Thursday, 16 April 2009
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Children and Religion
In my freshman year of college, I took a Logic class. It would fulfill a Math requirement for me, which sounded excellent, as I am not what you would call proficient in Math. There were only six or seven students in the class, so we had some interesting conversations when the grad student instructor became sidetracked.
Occasionally, the instructor would mention his wife and very young (2-ish years old) son, and he would use their antics as examples or food for thought when illustrating concepts. I haven't the faintest recollection of the academic context that required the sharing of the following anecdote, but it has stuck with me.
The instructor, Josh, shared that he and his wife were non-religious people, and that they had decided to let their young son find his own path religiously, if he should decide to do so. They had asked that their parents respect this desire and not teach their son anything regarding their religion(s) unless they were asked by the child at an age at which he could understand.The instructor told us about picking his son up at his parents' house after he had spent a few hours there, and that his son pointed to the sky and said that "Jezee" was in the sky. His mother admitted that she had told him about Jesus being in Heaven. Josh told us that he had to take that opportunity to re-establish boundaries with his parents regarding what they should be sharing with the little boy.
I've pondered this idea for a few years now. It has never occurred to me to not teach my children about my faith; to me, faith is such a central part of life that it would be an egregious oversight to not teach them.I know that there are people who are Christians like myself who, for whatever reason, abstain from religious education of their children in an effort to allow them to find their own way in the great maze of world philosophy and religious thought. I have to wonder why that is.
If there is a religious avenue that is appropriate for you and has become an integral part of your life, why not share that with your child? I can understand why a non-religious person would rather not teach a child about religion, but why a religious one?
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About the Author
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- From: Abibigail@xanga
- Name: Abigail
- Location: Columbus, Ohio, United States
- About Me: I'm a wife and a mommy, and I'm happy about it. I'm completely undeserving of the grace and love of God, but I am so, so grateful.
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Comments (39)
well, I would feel horrible if a child asked me about jesus and I had to deny him an answer. That would be me holding back my beliefs, I would not be able to establish such a relationship with my grandchildren. If they wanted him to make a desicion on thier own, yould it not be unjust to expose a child to any religion the same as any other child might be? Sure, it might be confusing, but it IS confusing growing up, and ultimately, people decide on thier own anyways. I dont see harm in the grandparents telling him thier beliefs, its when religion is forced on a child that it becomes a problem for the parents.
Maybe because their own experiences with religion as a child were negative and they want to wait until the child is older, even if the parents are religious themselves. For instance, the parents might have had a misunderstanding of the religion's teachings which caused them significant emotional distress as a child and want to spare their child from that.
Im not religious at all and I don't plan on teaching my child anything to do with religion.
I want them to find their own path.
If someone religious were to teach their child fine, but I find that a form of brain washing.
It doesn't really make sense to me. As parents, we explain all the other important things to our children: why we brush our teeth, how it's important to wash hands, that it's wrong to hit, why you need to do your homework, etc. etc. Why wouldn't someone who claims to be Christian or Jewish or Buddhist or whatever share that with their children?
It just reminds me of parents who treat their children as if they are already adults instead of children who need guidance. Friends of a friend considered themselves enlightened and didn't name their two children when they were born, under the logic that when the kids were old enough, they would name themselves. The results? One child is named Aristotle and one is name Pee-Wee.
I could understand parents who don't practice any kind of faith or religion not teaching their children about religion....but when parents do have faith, and beliefs, how can they not also teach that to their child? It's just so much easier to teach them what you believe rather than not, and share that spiritual bond with your children. Children have a better concept of faith than most adults. Why not run with that?
Most religious people probably will "share" their faith with their kids. I don't think I would (but then, I'm not really "religious").
There are people in my family who were so affected by the religion that their parents pushed on them as children that they turned against it. As far as I'm concerned, if your beliefs cause your children undue stress, anxiety, or fear, "sharing" those beliefs with them is a form of abuse.
