Tuesday, 10 March 2009
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Do Parents Need Training?
Yesterday in my Latin America/US Relations class we were talking about the Eli Gonzalez case from 1999. It turned into a discussion (that got really out of hand) about who should and shouldn't be parents and how do we (as a society) decide.
Anyway, my professor (who is just an amazing woman -- probably my favorite professor ever) mentioned that in some European countries, before you can take your child home from the hospital you have to complete parenting AND anger management classes. She said she thought that Sweden was one of those countries, but she wasn't sure and I haven't looked it up. Well, she asked the class what we thought about it.
The majority of our class (about 45-50 students) said they thought that it would be good to have that option at a hospital or birthing center. I have to agree that having the option of taking parenting and anger management classes would be beneficial.
My husband is military and I don't know if this is common at all bases or posts, but where we are, both of us are strongly encouraged to take parenting, breastfeeding, and anger management classes together (Funny, because HE obviously doesn't need the breastfeeding class, but he will need to know to support me). It is not required, but like I said, strongly encouraged which basically means "you need to go." They are done before birth however and if we don't complete them, it doesn't mean we can't bring home our child.
I wondered, with the situation with child abuse and neglect in this country, why this isn't something that's at least suggested more to parents? I have several friends who are about to be parents and have been offered nothing like this.
Do you think it's a good idea? Do you think it would help if potential parents were "required" or at least given the option of taking parenting classes?
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XxFireXboltxX@xanga - Name: Kymberlee
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Comments (29)
HAHA! I wrote an essay on this once. I definitely think it would be a good idea to force couples (or whoever wants a kid) into taking classes before having a child or taking one home. I think there are too many stupid people out there, and a lot of the time its the stupid people who take kids home.
I think classes like that should be offered for free and made known and available. But forced? I don't think so. People will only be the best parents they want to be. If we were going to go that far, I think the real thing to foce is for people to take parenting classes BEFORE they get pregnant. Not like that would even happen, but some people just shouldn't be parents lol
I loved the idea of getting training before having my daughter. We're a military family too (Air Force) and they offered some classes and had a advocacy nurse come visit your home if you wanted her to. I did, and she was wonderful!! I want to be the best mom I can be, so extra little classes (like baby care, nutrition, stuff like that) was very exciting to me.
I think offering the classes is great and many hospitals have parenting classes available. I draw the line at forcing them as a requirement to taking children home. Most people want to be good parents and attend these types of classes if they are aware that they are available. If someone is going to neglect or abuse their child a class is probably not going to stop them from doing it.
The parenting classes at my hospital were "required", but I don't think they wouldn't let you take your child home. I enjoyed the classes and thought that they were great. I didn't need the stuff on diapering etc, but my hubby was glad for them. However, I just don't see the point in forcing the classes. They aren't going to turn someone who is a bad parent, doesn't want to put in the effort, doesn't care etc into a good person. The good parents and the ones that care are going to find the information that they need regardless.
I think it's a great idea.
its a great idea and shocked its not offered or "strictly enforced" in the US or is it...there are classes like that in asian countries but i dont think its required. with so many cases of child abuse and whatnot, it should be required. its a big concern. some people just dont know how to be parents and need that help. its a positive thing not just for the parents but for the kids as well.
on second thought, i think there are parenting classes in the US but its not required but it should be. definitely before the parents can take their baby home plus a followup afterwards to see how everybodys doing. im all for it.
I think that it should be a graduation requirement for High School, To be taken in the Junior or Senior years. It might cut down on teen pregnancy too, just to have the kids realize what is actually involved with having a baby and raising it.
I really don't see a way to make all adults take a class unless they have some sort of record or previous incidents.
You don't put someone behind the wheel of a car without testing/training, why does the care of a child get less than that? i.e I think it's a wonderful idea.
Great idea, but hard to implement. With the classes that are offered from the hospitals, a lot of them have many sessions, and aren't always at the most convenient times. Maybe if there were more options.
@SnowFrog@xanga - I think that would be a good way to do it. Just like a lot of schools have the mandatory CPR training.
It would be good to have them offered.
But forcing the "training" isn't going to actually stop the abuse and problems that occur. If someone isn't going to parent right, these classes most likely won't make them start being right.
I think parenting classes are an awesome idea, seeing as how there are many people who become parents who don't seem to have the slightest clue how to raise a kid. The only thing is, we really couldn't have it be law, because it'd be nearly impossible to enforce. I think encouraging it/highly recommending it and making it accessible to people would be a better idea.
I work with children, and it seems that in many of the households, the kids run the house and the parents have a serious lack of control. I'm not sure if it is just this generation of parents, or the parents at my center, but in my house I was not the boss. I think good authoritative parenting goes a long way.
