday. Things have been very hectic lately and I feel I haven't been the best parent I could have been in the last couple of weeks. I apologized to him and we made some plans for when things settle down.
We do the best we can. Some days our best isn't as good as it is other days but still we always do our best. That's all we can do and hope it turns out alright.Â
I'm not a parent or anything and I know I'm not an expert, but my opinion of my parents is based on the person I know them to be. My family life wasn't very stable when I was younger, but I completely admire my parents (especially my father) because of how they handled the various situations and the great parents they were throughout my childhood and even today. My opinion on them has everything to do with the amazing way they pulled through difficult times, and not on the fact that we happened to have those times.
Good luck- I'm sure you are a great parent. :)
All we can do is our best. I am sure at times that doesn't seem like enough. No parent is without flaws and we will fail at times. I just try to be as open and honest with my daughters as I can. They know that I make mistakes and they hear me say sorry when I do. All I can hope for from them when they are adults is that I did the best I could.
mother feelings ...
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Yeah...we've all been there. Unfortunately when things don't work out like we planned we tend to feel guilty and take the blame for things we could not have changed....and we shouldn't do this. You should be very proud of yourself for loving your little girl more than anyone else in the whole world! That's what will make her happy in the end. There will be rough times but you have to remind yourself of your love for her to get you through those times, she'll realize it.
I hope to give my daughter everything she could ever want (who doesn't). Deep down I know though that even if I can't she will still love me.
All kids go through a few stages where they "hate" their parents, really not looking forward to that.
I know that through all me and my mom have been through I am in no way dissapointed in her. Shes amazing even if she didn't do everything right.
I think this is something that all parents worry about, and to be honest, it's human. It's not a bad thing that you feel this way. The simple fact is, children can be cruel. They say things without thinking, I'm sure I said all kinds of things to my parents I didn't mean.
But now that I am older and live on my own, I understand things better and am more grateful.
I am not a mother (but I am a doting aunt!) but my sister has a little girl named Janie who's a little more than a year old. My sister has been diagnosed with clinical depression (and we don't even know how long it's been going on for) ever since she was my age (18 or 19). When she had her precious little baby, she once cried to me and her words yanked at my heart, "What if I'm not a good mother?" We were all worried that Janie might have depression as well (studies have shown that depression could be carried genetically and if it is, it could be a lot worse in your children). I reassured my sister that when Janie's a teenager and they get into horrendous fights (because you know they'll happen ;D), I'll just take Janie out for some air so they could both cool down from each other. She will do her best as a mother, to raise her with the most utmost care and affection. I will do my best as an aunt, to love her and shower her with gifts.
On an extra note, we are no longer afraid that Janie might have depression. She is the happiest baby you could ever meet. Even though depression could be triggered for no reason, we hope for the best. On a more comical side, neither our family nor my sister's husband could figure out how such a happy baby could come out of such an angry woman. ;D.