While I don't feel that religion should be forced on anyone, including children... I would be unable to stop myself from sharing my faith. Mostly because, I don't just believe in God... I live for God. My life is spent in worship. So, there's really no hiding it.
@MommyGEM_RN@xanga - "Children have a better concept of faith than most adults."
I disagree. There may be exceptions to the rule, but for the kind of faith you're talking about (i.e., based in religion), children appear to have a good concept of it only because they're too young to start questioning things and because they've just accepted what their trusted parents have taught them. A two-year-old doesn't generally talk about Jesus unless his parents are Christians and have taught him about the concept. Same would go for any religion, I'm sure.
A child doesn't know any better and for a religious person to force feed him his beliefs is like not giving him a choice at all. Children are impressionable and if you don't want your child to grow up with a mind of his own then go right ahead. This is why I'm against all forms of organized religion. It's brain washing.
My husband and I dont have a specific religion. I completely understand people having a religion and I accept varying beliefs. Its just not for us. Ive told my daughter about different churches and Jesus and I always shine a positive light on it. But it will be up to her if she wants to go one day. I think having faith and spirituality is more important than teaching about a religion. We sort of just live by the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" rule... that seems to be the golden rule of all religions anyways. I myself would never MAKE my child go to church or try to make my child think that the way they view the world is wrong.It would always just be an open door.. but I feel though that If you have a church and religion and its a positive attribute to your life and the peoples lives around you.. you should feel comfortable to embrace your child into that part your life.
I can't speak for anyone else but my own self when I say.....
As for me and my house, we serve the Lord. As my child grows up in my house, she will be exposed to my beliefs and expected to go to church and participate actively there as long as she lives in my house. When she's older, if she chooses to change religions, or not have one at all, that is her decision. I can only teach and guide her as I see fit. It'll be totally up to her afterwards if she chooses to continue that path in life.
Now, if one of my friends who isn't religious (Yes, I have some. I'm open-minded and accepting of all!) asks me NOT to share my beliefs with their child, I will respect that. If the child is curious and starts asking me questions I will approach the parent/s first to see how they want me to handle that and if it's okay to share my beliefs or even perhaps take them to church with me. My best friend is agnostic, she has a daughter however who attends church with me and my daughter regularly. :)
@impossibleangles@xanga - You can not compare brushing your teeth which is proper hygiene to teaching that Jesus is the son of God. It's not comparable. Children are not adults..no. That is why we shouldn't try to brain wash them. Or perhaps you are afraid your child will grow up not following your faith? This is your child's life not your own. Parents who have this twisted and backwards mentality are selfish and cruel.
I teach my children about G-d. We as parents are instructed in the Torah that we are supposed to teach and train our children. There is a lot a child should learn before mat/bar mitzvah and it is the parents job to make sure the child learns
I would say that you bring up the word 'religion' and suddenly people's walls and defenses shoot up. I don't see how teaching a child your beliefs religiously is any more 'brainwashing' than it is to teach them your beliefs about eating (say you and your husband and vegitarians, so often times, your children will eat this way too because that is the food prepared in the house), education (i.e. the post the other day about importance of college and the numbers of people who said their kids would be expected to go to college) ... or anything else where there are vast differing opinions. I don't believe that any of these situations qualifies as brainwashing. It is just each parent raising their child as they believe is best fit. (Yes, there are extreme situations where there is brainwashing involved ... but that is a whole other topic.)
My husband and I are Christians. Like another commentor said, I can't not teach my children my beliefs because they don't come out only in my words, but in my everyday actions and the way I choose to live my life. My children are VERY inquisitive kids, and I am completely honest with them when they ask questions. I have talked to them about the fact that many people believe many different things religously and that what they learn from their dad and I is what we believe to be true. They have never shown any discomfort to any of the things they are taught about our religion. If they were to show some discomfort to something, I would talk to them about it and try to get to the root of the problem. Then come up with a solution.
