Wednesday, 13 May 2009
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Go to the Prom; Don't Graduate With Your Class
by Mama Pig I was raised in the church. My entire young life involved the church. I was raised Baptist and I carry many of those same beliefs with me to this day. I attended a church that did not ban dancing and the like. I had heard of a few places that did not allow such a thing, but it never really had much affect on me.
That is until my senior year of high school.
I was dating a boy that attended a small private school. The church associated with the school seriously frowned upon dancing. He was even approached by the principal and discouraged against attending with me. He was not threatened with what this poor young man has been threatened with, thank goodness.
This young man signed an agreement at the start of the school year to abide by the rules of the school. Dancing is banned. If he chooses to attend the prom at the local public high school with his girlfriend; he will be suspended and not allowed to walk during his own graduation. He will also be given incomplete on all of his assignments. They will allow him to receive his diploma after he completes his exams; long after the ceremony.
Here is my biggest problem; this is a function outside of the school day. How is this school allowed to punish this child for something that his own parents have offered their approval? I realize there is the "contract", but come on. We are talking about a longstanding tradition of attending prom. They aren't going to be dancing naked on the table tops (at least I hope not). They are going to dress up in some really beautiful clothes that won't look near as beautiful when they look at the pictures twenty years from now (I know this from personal experience) and they are going to have a good time with their friends.
This is just my opinion, but I think the whole thing just stinks. To be forced to choose between completing your senior year or embarking on a night of fun with your girlfriend is just stupid. I look forward to your thoughts.
Again, I keep falling back on the contract the boy signed. The single thing they have to hold him to this punishment. What do you guys think...fair or power trip on the part of the school?
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About the Author
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- From: mamapig
- Name: mamapig
- About Me: Hello everyone. I am Mama Pig. I am a very busy mom of eight children. Five by birth and three my marriage. While it is a busy life, it is one I wouldn't change for the world. Our oldest is 18 and will be graduating in May. We are even in the boys/girls department with four each. Two just turned 14, two just turned 12, one will be 10 this year, and the babies are 4 and 2. There are no twins in the mix, just step siblings that happen to be close in age. You will read alot about Down syndrome when you read my blog. Our youngest daughter was born with Down syndrome as well as a congenital heart defect. These are two issues I am extremely passionate about. I just resumed classes at the local community college. My goal is to someday reach law school with the hopes of focusing on family law.
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Comments (163)
man, i heard about this from a friend's post, and i couldn't be anymore then pissed off.
while i didn't really care to go to my prom, the guy was still invited by his girlfriend to go, and due to his Baptists school's rules, he's being threaten to not graduate just because he might listen to some rock music
ugh, and people still wonder why the world is such a confusing place
The young man and his parents signed a document saying that they would abide by certain rules while enrolled at the school. One of those rules is that he wouldn't attend a dance or prom.
Now is it a dumb rule? Perhaps, but that's not the point. The point is that he knew that rule, and willfully disobeyed it. If your child has a curfew at 10, and doesn't come in until 12, are you just gonna let it slide, because, "Hey, he's a kid!"?
You have to follow the rules, or you suffer the consequences. That's the bottom line.
I can't help but be reminded of the old (bad) joke that Baptists don't have sex because they fear it might lead to dancing.
To me the giveaway quote from the article is:
"In life, we constantly make decisions whether we are going to please self or please God. (Frost) chose one path, and the school committee chose the other," [principal] England said.
Well then. I'm glad that Frost has chosen to please God, since he's clearly obeying the Bible, but logically then that has to mean the school has chosen the path of pleasing self. Not a good position to admit to being in, guys!
All levity aside, I pity anyone who believes that religion--or worse, God--is so petty and strict and controlling like this. It's not. What we see here is called spiritual abuse, and the antidote to it is found in the grace of Jesus.
Power trip. That is RIDICULOUS. They might as well say, "We control everything you do. Speak against us and we'll fail you."
lol what is this fricken footloose?? i mean i'm not really laughing - that is just too ridiculous though.
@ZJiff30@xanga - I see your point. The parents and student should have never signed that "contract" in the first place. But I still disagree.
@Pass_the_Aura@xanga - Thank you. I'm not a hugely religious person, and I struggle with my own faith. But I do believe that, if there is a God, He wants us to make good choices and enjoy life.
The school is flat out wrong. It's not like he was invited to smoke pot somewhere. The parents need have the final say as to whether their son can go. If they say he's ok to go the school should not be able to punish him.
I went to a wedding years ago in a church that frowned on dancing. That was the most boring reception I had ever been to. I know for sure that neither groom or bride were virigins when they got married but heaven forbid they dance!
I think it's a ridiculous power trip. the Prom is the end of high school/coming of age party. Just because some people do questionable things doesnt mean you punish everyone. I went to Catholic schools & we had parties & proms. It was so funny to see one of the Sisters bobbing her head to a rap song the DJ played by accident!! XD
@ZJiff30@xanga - School rules don't necessarily apply off campus though, and it would depend on how they worded it. i.e. at my high school there was the standard no drinking, no firearms regulations...but the administrative staff couldn't hold us accountable if say, our parents let us have a beer. You have to draw the line somewhere; otherwise, we're letting the school board raise our children for us.
My question is how they even found out. If they investigate what students do outside of school time, in my opinion that's a gross invasion of privacy.
Kick off your Sunday shoes.
The school is wrong, but it's a private school so what can you do? They are free to set their own rules. As stupid as those rules may be...
I heard about this story last night - through my pastor's blog. I'm going to quote him because I think he has great wisdom in this area (having experienced this form of stupid legalism first hand).
