Friday, 12 June 2009
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Preparing Your Child for a Deployment (Or Any Extended Absence of a Parent)
Mama Bear
As a wife, right before my husband deploys to a combat zone I have tons of things running through my head. How am I going to manage everything alone.. again? What kind of a toll will this take on our marriage? How will I survive without my love, my partner, by my side? And about 1,000 terrifying "what-if's" that I don't need or want to say out loud or put in writing, but they're obvious.
But this time around as I prepare for my husband to leave, I have a whole new set of concerns. My oldest daughter is old enough to understand that Daddy isn't here but isn't old enough to understand why. She is old enough to miss him and verbalize it.. to ask for, or worse yet cry for her Dad. The last time he was gone she was just a baby, in fact she was born while he was away. She didn't know any better that he was gone and it only took a day or so for her to take right to him when he got back. He quickly and smoothly fit right into her life at 8 months old, as if he had always been there. Because one of my biggest worries for both my daughter and husband is that the transition back into life with Daddy will not be as happy, and easy of a time.. I have long been thinking of ways I can keep Daddy in her life, and her in his, while he is away.
Build-a-bear offers tons of different stuffed animals these days that can even be stuffed with a personalized voice message. We've planned a special Daddy day in which my husband will take just our oldest daughter (the baby is too young to notice who is here, as long as someone has milk) and together they will make their own stuffed animals together. Not only will my husband record a special message to be put inside of the stuffed animal, but we will also put a set of his dog tags that we had made around the animal as well. To make a day of it, they will also be getting some lunch and having a picnic with their new furry friend at my daughter's favorite local park.
Video cameras these days can be found for very reasonable prices, and many will burn the videos right onto a mini dvd that can be played in most all dvd players. Before your service member leaves, have him record a special video for your child. Have him read his/her favorite books, sing favorite songs, or say and do any silly or special things that the two of them often do together. For example, my husband will be reading Goodnight Moon and singing Tim McGraw's "My Little Girl" as he does every night when he puts her to bed. If you have the extra time, make a few different videos and surprise your child with a new message from Daddy at some point in the deployment.
If your service member has a lap top or access to community computers, send him off with a web cam. Get a web cam for your home computer as well and utilize any of the chat programs with video (yahoo, MSN and AIM all have this option) that will allow you and your family to see your soldier, and your soldier to see you. Pictures are great but there is nothing like actually being able to see your loved ones faces "live". And live videos keep my toddlers attention much better than still pictures, so she will interact with her dad longer too.
Two military wives began the idea of the Daddy Doll -- a great way to "Hug your Hero" when he is far away. All you need is a picture (full length head to boots) of your soldier. Even if you don't have a full length picture, they can work with what you do have. You can choose the background color of your fabric and even add a voice recorded message like the build-a-bear animals. They are a little pricey, but not too bad. Check out the website for more details!
Depending on how long the tour is, you can help your child count down the days in many different ways. Chain links made from construction paper can be strung up (space providing) and your child can tear away a link each day. A penny, quarter, dollar, whatever you wish can be dropped into a special bank each day to be filled up and used on a special vacation with Dad when he returns home. If your husband can take the time to write a little note for each week or a letter for each month he will be gone, you can put them in a special place and give your child something to look forward to each week/month. And best of all, when they run out of letters, Daddy will be home!
Lastly, involve your kids in preparing care packages to send. Let them help choose items to send, bake special items, create cards and artwork to put inside, and pack the box up. Reuse old boxes that you have around the house instead of paying for boxes at the post office, and cover them with brown paper. Let your child decorate the sides with stickers and markers. It will give the package a special touch, and will make it easy for your service member to pick out his package on mail days.
There are tons of ways to help kids, and moms, cope with deployments. Are there any special things that you do to help deal with your loved one being gone?
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About the Author
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- From: mamabear
- Name: Mama
- About Me: I'm a proud Army wife and SAHM to two beautiful little girls!
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Comments (10)
when my dad was deployed in '96, we talked to him on the phone every once in a while...email was more frequent (but video chat wasn't useful then) and was a good way to remember the way he spoke and hear stories about what was going on on his side of the world.
my sisters and i loved putting together care packages and sending out-of-the-blue "hi dad" messages. i think it made his day and ours, too :)
Great post! Deployments are so hard on kids. My older son was 2 when my husband deployed and he was heart broken. I made him a Daddy Doll style pillow that he still sleeps with (He's 5). I kept pictures everywhere, I laminated a few so he can carry them around without them getting damaged. We talked on the webcam as much as possible. We talked about what Daddy was doing (in age appropriate ways) and how we were very proud of him.Â
Right now my husband is gone for two weeks with the National Guard. We call him at bedtime so the kids can tell him good night. They talk about him every day and say that they miss him so being able to talk with him every night really helps.
give the child anything ...
Thank you for the sacrifices your family is making! And thank you, momaroo, for posting this. People forget about the sacrifices military families make.
These are great ideas. Don't really have anything to add, but wanted to say thank you to your family (and the many others) that make sacrafices like this for our country ... though words can never say enough. Wishing you the best and keeping your family in our prayers.
My husband was in the military and deployed. It was hard on our son and me too. I did a couple of things to help. I created an email address for my son. He was in first grade and could write but not type very well so I helped him send emails to his dad. He helped with sending packages. The other thing I did was make a chain out of construction paper with a link for each day that his dad would be gone. Everyday he would take a chain off and could see that it was getting closer to time for daddy to be home.
these are all great ideas and I have nothing to add! I would just like to offer my prayers and gratitude to all the soldiers out there and the families that support them, including yours.
All great ideas.
it is child abuse to house a soldier w/him or her.
@comparedtoyou@xanga - Ditto to this! Your husband is giving of himself, but so are you and your kids! Thank you for your sacrifice and service!