Wednesday, 13 May 2009
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Stay Together For the Kids?
With all this talk about Jon And Kate Plus 8's cheating drama, it's easy to wonder how many families are actually happy or just doing it for show or more importantly, the kids.
All you need is a television or computer to find out the cheating scandal behind Jon and Kate Plus 8's couple Jon and Kate Gosselin. First Jon's cheating, then Kate strayed away, and now "sources" say they've had a miserable marriage for years and just stay together for the children (and show).
Whether or not their situation is true, this idea of staying together just so the kids can have a "healthy enviroment" does ring true in some households. But how healthy is it for the children to be brought up in a hostile home that has surpressed tension between both parents because of how unhappy they are?
Though a controversial topic, it's shockingly something that is more popular than you may assume.guest post from MyRegistry.com
Is it worth staying together for your kids? What bad/good effects do you think come out of it?
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Comments (24)
if i was married to that woman i'd cheat on her too.
oh like my family? like my dad, telling my mom he's stick it out until my youngest brother turned 18? that turned out SWIMMINGLY well!
I am very against staying together for the child! I was with my son's father until my son was almost 1! He was mentally abusive and even held me down on some occasions. It isn't worth it and can negatively effect the children down the line. I actually just did a speech about this 2 weeks ago!
My mum stayed with my dad for my bro and I.
No. Kids pick up on that. As Dr Phil says they would much rather be from a broken home than live in one.Â
It's not worth it to stay together. If your unhappy together your kids will pick up on it, and they will be miserable themselves. It's better to seperate and be happy with other people, then to pretend when your kids actually know the truth.
No. A miserable marriage can have negative repercussions on the children's future relationships, since they don't have a functional relationship from which to model. All I can say as a person who's parents are "together for the kids", it can make you afraid of getting married.
@ringostarr102185@xanga - I agree with that. marriage to me is terrifying.
my parents stayed together for the kids. I've known that my entire life. there were constant arguments and terrible things that were said on both sides. terrible things that were meant. it's not that I had an unhappy childhood, but I had to grow up on eggshells around my parents because they'd get mad and then just go off on eachother. I love both of them independantly, but it's not worth them putting up with all of it. honestly I think they both thought about separating, but neither one had the balls to venture out and try to meet someone better. now they live in the same house and they mostly live their completely separate lives. it's wierd. neither one is dating, but they don't talk that much.
@spicycajun@xanga - LOL! she is kinda too f'kin much!
@Mr_Gnome@xanga - Pretty much the same here.
this is a tough question. I guess it depends on the situation.
@ringostarr102185@xanga - that's a very eloquent response. Jon and Kate have definitely been placed in a difficult situation. It must be so hard to be in the public eye like this!
Depends on whether or not you can act like mature adults for these kids. Most people can't and they end up setting bad examples for their kids anyway.
I am TOTALLY against staying together "for the children". Children would much rather be from a broken home than to live in one.
if the parents can make it work, sure. but only till the kids are old enough to understand.
@Mr_Gnome@xanga - i grew up the same way, and now i'd rather not get married. i see it as a dead end.
Coming from a family that "stayed together", I would most definitely advise the opposite. It's not healthy for anyone in the long run.
I never understood why people think that's a good idea. Kids know things. They know when something isn't right. They hear the fights their parents try to keep quiet.
A child would rather be from a broken home, than in one. I stole that from Dr. Phil. Hahaha. =)
I think that in the economy we live in now, more and more parents are staying together for the kids. Not because it is healthier for them, but because they can't afford divorce right now. And because one person is laid off or unemployed somehow.
I don't think it's right to stay together for the kids, but I think it's important to at least give the marriage a fair, honest try. I think that two people in this situation should attempt to go to marriage counseling and that they should at least attempt to work things out. I think it's selfish not to, especially if the issues are something that you can get past.
I live in Pakistan, and my mom stays in her marriage "for the kids". There is a lot of fighting and scraming, and we always have to think twice before we say or do anything. when i was younger, i would think the same thing: why wont she divorce him?
now that i'm older, i have a lot of lawyer friends who can help my mom get a divorce, child support, etc, but i realise tat its not what i want.
even though our household isnt the best, or the most peaceful, i realise that we love each other in all our own twisted way. Heck, we miss our dad to bits when he goes away on trips.
As far as setting a bad example for the children goes, I've learned so much from my parents relationship, mostly what NOT to do. I'm very, very happy with the gentleman of a boyfriend/fiance, and we've ben together for the last five years.
Ofcourse, I do wish i had been brought up in a happier home, but then again, it wouldve made me a totally different person. I understand the repurcussions of staying in a loveless marriage, but it mostly depends on how communicative the parents are with their kids and how mature the kids are.
Although mine is a little more personal I wrote a post about this exact topic. I think it all depends on the relationship and the situation.
I don't think Jon and Kate stayed together for the children. I think they stayed together for the show. They needed the money. Now that they don't need it anymore, they can behave in public however they wish. It's so sad and disturbing that money is at the forefront and the kids are an afterthought. They chose to be in the public eye. We all know reality TV isn't real.
I don't think anyone should stay together soley for the kids. The kids will hurt yes, but they will grow up and get over it. The younger they are and the kind of relationship has a lot to do w/ it. Also the way you tell them and the way you treat each other around them has a lot to do with it. And that they know it's not because of them that you're splitting up. Kids blame themselves for a lot of things, and that goes for the older you are. However.. you'll all be happier in the end. We're human, and we make mistakes. And America goes to show that marriage is near the top of that mistake list.
It's actually NOT healthy. Kids pick up on that stuff, and sometimes they think it's their fault.
Using their kids as a scapegoat to prolong their divorce is not a "healthy family environment".
- Kunoichi