RIght now, my oldest is 9 so all of our children are required to go to church with us. I do not believe in forcing older children, say teens, to go to church with their parents if they don't have an interest in the faith. This is because my parents forced us all to go to church until we left the house whether we wanted to or not. I never had a problem going and rather enjoyed it, but I have older brothers and sisters who did not feel the same and I think forcing them to go just pushed them further away. There does come a point where you have to let go and they will make their own decisions. But, as young kids, we guide them the best we can.
My husband and I are followers of Christ, and it's the most important thing in my life. I hope my daughter learns about Gods love by my example, not just by my words. But it would be a huge mistake for me to not tell someone I love so much about Jesus.
It really depends on who your SO is and their religious background (if any). One of friend's parents come from different religious backgrounds (the mom is Jewish and the dad is Catholic). The mom lets the children choose their own fate while the dad tries to push for them to be Catholic (but of course, it failed). I tend to be more like he professor and let the child discover for themselves what religion they would like to follow, or not at all.
I have never understood it myself, specially when Deuteronomy 6 says we are to teach them to love God with all their heart, soul and mind when they wake up, walk, sit and go to bed. Christian means one who follows Christ and these are His teachings. How can we follow Him if we refuse to do what He says?
Like your professor I will let my children embrace religion if they wish. If they ask who Jesus was I will just respond "he was a man"
My family is catholic, but I´m a pagan and an atheist, so if I wanted to have kids I would let them choose their own faith. It would be entirely up to them to figure out wheter god exists or not.
i plan on teaching my kids (when i have them) all of the major world religions - they can then choose their religion if they want one.i went to a christian school when i was younger and they taught be things that were untrue (ex. Catholics worship Mary instead of God) and i don't want my kids to have to go through with that. I am so glad world religions was a requirement for me this year - i learned alot and what i learned helped me become a more understanding person overall.
If someone actually puts their beliefs in something (any religion), it would be illogical for them to not want to live by it and share it with everyone they know. Sure, there are harmful ways to share any thing. But if you honestly believe that Jesus is the only way to God, why on earth would you NOT share that with your child? It would be illogical and hateful to keep that from your child...if you honestly believe it.
And if you honestly believe that there is no God, why would you care what your child believed? As long as your child isn't harming him/herself by believing in something, what does it matter?
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Mmmmm, that seems a little drastic to me.
I plan on never doing Santa or the Easter Bunny with my kids but I wouldn't be upset if someone else, especially my parents or in laws, did it with my kids. If my kids asked me about it later I'd tell them that it was just something grandma and grandpa did.
Ideas are not like permanent markers. It's not like once your kid is exposed they will believe it forever.
Why are people always so threatened?
kids will find their own paths regardless of what you try to teach them. i grew up christian but now am really...hmm. i don't know. i believe in God but can't commit myself to a structured religion. The point is, if they see some flaw with the religion you taught them they'll find their own way.
@Pcgecko85@xanga - isn't that a little too simplistic? Would you respond the same way if questioned about Ghandi or MLK or Alexander the Great? They were all men, but that doesn't answer the question.
Many Christians share their faith with their children for the same reason they share with their children that it is a bad idea to put their hand on the stove burner when it's on high.
It sounds cool and chiq to say "I let my children find their own way", but such an attitude demonstrates that the person holding this view doesn't hold faith as a very important thing to teach. At least faith is less important than severely burning your hand on a burner.
Even if your children had a nervous system defect where they couldn't feel pain you would still teach them not to touch a hot burner. So even if your child doesn't feel like respecting other people, you might teach them to respect others. This is morality. Where does this morality come from? Did humans create it? What is goodness? Aquinas turns these into 5 indicators of the existence of God. If He exists, wouldn't you want to know him? Wouldn't you want to teach your children about Him?
Again, only if you think it's more important than burning your hand on a burner.