"The high school student in question did in fact sign a document
saying that he would not dance, listen to rock music, hold hands, or
kiss a girl, so he does have an obligation to be a man of his word.
However, I think the school needs to rethink its admittance
requirements. How are we helping young men and women learn to exercise
moderation and use discernment when we forbid them to be involved in
activities that are amoral like a prom dance?
Do immoral things happen at or after prom? Yes. But teens should
be taught by their Christian parents, Christian schools, and churches
to behave themselves and act like Christ’s representatives in these
types of scenarios rather than avoid them altogether.
Avoidance produces fear and judgment rather than moderation and
discernment. I should know. The biggest weight I’ve had to shed
(other than my wet jeans and flannel shirt) has been a mindset of fear
and judgment produced by my legalistic upbringing. It’s been an
incredibly hard mindset to overcome, and it’s done a fair amount of
relational damage in my life."
You can read the whole thing here if you are interested:
http://www.mikepottersblog.com/
There are Christian legal organizations that can act on behalf of injustices like this - I think this would be a great case for them to intervene in. This kid's parents should look into it.
The kid went. He got suspended.
He signed a contract that had ridiculous rules in it, but he signed it nonetheless. When I signed an athletic code in high school it was implied that those rules (no drinking/drugs/bad behavior etc...) applied outside of the school day as well, why should that same rule not apply to the contract the kid signed?
I am 100% completely and totally in disagreement with what the school decided to do, but the kid broke the contract. Detention, maybe. Suspension is ridiculous though. This kid shouldn't miss out on one of the biggest days of his life because he wanted to be a kid for a night.
However, perhaps a teachable moment comes from this in that one should not sign a contract they do not intend to uphold.
@Calinda@xanga - What a wonderful response on the part of your pastor. In a follow up to the story; the young man did indeed attend the prom and was suspended.
The school having a contract in the first place is ridiculous. Who bans dancing anyways? I'm sure there were teachers and/or other authorities watching exactly HOW they danced; but then again, it was PROM night. Who would worry about such a thing? Prom is supposed to be fun.
What a ridiculous power trip of the school's. Where I go to school though, if you get caught drinking outside of school you can be suspended from clubs and organizations, but not from graduation!
On the one hand they did sign a contract. They wanted their son to go to school there and not the public school and agreed at the time. My guess is he couldn't have gone if they didn't sign and probably at the time of signing didn't think it would be an issue. I have a hard time with any school that dictates what you do outside of that school. At that point it should be left up to the parents as to what they think is appropriate. I would have gone too and then just not walked if it was that important. I think the school rule is stupid but they signed. I don't think that it should be a huge news story nor do I think that they should sue the school. The school made no pretenses about how it felt and they paid to send their child there with full knowledge of this.
@xiaosnowtenshi@xanga - I think the kid came up to the school and asked if it was okay for him to go. So I guess the school is punishing him for his forthrightness and encouraging kids to go underground.
they should have thought about this before they signed the contract. If the school were to let boy out of the contract, how would that set him up for the rest of his life?
"well I got out of one before lets see if I can do it again".
I think its good that the school stuck to the punishment. He knew the consequences, and he made the decision of his own free will.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Agreed. While I commend his honesty, is it wrong that I find it dumb of him to bring it to the authorities' attention knowing the consequences?
@neverdie373@xanga - I feel that even if a school rule assumably applies outside of school, there should be a line somewhere. What goes on at home should be the parents' responsibility, given that the action's consequences don't follow the student to school (i.e. hangover during class). I do think this is what school administrations intended, but when they accidentally find out about what happens at home and punish based on that knowledge, it's a bit of a power trip for them.
@xiaosnowtenshi@xanga - If you read the story, you would've seen that he had to have his principal sign a paper from his girlfriend's school in order to attend.
I find this absolutely atrocious!! My daughter attends a private Christian school and this is the first I have heard of dancing being banned beyond the movie Footloose. It makes me shake my head in disbelief.
First, even if the boy did sign a contract, he is a minor, and minors cannot legally sign contracts. I smell a lawsuit.
Second, it was an "extra-curricular" activity. How would the school even KNOW, FOR A FACT that he attended the dance with out documented proof (a picture or whatever) or the fact that the student made a huge ordeal of it all instead of just keeping his trap shut and attending the prom under the radar?
Third, if this isn't the parents' beliefs, then why did THEY ALSO sign the contract and why do they sent him to a private Christian school where they obviously do not agree with all of the beliefs of that school?
I AM NOT a religious person by any means, however my child attends a private Christian school because I want her to have the best education possible, I feel more comfortable with her in a private school rather than the public school that is located here. But I certainly will NEVER make her do anything that is against my beliefs even if there is consequences with the school.
@xiaosnowtenshi@xanga - The school that was holding the prom required that all persons attending from other schools get a paper signed by their own principal. Hence; he had to let his school know of his intentions.
I have read many comments about the legality of a minor siging a contract and I must admit that I had not thought of that detail when I orginally learned of the story. It is quite true that one cannot hold a minor to a contract; with a few exceptions that don't pertain to this story; but my thought is that his parents also signed the paper and therefore they can hold them to the rule.
Well if memory serves me right throughtout the Bible it dose talk about dancing ! So I'll like to know where dose it say no dancing in The Bible ? !
it sounds like a power trip to me. i'm sorry that he has to go through that. what a bummer : (
It's a rather ridiculous policy, but if the family didn't want to follow the rules they shouldn't have signed the school's contract. A contract is a contract and generally I don't think that you can follow it only when you feel like it. It's unfortunate but I'm assuming they had read the contract before signing it and therefore knew what the stipulations would be. They can't really complain when the school chooses to enforce the rules that they agreed to.