Sunday, 19 April 2009

• Miley’s Story: The Beginning

   

  My baby girl is going to be 2 months old this week.  I can’t believe how amazing it is to watch a baby’s exponential growth.  Only two months ago she was a few minutes old; the only thing she could control were her eye movements and the first thing she stared at was me. 

  Fast forward to now - she’s learning that her hands are her hands and she’s flailing them about.  She can follow people’s voices and focus on objects across the room.  When she’s tired of playing on her mat or in her crib she calls for us, and when Ally or I peek over her crib and she sees us the expression on her face is to die for.  Her eyes widen and there’s a slight grin and then, all of a sudden, her face does sort of a Benjamin Button thing where her whole face smooshes up in a gum-bearing smile.

  But, I promised myself I wouldn’t be one of those gushy parents that don’t shut up about their kids’ poopies and whatnot.

  Miley’s story doesn’t begin at birth, however, or conception (high 5!).  Miley began with a chance meeting.  If I had never met my wonderful and beautiful fiancée, Ally, our little peanut wouldn’t be right next to me here, as she is currently trying to swat at shiny butterflies on her play mat.  It’s very interesting to think about all the little moments that lead up to the creation of life because everyone on Earth is essentially a story to tell.  If you’ve ever read the book Yes Man by Danny Wallace (the amazing book that you should read that the shit movie you shouldn’t see was based on) he reflects on key moments in his life and the decisions that led him there.  The first time Ally ever saw me was on Facebook.  Through a mutual friend’s profile, there was 1/800 chance of my little picture showing up on the left side of that idiot’s profile (I don’t even like her but I guess I owe her a lot!).  It’s kind of weird to think that there was a 0.0013% chance of me showing up there at that time and then even more coincidentally that Ally checked me out.  Actually – that probably wasn’t coincidental I’m pretty awesome.

  So my darling baby’s mama read my profile where I wrote a whole bunch of crap while I was bored at work.  What caught her attention was “I think people who smoke cigarettes are stupid. I don’t think you’re a bad person if you smoke, I’ll just never think of you as intelligent regardless of your IQ or education.”  She felt the same way so she added me.  She still says to this day that she was just bored, but she’s just embarrassed because she doesn’t like to admit she was trapped in the tornado of greatness that is me.  She’ll probably laugh and say “yeah trapped!” but years later and 16 hours of labor looks like she’s not laughing anymore (high 5 again).

  Ally added me and I was all, “why the hell would a random hot girl add me on Facebook?”  Something didn’t seem right because that usually means they try to get you to sign up for their webcam sight.  She didn’t have the tell-tale signs of that on her wall (not a whole bunch of ‘hey who are you’ posts) I tried to play it cool:  I said, “Hey, what’s up?”

  She ignored me.

  A couple of months later another chance occurrence… uh… occurred.  I was bored at work, and she was home working and was bored.  Seeing that she was online I sent her a “Who the Hell are you and why the fuck did you add me?” message (but I was nicer than that).  And the she answered… and then we talked for hours… and I promptly asked her out on a real date so I wouldn’t have to one day tell an embarrassing story of how we meet because of Facebook (Protip: If you meet someone you’re interested in get that shit offline to the Real World ASAP).

  So I just think it’s ethereal to look at Miley and wonder what would be if any little detail had been different.  What if Ally never logged in at that exact moment, what if her phone rang?  What if I had just clicked ignore?  What if my coffee break went on too long and I never saw her online which gave me that, “oh yeah – her” moment.  What if we met and she had spinach in her teeth and I was like, totally grossed out?

  But everything happened like it did – and now I have to change a poopy diaper.

  

  Marlon & Ally

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