Monday, 01 June 2009
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Social Appropriateness While Pumping
The unbelievable just happened to me not ten minutes ago... When I first came back to work after having my daughter, Amara, I would sit in a restroom to pump breastmilk for her twice a day. Sometimes I would have a chair to sit on, sometimes I'd have to stand or sit on the floor (hygienic, I know). There was no lock on the door, and the bathroom was commonly used by both staff members and the people we serve who have developmental disabilities. I would tape an "occupied" sign on the door, but there would always be someone who didn't look and would start to open the door. Met with complete embarrassment when they heard a voice shout "I'm in here!", the door would immediately close before the person even got his or her head in the door. I would be met with an apology later, even though the person knew I was pumping and probably not all that exposed.
After a while, the three coworkers in my office (2 males, 1 female) suggested that I just put a privacy screen up in front of my cubicle and pump here instead of in the bathroom. I was elated to know that they wouldn't be uncomfortable hearing the "whish-whoosh" of the pump and spray of the milk! Since that time, I've been pumping in my cubicle with no problem.
Until today, that is.
Prior to today, people have just spoken to me through the screen or handed papers over it if they need to give me something while I'm busy. Today, though, I actually just had a woman enter my cubicle while I was pumping. She said my name when she came into the office, and I thought we'd have a conversation between the screen as usual. Then I notice that she's moving the screen while talking. I immediately say "I'm pumping in here," just in case she didn't understand the concept of a privacy screen (she already knows that I pump at work and that's what I'm doing when I have the screen up, but I thought I'd remind her in case she really was just naive). She continued to enter while I frantically tried to cover my completely exposed top, replying "oh, I'm not going to let the screen fall down. I just thought if you had the list of names that I need then you could give it to me." Dumbfounded and concerned that my coworkers could now see in too (I don't think they could, though), I replied that I wasn't sure where it was and wasn't going to look for it right now, so I would print it for her. Then she stayed in my cubicle while I brought up the document on my computer and hit print! (All the while trying to hold my jacket closed, balance an open bottle of milk, and prevent myself from leaking everywhere with my other hand). After leaving, she placed the screen back but managed to leave a gap that would have allowed someone to see in without even trying should he or she be standing in the right location.
Come on, isn't it obvious that a privacy screen is there for a reason, like that you want to be private? Should I be any less outraged at this than if it had been a man? I don't mind breastfeeding in public, but pumping is a completely different thing to me. Where does the line cross from cluelessness about social norms and appropriateness to sexual harassment? I'm a big advocate that nursing breasts should not be considered sexual, but what about in the environment of pumping at work?
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About the Author
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- From: mrsEast@xanga
- Name: mrsEast
- About Me: I am a mother and a wife. A woman who is strong and unafraid. A woman who works hard to supply for her family, while her heart desparately yearns to instead be home with them. I am a coordinator of activities at a Day Habilitation program, a paramedic for a county ambulance, and a volunteer firefighter. More importantly, I am woman who is in love with her Creator and trusts him with her future. I may go to work 5 or 6 days a week, but I'm also a semi-crunchy, breastfeeding, bed sharing, cloth diapering, natural parenting lady who's in love with my baby and desires to live life a little more simply.
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Comments (20)
I pumped at work for about 18 months. I had a couple of female coworkers who would sit and talk to me while I pumped. I never really cared. If it had been someone I didn't know well or wasn't comfortable with I would tell them to go away and come back in 15 minutes when I'm done. You should tell that woman that you aren't working when you're pumping and that she is not welcome when the screen is up.
If she does it again spill milk on her papers and give them back.
maybe she didn't realize that the exposure would bother you? i know my mother raised me with the idea "we're all girls, we all have the same parts" etc. it always surprised me the pains women go to cover themselves up (like in the changing room at the fitness center for example), even in my younger years in PE ("don't LOOK at me!!!") i agree with you that breast feeding in public shouldn't be considered a sexual thing, and that people should be more open about it (however, mothers also need to realize that it does make some people uncomfortable, so if you DO do it, use a blanket or something to cover up). maybe you should explain to her that you are a fairly modest person and would appreciate it if she waited until you were done pumping before entering your cubicle, or at least talk to you over the screen. maybe to her it wasn't a big deal and didn't realize she was overstepping on your boundaries.
In my case, it wouldnt bother me if another woman came in.. but I understand how not everyone is that way. She was probably just thinking of how natural the whole process was and didnt really think that it may make you uncomfortable, although everyone should always ask first. I wouldnt think too much of it. You could let her know that you feel that is a private time and next time just communicate through the screen. No worries.
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It's great that they found a way for you to have privacy to pump at work! (it's required and I don't know how a bathroom is good for that at all!).... anyway, what she did is totally inappropriate.
