Monday, 23 March 2009
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A Controversial Interview About Freebirth
This is an anonymous interview I did with someone after asking if anyone had anything 'controversial' they would let me interview them about.
1. For those who don't know, what is a freebirth?
Freebirth is an at home birth that is unsupervised by a doctor or midwife. They’re pretty controversial, and definitely, not for everyone.
2. Why did you choose a freebirth?
I saw a few doctors before I chose one. I felt like all of them spent more time scolding me for not seeing them sooner than actually focusing on the baby. The one I eventually chose was less judgmental, but she didn’t listen to me or my concerns. Going to her office made me anxious. She tried very, very hard to discourage me from having a natural birth, and I felt VERY strongly about that. My body was designed to give birth and I wanted my delivery to be natural and beautiful.
I also consulted a midwife (the only one in my area) but she could barely remember my name and also tried to pressure me into an epidural. My due date was approaching quickly and I didn’t feel good about either the doctor or the midwife. I felt that their scare tactics were unprofessional and rude. I eventually started looking up birth plans online and settled on freebirth.
I come from a long line of fertile women and I was confident that I could deliver the baby safely by myself. My very close friend, who is CPR and First Aid trained, agreed to be with me in case something went wrong. Nothing did.
3. How was your experience with the freebirth and what do you remember most about it?
I actually had a very good experience. If I ever have another child, I will definitely choose a home birth again. My labor was very short. I first started having pains at a little after 11am and the baby was born at 1:43pm. It was kind of scary. The pain was really intense. At the end though, when the baby was actually crowning, etc my body sort of took over. It was like I had all of this instinctual, untapped maternal knowledge or something.
4. What prompted your decision to give the baby up?
I am a pro-choicer, and I considered having an abortion, but it was actually too late (17 weeks) when I discovered my pregnancy. I know that sounds irresponsible, but I was still getting light periods and had not yet started to show. I toyed with the idea of adoption v. keeping the baby, but it was early so I had not made a firm decision before I went into labor.
I didn’t decide until I looked into the baby’s face to give him up. I realized that I had created, carried and delivered this tiny, perfect child virtually by myself and it was my responsibility to see that he could have everything the world had to offer. I wasn’t (and still am not) in a place in my life in which I could provide the kind of life that he had deserved.
I actually ended taking the baby to the hospital and entrusting him to the doctors. I realize that some people will term this abandonment, but it wasn’t abandonment and I refuse to justify this action. I had personal reasons for making this choice. One of the biggest is that I have friends who work for The Department of Social Service in my town and one of them is a social worker in the adoptions department. This individual is not as discrete as she could be, and I chose to protect my anonymity. So the day after I gave birth, I named the baby for myself, drove him to the hospital and left him per Safe Surrender laws.
5. How has the situation affected your life since it happened?
There have been a lot of changes in my body. I have different perception of parenthood, and responsibility and the preciousness of life. Aside from the waiting for the physical changes (weigh, waiting for my breasts to stop lactating, etc) there has been little change.
I feel some guilt. I have friends who were adopted and who have lived with questions about their birth parents their whole lives. I hope that the child that I gave up is not plagued with those questions. The guilt was the worst just after I gave the baby up because it was fresh and my hormones were all over the place. It has since eased. I will always think of this child, I carry him in my heart still. I pray for him and his adopted parents everyday. I don’t feel as much guilt as some people probably do or think that I should. I believe with every fiber of my being that I did the right thing.
6. What sorts of criticism do you face and how have you dealt with them?
I didn’t really publicize my pregnancy. I actually didn’t tell anyone except about five people close to me. I didn’t show very much, and the end of my pregnancy coincided with spring/ summer, so loose dresses made it look like I was just putting on some weight. The people that I did tell were very understanding and supportive.
I sort of heard about the baby after I gave him up from my friend the social worker (see? So indiscrete!). She was very critical of the girl who gave him up (me). He was adopted by a nice family who love him. I didn’t ask for details. I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
7. What advice would you give to someone who was going through a similar situation?
I would recommend that a woman (or couple) interested in free birth do A LOT of research. It is a beautiful, natural thing (after all Native American used to deliver their babies this way) but it is not right for everyone. It can be very dangerous, and things can go wrong very quickly. Talk to your doctor extensively. (He or she will probably try to discourage you) Prepare for any unexpected occurrence. Have hot water, scissors, ice, lots of clean towels, and something to tie off the umbilical cord close at hand.
For a woman who is considering the Safe Surrender program, again I recommend research. The safe surrender laws are different in every state. There is usually a hotline for every county. In most states, you can leave the baby at a fire station, police station, or hospital within 72 hours of the birth. More safe surrender information here.Would you consider having a freebirth? Do you know anyone who has?
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- From: lorelei@xanga
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Comments (38)
I don't see the problem with freebirth as long as there is a professional around to keep an eye on things. In fact, I find it kinda interesting!
