Friday, 22 May 2009

• Give Me Your Hand

  
  

  Throughout my childhood, my father was a compulsive hand-grabber whenever we were near cars. I can't remember how old I was when I finally told him I could manage on my own and it was time to let go. I do know that the last time I crossed a parking lot with him, I could tell that he had the instinct to take my hand despite the fact that I drove us to that parking lot; I could tell because he reached for my hand.

  Dad, c'mon, I'm thirty-two.

  As I grew up, I understood his need to hold my hand near traffic. When he was a kid, he was hit by car after running out into the street. He has a steel rod in his arm and a very nasty scar from the injury. That made him a vigilant parent who fully understood that life can change in the blink of an eye.

  When I was a teenager, my best friend was hit by car while we were crossing the street. We had the right of way on a city street, began to cross but a car ignored the red light. When I realized the car was not slowing down, I tried yanking my friend back towards me, but it was not quite enough. While her injuries were amazingly minor, it reminded me that if we aren't aware of our surroundings, we are in danger. We are simply at the mercy of a driver's ability to follow the rules, their own awareness and their own ability to drive safely.

  These lessons made me an avid hand holder of small children. The one time my son wriggled out of my grip and darted ahead of me was the one time a driver, going too fast in a parking lot, zoomed towards him. We were lucky because mommy jumped in front of the moving car to shield kid. The moving car screeched to a halt before making me a mommy-pancake. I haven't had to really had to ask for a hand from my son since and when I get it, I have a death grip on it: Lesson learned.

  Yet, many times on my break at work, I sit in my car in the parking lot outside my store and people watch. I see lots of parents who do not hold hands with their kids and who are generally ignoring every safety rule I was ever taught. For example, I saw this familiar scene last night:

  Mom and kids walking out of a store. Mom's gotta a small bag in her hand and is chatting away on the phone. All the kids ahead of her, save the smallest, crossing the main drag ahead of mom and then merrily skipping to the car. The smallest of the kids, probably 3 or 4 years old, is behind mom. The kids get to the vehicle, wait for mom, who is slowly strolling and talking. Kids play what looks like hide and seek between parked cars while mom stops for some obviously riveting conversation.

  Mom finally gets to the mini-van, unlocks it and kids climb in. Then comes the littlest one who gets a quick scolding for lagging behind from mom before attempting to get herself little self in back of the mini-van. Mom doesn't wait for the little one to succeed in climbing in nor does she assist the little girl with sliding the finger-slicing door closed. Mom, still on the phone, gets in the mini-van, closes her door, starts the engine all before smallest kid finally manages to get in and get death door closed.

  (I'm hoping I need not explain what's wrong with the above picture.) 

  It made me wonder as parents, what causes us to forget very fundamental things such as to hold a child's hand in a bustling parking lot? Just because you have more kids then hands, doesn't mean you can't hold hands and lead the way safely, right?

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