Friday, 05 June 2009

• "Mom, My WeeWee Is Broken..."

  sharboy's sharkbytes
  

  

  I'm walking into the downstairs bathroom to hang some freshly warm laundered towels on the towel rack when I step into something cold and wet. I sigh in total exasperation because if it's not one thing in this house it's a half dozen or the other. I speculate as to whether the water is from the bathroom sink and upon further inspection of the sink, I find no water in it. I check the pipes under it and there is no leak. I move next to the toilet to see that there actually wasn't a small puddle I stepped in, I stepped in part of a very large puddle. I check around the base of the toilet to see if it's leaking and check the pipe behind it, it's not leaking. I'm perplexed at this point and walk out of the bathroom with a furrowed brow trying to figure out where the puddle had come from as I go to get a cleaning towel to mop it up.

  I have no idea and resign myself to the fact that it's a mystery and mop up the puddle and toss the towel. A few hours later, I go into the bathroom once again only this time to get hand sanitizer to put on my hands. Once again, I stepped into a puddle and once again, I mopped it up and tossed the cleaning towel. The next day, the mystery was to be solved. I had just finished putting something away in SharkBoy's room when I notice as I pass through the hall that the bathroom light is on. Standing totally buck naked on his little tiny blue and yellow stool in front of the toilet with his backside to me is SharkBoy with his hands on his hips. This is not how he was taught during pottytraining to use the toilet. I walk into the bathroom and ask him, "Just what exactly are you doing?" Very confidant of himself with a hint of pride he grins and answers back, "I'm going potty just like Daddy."

  I didn't know whether to be angry or laugh and in the manner that is so typical for me, I walked out of the bathroom laughing and saying, "That is not how your father uses the toilet, son. You obviously have missed a couple steps." What was I going to do? What could I do? I couldn't stop him midstream, it was too late. He'd already peed all over the toilet seat, the back of the toilet, the floor, and there was still more coming. After waiting until he was finished, still laughing, I explained to him that he has to hold himself and aim into the toilet if he is going to continue pottying in this manner. He looked so innocent and cute standing there buck naked that I could not quit laughing for anything. His tweeny older sister on the other hand, didn't think there was anything funny about it. She was disgusted because unknown to me before that moment, she had stepped in a few puddles herself. Upon learning what those puddles were she was more than put off by her little brother. 

  Two hours later, I'm sitting at my computer desk surfing the internet reading about current events locally, nationally, and internationally when I hear this really loud spray behind me that sounds like a hose about to spray my direction. Inwardly my heart sank as I wondered if SharkBoy was standing up again to urinate into the toilet. I look directly across the hall from my computer to the bathroom to see two little feet dangling above the floor attached to SharkBoy's legs and little bum seated on the toilet. Wondering what in the world he was doing to make such an amplifed noise, I lean a little more in my chair so I can get a look into the bathroom. He's sitting on the toilet and balancing himself with one hand. The other hand is pushing his penis down to make sure the stream of urine stays inside the toilet bowl to make sure that he doesn't spray urine all over the ceiling, walls, floor, etc. I could hear the stream change pitch here and there as he messed about seemingly as if he was drawing his name on the side of the toilet bowl with his urine. Why not, right? [laughs] When he had finished and didn't emerge from the bathroom for some time after going potty, I leaned again in my chair to see what he was doing. He was inspecting himself turning his member this way and stretching it that way. Of course, that prompted giggling from me but I did my best to be quiet about it. After inspecting himself, his little shoulders sunk and he let out a very disappointed sigh. Sensing at that moment he was being watched, he came ouf of the bathroom and walking toward me with his underpants in hand with a very horrified expression on his face he said, "My penis is broken."

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing and it didn't work. Not even the thought of how much therapy this kid could wind up with later from his mother laughing about his penis could hold me back, in fact it made it more difficult not to laugh. The thought of it all together...well, I completely lost it and laughed until my eyes welled up with tears. I finally composed myself and still with amusement in my tone asked him, "What do you mean, your penis is broken?" I knew what he was going to say and I was right. With such dismay he said, "See, Mom, just look." He began to turn his penis this way and stretch it that way expecting it to stay the way he had stretched it but it shrank right back in place as God intended it to. SharkBoy said again in panic with tears in his eyes, "It's broken Mom, my penis is broken..." Bless his little heart, I started laughing again as I scooped him up in my arms and set a little naked SharkBoy on my lap as I helped him put his underpants back on and explaining the whole "tag goes in the back." I then explained to him that his little button of a member was indeed not broken, it just doesn't come out until he has to go potty. With great concern he asked me, "Are you sure?" I told him indeed I was. The explanation seemed satisfactory to him. Of course we all know that later in adolescence and puberty, it will be erect for other reasons but one step at a time for this innocent precious little three year old boy.

  A few hours later I heard SharkBoy in the bathroom again only this time when he was finished, he came running to me underpants in hand grinning and shouting, "Your right Mom, it isn't broken. It's just fine."

  Still laughing...
  

   
  

  • 1:02 PM
  • 5482 Views
  • 82 eProps
  • 39 Comments