But my preference would be to go to a hospital. I'd rather be cared for on all angles . I would be too scared to do it alone. lol. I need like 50 people to make sure Im okay and not dying.
I don't think freebirth is for me because I would be too afraid something would go wrong.
My doctor has always been *very* supportive of anything I've brought up. She's always willing to discuss different controversial things including Natural Family Planning, epidurals, inducing, etc. If you have a doctor like this, I see no reason for anyone to have to give birth at home. Also, I believe that there are some midwives who will assist you in a homebirth - which seems a better compromise.
Wow. I don't think I would, but I am in a very different situation than then interviewed.
My wife would have died if we hadn't been at the hospital with our first, so we won't be considering it. But perhaps if all of our births had been really easy, then maybe.
Actually, the birthing process is too gross. I don't want to have to clean that up.
I posted something here about freebirth awhile ago. I personally think it is too risky. I have no problems with natural homebirths though with a midwife. Those can be just as beautiful, and at least there is someone there to oversee everything who is specifically trained for it!
I think it is very wrong for Dr.'s and midwives to be unsupportive of natural birthing choices. They should be unbiased and supportive of any decision a women makes about bringing her baby into the world. I'm sure they are pushing epidurals to bring in more $$ for themselves...and that's just wrong.
Without my doctor at the hospital and how everything happened for my daughter's birth I think there is a good chance she would have never survived. I was induced, but after a c-section delivery, they discovered my daughter had only a two vessel instead of 3 vessel umbilical cord. Her heart rate dropped with each contraction. I would have never known that on my own.
Free birth is definately interesting, but not something I could ever do. My hubby would pass out and I'd be "all alone". Of course I had a great doctor who always took time to know what I wanted...and if I ever have another child I'll be going back to her again:)
A midwife assisted home birth, yes. A free birth with no child birth professional, no. It's just not for me. I'm not afraid to birth at home, in fact I'd rather do so, but I would want the comfort of having someone who know what should happen next close by. I fully believe women need to trust their bodies to do what they were made to do. Women have been birthing babies for centuries. Our bodies were made to do this! Birth is not a medical occurance that needs intervention, in most cases.
i'm really surprised that a midwife tried to pressure the author into an epidural. usually they're into natural births?
i am definately into the idea of a home (midwife supervised) birth. my first child was born in naturally, but in a hospital and after that experience i would absolutely go the natural route again. the thing about my state is all the nurses i saw were also certified midwives and for that reason i believe they were more open to the idea of natural labor/birth. all of them commended me for it and not one pressured me into getting epidurals/ivs at all. my hospital experience was great, actually because the doctor/nurses respected my decision and really just left me and my husband to labor on our own terms (though i was hooked up to a monitor) until it was time to push.
as to the freebirth thing, i don't think i could do it because while i agree that my body is built for pregnancy and birth and it is a very natural process to be celebrated and not just survived through, i would want a midwife there to make sure everything that needed to get taken care of would be. i think it's great that women can do this, however, and as long as they're responsible about it and don't put their child's life in danger i say more power to them.
:)
Most of these comments seem to be missing the point that freebirth was chosen after the only available midwife proved to be too busy to be of real assistance. I've been in the same position. I believe many freebirthers choose it not as a first option, but as a last resort.
Even though women in the past used to do natural birth at home and blah blah blah, back then a lot of women were happy just to survive childbirth and deliver a living baby. Now we do have medications and equipment to monitor childbirth for the safety and comfort of the women and babies, and I don't see anything wrong with using that technology. Quite frankly, I think it's STUPID to try to go through childbirth with no supervision. There are a lot of things that could go wrong and there is no way I would be willing to chance my child's life like that.
I would never do it. After having 3 children, I'm semi-interested in a homebirth, with a midwife, but that is illegal in my state anyways. I kind of like the comfort of knowing that if something were to go wrong, there are doctors there to take care of things. Plus, I have a history of pretem labor, and my first was born at 36 weeks. I did have natural births though, and wouldn't do it any other way. But I like having the doctor and nurses there. I also really like my doctor and that helps.
She should have tried a different midwife. I find it very strange that a midwife would push medication, I've never heard of that.
No one should make nasty comments about a woman/girl freely surrendering their baby. I think it was the most loving thing to do. You were honest with yourself about not being able to give the baby everything it needed and in that case you were showing your love by wanting the baby to have more than you could give.
Sorry that was kind of rambled, but I hope this young lady does not continue to feel guilty about giving up her baby.
If I have children I plan to have them at home with the help of a midwife. I assist a midwife friend of mine with births from time to time so I already have mine picked out. I would not attempt a freebirth because if things go wrong in childbirth they can go downhill fast. I would not want my husband to have to deal with a dead wife a dead child or both. If no midwife was available I would do the hospital birth and simply be the most demanding patient they had ever seen.
