Friday, 20 March 2009
Moms and dads are amazing. I love and appreciate them all with the highest of respect.
Forgive me please, this is just how I see things.
For starters, I have a negative outlook on life. It is depressing, it is stressful, it's not fair. I didn't ask my parents to bring me into the world, they forced me here. Why would I want to bring another life into the world and expect him/her to live? I find it hard to find the purpose of life. From a Christian stand point, I understand that we're supposed to be fruitful and multiply and make more Christians. Other than that, I see no other point in having kids.
I hear many people say, it's to pass your genes along, or leave something behind. Again, with my negative thinking, why would I want to leave something behind on this planet? If I personally didn't make an impact while alive, then it shouldn't matter when I die. People also tell me they want to have children so they have someone to take care of and have someone love them back. Not enough of a reason for me. And not to sound harsh, but in some circumstances I find it somewhat selfish for some parents to have kids.
Another reason I have is the simple fact that I'm a little territorial. I hate the idea of having to take my child to the hospital if anything were to go wrong, or send my kid off to school and worry whether or not someone was making fun of him of her. That would break my heart, and I don't know how parents manage to handle it. My dad says when the time comes, I'll do fine. Still though, it doesn't seem like it's something to look forward to. The constant fear of, "is something going to happen to my baby?"
I think another problem I have is my selfishness. I'm 21 currently and I'll admit I am focused on bettering myself. The thought of giving up sleep and my personal goals is somewhat depressing. And the thought of having to take care of this child until he/she is 18 or older seems overwhelming. I want to get married one day and just focus on my husband and myself.
Now, don't think that I don't like kids. I've joked around and said that I hate children because of this or that, but in reality, I enjoy working with kids, specifically in the age group of 11 to 17. I volunteer with a youth group, and that truly is fun and rewarding. I would love to foster (not adopt) teenage kids one day. The thought of having my own kids is just odd. I would rather focus on the children that are already here and not make a carbon copy of myself. I would even love to experience pregnancy, but then after that, I'm still focused on the same negative thoughts. Why make a new life to suffer in this world?
Does anyone understand where I'm coming from? And for the mothers and fathers, any advise to possibly help me change my mind?