Thursday, 14 May 2009
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Daughters - They Grow Up So Fast
by Mama Dragonfly
The truth is that I am a mother of a girl who is on the verge of reaching puberty. As much as I'd like to hold her back in childhood forever, as much as I sometimes close my eyes and pretend that she will stay innocent and be naive of the way of the world, she is growing up faster than I can imagine. I would sometimes watch her watching me with eyes open wide, ready to copy, imitate my behaviors and follow in my footsteps, no matter how she rolls her eyes at me or proclaims how lame I am.
Sometimes, as I approach mid life (that's right, I might as well admit it) and have an itch to pursue my own happiness, I forget that I have given up that right the day I became a mother. My life is not my own. I have a little girl, who will become a young lady in a few years and what I do will impact on her choices in life. And I say this with a surety and extreme confidence because every day I catch myself repeating a phrase, imitating a gesture, echoing a decision that my mother had made. Especially today, I am reminded of this fact. As I consciously and subconsciously shape her into a person she will become, she is shaping me into a person whom I am evolving into.
Mothers influence daughters and daughters influence mothers. My mother always puts my needs ahead of hers all throughout my life. My wants and needs should always come after my daughter's needs and wishes also. What better way to become a more worthy person than to be conscious of your choices and be aware of how they affect your child. That's one lesson my mom has taught me, and I need to remember that with every breath I take and every choice I make.Do you have teenaged children? How was your relationship like with your parents when you were a teenager?
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About the Author
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- From: mamadragonfly
- About Me: I am Mama Dragonfly from St. Louis, Missouri. I am married and have two wonderful children; a nine year old boy and an eleven year old girl. I also work full time as a researcher in the biotechnology field. To be a wife, a mom, a housekeeper, a cook, and a full time worker is a huge juggling act for me. This is a task I struggle with every day even after all these years. Blogging about my ever constant quest to do it all helps me put things in perspective, and maybe keep my sanity intact. Parenting is nothing like I expected-- with its challenges, setbacks, and most of all, unmeasurable rewards. I guess the trick to obtain balance is to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride no matter how trying life can be sometimes.
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Comments (8)
I am not a mum, but my relationship with my mum was horrible when I was a teen. I rebelled, I stayed out all night, I never told her anything, I didn't care for her feelings. I feel horrible about that now, but our relationship is now close and strong. I love my mum.
You sound a lot like my mum. She always put my, and my bro's needs before hers. Everything she did was for the two of us. She always told me that her life belonged to the two of us, her life is not her own any more. It saddens me to hear that, but also makes me love her more. She's given up so much for the two of us. She never thought of herself while we were growing up, she always saved everything good for the two of us.
She's always there for me and is really my best friend :)
I was not close to my mother as a teen. I became closer to her after I had my first daughter and have continued to become closer and closer over the years.
I have 3 daughters and our relationship has been close at time and not so close at other times, but they are all adults now and we are extremely close. We all are. Along with their 2 brothers. I just love it, it means so much to me.
Great post! Thanks!
you should NEVER give up your life as your own...even if you procreate, because rest assured your spawn WILL have their own lives from day one. Since when does motherhood mean giving up the self and since when does selfishness mean bad...my mother NEVER thought about me first and I am better for it!
@MaddisLongshore@xanga - It's not so much thinking of your children first, as it is considering them in every decision. Everything a parent does affects their children and because of that you MUST think about how each decision may or may not impact them. And Selfishness is nothing to aspire to. Jesus said the last will become first and the first last. I'm sure your mother did not make you the center of the universe and I agree with you that is a good thing. Children are born thinking the world revolves around them and they have to be taught that that is not the case. If a parent is a selfish person and doesn't take into account how what they do or want to do will affect their children but just act in a selfish way and do what they want no matter the cost to them, that is exactly what the children will learn. Also, parents who cater to every whim of their child will learn selfishness and become self centered. I don't think this poster was talking about doing that.
While I am a mother, mine is only eight so teenager is something I have time to get to. trust aand beleive I am in no rush. Like you I wish she wouldn't grow up so fast. The realisty is that I try to make as many teachable moments as I can so that she can learn what/what not to do when I am not there with her. I've always been close with my mother, my father too. My parents and I have always been close, and now even more so that I have a child of my own. I agree with you about taking care of your children 100%, but I can't say that when I had my daughter my life became not my own. I still care for her first, but I also take care of me too. Although this doesn't mean I am trying to be disrespectful to you for being that way. Its just not for me. Moms are so different now, I see these young mothers who are but babies they damn selves and got nerve to tell me how I should be raising mine and I am well over 25!!
My daughter has hair in places that I didn't until I got to highschool, she is budding boobs and watches with bated breath everymove I make. She does things I did at her age that she have NEVER seen me do. I talk to her like a child and deal with her likle one for I know that someday she will make an awesome kick ass adult. I hope that my cloesness with her only gets stronger. She may be my daughter, but she has been the best part of the journey called life. I wouldn't have missed it for the world and would do it all over again if I had to.
I hated my parents when I was a teenager, except my dad was okay. He was just sorta annoying.
But now its like this: I like my dad better because he' more easygoing and understanding then my mom. And my mom, I still think she's a horrible bitch but I've seen now that she can be nice and I respect her.
However living with my dad has opened up my eyes to two things, my dad can be a downright bastard and selfish and my mom has done a lot more for me then I've given her credit for.
As a teen I got along pretty well with my mom. Was really bad preteen, but she took me out of public school (for various reasons) and that helped a ton with my attitude in general (boy was I a brat haha). She was one of my best friends as a teen and is definitely my best girl-friend now!
:)