8 years ago today...

Sunday, 03 May 2009

8 years ago today...
by Mama Seahorse
My oldest son made me a mother. There is something about that first time... not that the kid is more special or anything, but just that the memory is different. Its the first time you become ___'s mom and not just your own name. Its the first time you hold a tiny being in your arms and freak out inside because you don't know what the hell you got yourself into or how the hell you'll deal with this responsibility now. Its the first time you throw "plans" and "agendas" out the window when you look into those small eyes and just know everything will turn out okay.
Today was the day. I was exhausted. In a hospital bed. Holding him close. Watching him sleep. Hardly believing it was all over. Pregnancy and then labor and now - blam! A kid is here. Yikes.

(just a few days old, not even one week yet)
And now he's 8. And sometimes I have to remind him to hug me. And sometimes he's too tough to cry. But sometimes he cries anyway. And sometimes I treat him like he's still 5, and other times he amazes me with his maturity. And his talent. And his... otherness. The fact that he came from me, was woven together right inside of me, but he's this whole OTHER person with his own thoughts and ideas and personality. And then again, sometimes I am amazed at how much of a mini-me he is. Its frightening actually.

(showing off new hairdo)
And today I am still floored by the whole idea. The job of raising this kid into adulthood (or somewhere near it hopefully). The hoping he learns just a handful of important things that will carry him into his life beyond our reach. The exasperation of watching him have to make choices that I wish I could make for him. The fear of having to inform him of things I wish he didn't need to know about.
And I am floored by the joy of having a front-row seat to the development of a human being who will be caring and loving and who will add something, maybe a little something, or maybe a big something, but something nonetheless to this world. He already has.
Happy Birthday to Caleb!
(poster of him from Kohl's ad for Tony Hawk clothing)
Do you remember how you felt when you were pregnant with your first child?

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Comments (13)

It was only less than three short months ago, but I love her. And I'm so scared of her growing up and me wishing I could go back...because there's something I felt I missed somehow.
She rolled over for the first time today...she'll be 3 months on the 13th.
- 5/3/2009 3:32 PM
- PoetMcChick@xanga (message)
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What a lovely post! I can't wait to write one of my own someday, hopefully soon!
- 5/3/2009 4:14 PM
- draco1531@xanga (message)
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That is crossing the line. My son made me a mother. Sick!

I made my wife a mother. My kids made her change diapers and her "boobs" sore.
- 5/3/2009 4:34 PM
- husbandofawife@xanga (message)
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Adorable! Happy birthday to you both!
- 5/3/2009 6:41 PM
- scarsxarexreal@xanga (message)
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wow cutest kid in the world
- 5/3/2009 6:54 PM
- caminjammers@xanga (message)
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That is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen
- 5/3/2009 8:59 PM
- causewehavealovesostrong@xanga (message)
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he has beautiful eyes!
- 5/4/2009 11:23 AM
- crazysogul@xanga (message)
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Wow you two sure created a cute child!! I love his dark skin and light eyes. How lucky. haha

I'm not a mother yet, but when I do he or she will have dark hair, dark eyes.
- 5/4/2009 11:38 AM
- Sugarling@xanga (message)
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- 5/4/2009 1:52 PM
- anne@tripcrazed (message)
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Happy Birthday Caleb!
- 5/4/2009 3:20 PM
- IamKelleyK@xanga (message)
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Happy Birthday Caleb!

I know how exactly how you feel but my little one is four months and I find myself wishing he would stay this little forever but they do have to grow up.

Great post btw.
- 5/4/2009 8:57 PM
- pinkbabysecret@xanga (message)
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Your kid is adorable! Congratulations! I can't wait to be a mommy myself. :)
- 5/5/2009 8:20 AM
- lizzybeth1989@xanga (message)
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Happy Birthday to Caleb.
- 5/5/2009 11:17 AM
- lilbit@xanga (message)
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About the Author

From: mamaseahorse
Name: mamaseahorse
About Me: Hi, I'm Mama Seahorse! I have three boys - rowdy crazy lovely funny boys, ages 8, 5, and 2. They will go by the names (Big Brother, Middle Man, and Little Man, respectively). I have a hubby (who goes by J) of 11 years. We live and love in the suburbs of Chicago. I think that there is humor in the little things that happen when you least expect them... and I really do know that kids say the darndest things. We try to live healthy but every family hits McD's every now and then, I think. We run our lives around my work schedule (massage therapist), J's part-time work, and the kids activities, which include modeling and acting. I also am a firm believer in making time for my girlfriends. So I like to go out in what I call my Im-not-a-mom heels which is any pair of heels I could not possibly run after a toddler in, and the BBP (Best Butt Pants) which make my butt look amay-z-zing. We moms have to do that otherwise we might forget about our awesomeness, right?