When I have kids, I'm definitely going to be at a hospital. The idea of a natural drug-free birth does intrigue me, but who knows how that will change when the contractions actually start coming?
At home births are not for me.
I think free-birth is way too risky. I would feel so terrible and guilty if something would happen to my baby that couldve been prevented with a midwife or at the hospital! While I might consider a homebirth (with a midwife!) if my husband would be ok with it (which he never, ever would be!!!).... the thought of something going wrong and needing to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency c-section would terrify me!!! I do believe that hospital-births are the only thing for me, that way, I'm there, and I'm very close to the OR if something goes wrong!!! I am all for natural births though, and they can very well be acheived in a hospital setting!
With my second child, I birthed at home with a layperson's assistance. According to my state, that = a freebirth. She only brought a scale to the birth. Her role was mostly to encourage and support, and she would have told us if something wasn't normal and we needed to head to the hospital, but that didn't happen. I'm of the opinion that, in MOST cases, a birth will go well when we leave it alone. I hate the assumption that it is always dangerous and that those who have safe births are "lucky," or the minority. Birth is not inherently dangerous.
As far as the adoption is concerned, no mother should ever feel guilt when doing what she feels is best for her baby. :)
I have a lot of friends who were born at home, or who have given birth at home. I'd like to consider it for when it's my time, but we will see what type of situation I'm in then. If there's any high risk, I'd want to just go to a hospital (ie - extremely premature) to be sure. I would want someone specially trained in the case of emergency though.
I can't see myself ever having a freebirth, but it seems like a good enough experience for anyone that feels up to it.
I wouldn't freebirth or have one at home. I think that if you want to have one at home with the help of a midwife go for it. Too many things can go wrong and the truth is if you are at home and something goes wrong it is too late. I knew someone who lost a baby during a home birth. She had thick meconium and the midwife did not recommend going to the hospital at that point. The baby was born, inhaled the meconium, and started going downhill really fast. They had to wait for an ambulance and by the time they got the baby to the hospital it was really too late. The baby died the next day. Had the baby been born in a hospital it most likely would have survived. It would have immediately been handed over to NICU to suction out and then closely watched to make sure there were no complications. It took me awhile to get pregnant with my second child. I had him in a hospital, had an IV, was hooked up to monitors and I didn't mind at all. What is a little discomfort on my end in exchange for knowing that I am doing everything possible to ensure my baby is brought safely into this world? The one thing I found interesting in this article is that the hospital, doctors, and nurses weren't good enough her to use for but were good enough for her to leave the baby with.
I don't think I could ever bring myself to have a free birth. Home birth with a midwife? Maybe (providing the midwife was one of my best friends, who is planning to attend midwifery school sometime soon! She is also currently a labor and delivery/Post partum nurse). We have a great hospital three blocks from my house; I can see it from my front lawn; so I know help would be close if needed.
I absolutely loved my epidural when I had my son. I didn't feel a THING when I was pushing him. I'm toying with the idea of hacking it out as long as I can without an epidural when I have my next child. I had one at 6 cm last time but probably could have held it out longer. I honestly don't handle extreme amts of pain very well, but now that I've actually had a child and found that it's not nearly as scary as I always thought it was, I am more open to doing things drug free (possibly hospital free- but never midwife free at home!)
it sounds like a lot of things came together luckily for this person. i would never try it myself... too many risks!
I would love to have a freebirth. My first pregnancy was so easy & I had no complications or health problems. I didn'tlike the feeling of being so restricted & drugged at the hospital. Hopefully I'll be able to have a freebirth next time around!
I'm too big of a worrier to have a freebirth. I would be too scared something would go wrong and without professional supervision, something would happen to my baby that could have been prevented. The birth wouldn't be beautiful because all I would remember would be being scared to death.
However, don't think for a second that I look down on those who do choose freebirth! I think it's really interesting and a very brave thing to do. Giving birth is a natural thing, not to mention the most amazing thing a woman can ever do in her life. However, freebirth just isn't for me.
Kudos to those who do.
@Luv2BMama@xanga - Maybe I've just been missing something, but I had no idea it was illegal in some states to have an at-home, mid-wife assisted birth. That's just absurd to me. Do you mind if I ask what state you live in?
I would be curious to know if any of you realize that any story you have heard of a baby being born in a car on the way to the hospital is free birthing! :) Seriously, I have sister who has free birthed 5 of her 8, merely because her labors only lasted an hour at the most and the nearest hospital is an hour and half away. She just stayed home. For the three, the labor was different and she was able to just (barely) make it to the hospital. So, women still free birth now, and it's not as "crazy" as it sounds.
I personally would not choose free birth, but bring on the home birth! I would love to have a home birth and be able to labour the way I want. :)