I think it would be great to offer them, but the people who are abusing and neglecting their children probably aren't going to opt to take these classes.
It think it is a great idea! You have to jump through hoops and go through the end of the world and back to adopt a child, but you have to be majorly screwed up to no be able to bring a child you gave birth to home. The US has some strange morals and this is something that should be "strongly encouraged."
I agree that some people are just going to be the parents they are going to be, and taking classes won't stop this unfortunate cycle. If they were offered to everyone, and for free (or low cost) it would be beneficial to so many people!
@mamafox - Not only do we have to have a permit (or license) to drive a car, but we need them to build a house, get electrical done, GO FISHING, camping, hiking (in certain areas), there's requirements before you adopt (at least inspection wise), you'd think there should be a license/permit for giving birth. I know, it's extremely unrealistic, but probably would be better for mankind.
Ok, but how would we "enforce" these "mandatory" classes? Say for instance, there's a woman who just keeps finding herself pregnant and after failing this parenting test thing, or having it be determined that she's not "fit" to be a parent she decides-screw it, I'm just not going to let them know about this baby-and she gives birth in secret-with or without complications-that's a dangerous game to play.
The other problem (and I'm going to guess that most of the "what a great idea folks don't have kids themselves.) is that real, true parenting cannot be taught in a class. My son is almost six and everyday is a "test" on how to parent. I know about nutrition and basic "care" from his doctor, but actually being a mom is something I learn how to do everyday.
Not only that, the idea of some "standardized" parenting scares the hell out of me.
I don't know what the solution is-personally, I'm for better birth control awareness and avalibility for teens and the poor, but that's just me. Also-it would be awesome if the "stigma" of adoption were to disappear. Things like "giving up the baby" or a woman who thinks she's a "failure" because she adopted and couldn't "have" a baby. It's a complicated issue.
I think that it would be a GREAT idea if people HAD to take parenting classed BEFORE they were allowed to have kids since alot are morons who can't control kids and should have never had them to begin with.
That being said, I do believe that everyone should take them once they get pregnant and/or are trying to get pregnant as it will greatly help with handling basic and common issues with the baby.
I always hear... "well we have to have a license to drive a car".. yeah and how many people STILL can't drive?
A class isn't going to do much. YOu can't really learn how to be a parent in a classroom (I have a child so I know). I think there should be free or low cost classes that parents can take IF THEY WANT TOO. It should not be forced.
Anyone can pass a dumb test, and they can still go on to abuse their child. This isn't going to really solve anything.
@odetocorny@xanga - try being adopted AND unable to conceive so adopting.. birth mom didn't want me and I have "failed" at getting pregnant so far (still hoping, no longer "trying").
I think adoption has gotten a horrible reputation.I was actually asked what I did to make my birth family send me away... hmm let me see I was one day old!!
YES parents should have to take some kind of classes.. Some kind of hands on practical course with one of those dolls that acts like a real baby. HA! Try to keep your cool with that thing screaming at you... I think hey should have to go through similar training us foster and adoptive parents do. What makes them exempt? the ability to get pregnant?
Do you have to pay for it?
A lot of parishes I know offer parenting classes. I think it is a good idea. I know parishes that require them for 1st time parents before they can do a baptism class. It is the Church that needs to take the lead on this.... offering life skills and training to get people into the Church, so they can hear the Gospel message, not just being proclaimed in Sacrament and Word, but lived in every day life through the people who do the real work of the parish... the laity. (not that the consecrated ministers-priests, brothers and sisters don't do a lot of work... cause they do. But the laity are the ones out in the vineyard doing the work, day in and day out)
Both of the hospitals I have given birth at offer classes for basic parenting stuff ... and even offer sibling classes for the kids you already have in the house to help get them used to the idea of having a baby around. However, most of them cost something. I know it cost thems something to run these classes, but that thought has always been in the back of my mind. "Yeah, that class might be nice, but I don't know if we should drop the money on it right now" (I am a bit too picky about how our money is spent sometimes.)
Our school district does a great things though. I believe it is once a month, they offer a different 'class'. The topics range greatly. This month it is about focusing on the process of making art and how it is good for kids and not focusing so much on the end product. They have also had anger management ones, ones about dealing with your 'spirited' (aka stong willed) child and communicating at your chlil's level. They are free AND offer free child care. All you have to do is register.
I think classes are a great idea but, while I agree that many people who shouldn't have kids do, I don't think forcing the classes would really change that all that much.
I feel that the discharging nurse or doctor at the hospital should have that talk with the parents before they leave the hospital. It will definitely be beneficial and get them to think about their actions and how to give the best care for the baby. Also, send them home with literature about this. Sometimes, it takes hearing it, seeing it and talking about it to have this really sink in that it is important for the parents and the baby. Parents need that re-enforcement. It doesn't come naturally for everyone.