Tuesday, 05 May 2009

• My House of Testosterone

   by Mama Monkey 

  

  As I am sitting typing this, there is a Clone Trooper, a Battle Droid and a Jedi Warrior running around my house shooting each other. There is a big, black dog chasing after all of them - barking. And the warrior still growing in my womb is jumping around as if he is already excited about joining in the action. This is a normal evening in my house of testosterone - where I am outnumbered 6 to one. I have 3 boys, a husband, and a male dog and cat. When the new baby comes the odds will be tipped even further in their favor.

  As we wait for this next boy to arrive, I can't help but think about my life filled with boys. I can't say that, when picturing what my life would be like growing up, I ever thought that I would be in a house filled with boys. I think that most people that dream of having kids have thoughts of having at least one of each gender making for a nice, balanced family. But that is not the life I have been blessed with and I thought I would share with you some of the misadventures in my house of testosterone.

  As I said, right now my little men are shooting each other wildly. Not something I ever intended on having them do. In fact, there was actually a strict 'no toy guns' policy in our house. That is to say that we did not buy or allow others to buy our children toy guns. However, boys somehow find a way to turn everything and anything into a gun and I have decided it is a loosing battle. Currently, the guns they are using were made from legos. But we have also had playdough guns, cardboard tube guns, guitar guns, nebulizer parts guns ... Even at the dinner table, forks and spoons suddenly turn into guns. It baffles me. Since my oldest was born, guns were not a toy that I wanted in the house and he was never allowed to watch shows with any sort of violence in them. Yet, by the age of two, he was making guns out of his other toys and shooting animals out the window. With the younger ones, they quickly picked up on their brother's lead. It must, somehow, be hardwired into their brains.

  Another thing that seems to be second nature with my boys is everything Star Wars. Even my current two year old can tell you who Jengo Fett, Kit Fisto, Darth Maul and others are. He truly knows more about it than I do and gets very upset when he asks for a certain Lego figure and I give him the wrong one. (I mean really ... Darth Maul, Darth Vader ... how am I supposed to know the difference.) I have lost count of the number of Star Wars books, Lego sets, actions figures and such that we have in the house. They can name them all and I can name none of them.

  In my house, furniture serves no other purpose than jungle gym - no matter how much I discourage it. In a moment of temporary insanity, my husband and I actually bought a nice set of furniture (couch and chair) when we found it on clearance for, what we thought was, a good price. Well, no price is a good enough price when you have 3 little boys running around the house. We have had the set for less than a year and have already had to fix it twice from incidents of somebody 'flying' from the arm and landing on the couch or from the chair onto the couch. Do what I may, furniture quickly becomes little more than something else to climb on in my house. Although, the pillows apparently make great forts as I am often picking them up off the floor and replacing them on the couch.

  The bathroom in our house is an adventure in and of itself. There are days I swear these guys must have competitions to see who can get the least pee actually in the toilet. And how in the world does it manage to get all over the walls? (And I really think I saw some on the ceiling once.) And, while girls may go to the bathroom in groups, we do not all use the same toilet simultaneously!

  These are just a few of the misadventures in our house of testosterone. It can be very loud, wild and crazy most days. But, when it all comes down to it, I love my boys and don't even know what I would do if I were to have a girl now. I have grown accustomed to the way my boys are and have learned to love it. To love how they dub me a certain superhero because that superhero has boobs and so do I or how, instead of flowers and rainbows, I get pictures of Jedi Warriors and trucks for Mothers Day. To cherish the moments they are actually willing to sit still for 5 minutes and cuddle with me. I know the day is coming when I am going to become the grossest being on earth - as a tween son's mother. And I have to admit that I am at least a little bit fearful of the number or in home wrestling and boxing matches their teen years may involve. But, for now, I am still their mommy and they are still my little boys and I wouldn't trade that for a less dirt filled life any day.

  Do you have any boys in your household? What is life like?

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