When I pumped at work I found a room next to my office that we used as a packing room (for packages being sent out) and locked one of the doors and hung a sign on the other. I worked with all females and told them that if they really needed something in there while I was pumping to knock and then they could enter. Most of the time I was fairly covered up wearing button up shirts and faced away from the doors. But regardless of my okay they RARELY (I'm talking a total of maybe 2-3 times) came in while I was pumping. It was nice of them. And proper too.
I think that was completely inappropriate. Personally, I wouldn't mind too much if it was a close friend or my husband but anyone else? NO! Pumping was kind of creepy to me if I thought about it too long anyway so I know I would have been completely mortified. Maybe you should send her a quick, friendly email to let her know that it makes you uncomfortable because it does sound like she was just naive.
Wow....I've had issues with our "privacy room" here at work. But after reading what you go thru, I am just thankful that I have a dedicated room. (Although it is required in the state I live in.) Good luck with the intruder....
The best thing I can suggest is since she doesn't "get" boundaries, be more clear next time, "Can you please come back in 15 minutes?" We have a tiny storage room with an extra computer that I plan to use for pumping so I can work at the same time, I just have to get some posterboard to put over the window. I'm glad you posted this so I can plan my responses.
That would make me slightly frustrated and embarrassed. I have always been really shy in showing body parts since I was 5. I think she should of stopped when you said "I'm pumping in here". That obviously meant you wanted to be alone. Next time I'd say "Can you please wait until I am done? This is a private thing to me." and if she still doesn't get it just tell her to go away. That lady must be dumb, or just rude.
In Illinois, it is a law where a woman has to have a place at her place of work where she can pump, if she needs to. At my job, we have a room located right next to one of our bathrooms that's for breast-feeding mothers only. It has 2 leather chairs and a table in it.
As a mother, you have every right to your privacy when pumping, even at work. She had no right to intrude like that. She needs to be made aware of the fact that what she did overstepped your boundaries and made you feel that she had no respect for you or your body.
I feel that this situation borders the line between pure stupidity and slight sexual harassment. She still moved the screen even after you made it clear you did not want you to as you were not 100% clothed.
feel for you as this whole subject is close to my heart. Trying to do the very
best for our children is of course a life long battle and duty. It is with great
sadness that this can become a struggle whilst ones dear little infant is so
totally dependant on the one natural thing that we all aspire to provide - our
breast milk. It sounds like a straight forward case of 'sour grapes' to me, it
is so obvious what you are doing behind your screen and that you off course
require some privacy, - how dare you take a few minutes out of your working day
to provide for your babies fundamental needs? I think it would be very nice to
indicate to this person that you do not need her poking her nose in whilst you
are expressing no matter what paper work is required - how dare her!
Christine (PoshMums.com) UK
you could get one of those nursing cover ups that you hang around your neck. Helps w/ pumping privately too.
WOW! I would mention to here that evenn though she may feel close enough to you to not mind you pumping...you feel uncomfortable having people just walk in. She may have thought the privacy sheet was for others benefit not yours. I'd explain to here how you felt so it doesn't cause strain in the office
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I agree with what the other women have said. 1) your office should provide you with a place where you can have the privacy that you need. 2) tell your co-worker how you feel.
I can't help but scream and cry all at the same time when I read your post! You're situation is outrageous and even frustrating for me to read. When I went back to work I had to roll a chair into the bathroom. But one thing that saved me was my hands-free pumping bra. I could slip it on under my shirt and it held my pump in place. I was still embarrassed when someone walked in on me b/c you could hear the sucking of the pump, but at least all the hardware (and my breasts) were hidden under my shirt. The other nice thing about my hands-free bra.. I could check my email on my Blackberry b/c my hands were free. Maybe that might help your situation a little, but it still doesn't excuse the insensitive behavior of your co-workers. Here's the website for my hands-free bra: www.easyexpressionproducts.com. Good luck!!
Something like this happened to me, too - I told a coworker I needed to go pump (Dutch law requires employers to provide both paid time out of the workday AND a room with a washbasin for that) and she said "I'll come with you!" Excuse me???
I think you should (calmly) talk to the woman and explain that you need privacy in order to pump. I mean, come on! You need to have some time to think about your baby while you pump, not search for documents and hit print while juggling (pardon the pun) the milk bottle and your less-than-public bits. For goodness' sake... Some people just walk all over other people's boundaries, and I think she needs to be told that there IS such a thing as a boundary. I mean, the screen is there for a reason, right?
@Riftsong@xanga - "If she does it again spill milk on her papers and give them back." Hahaha!! That is too funny... ROFL!