Saturday, 07 March 2009
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For The Love of Grandparents: Missing My Papa
I had a dream last night with my Papa in it. Do you ever realize you're dreaming and try real hard to stay there so you can soak your dream in? He was at my Dad's house sitting in a recliner. My little sister was sitting in his lap and he told me to come climb on the other knee.
Needless to say I'm thinking of him today and thought since I've made many new friends since some of my first posts on Xanga that I would share a post I wrote about my Papa back in November.
Here it is: Despite the Cancer, He Danced With Me
It was April 2002. My papa (grandpa) told me in a Tractor and Supply parking lot. "I have bone cancer" he said. I really didn't know how to take it. He had been complaining of aches and pains for some time now and it was hard to believe this could be anything serious. After all, he was my papa and nothing was ever going to happen to him.
As time went on his words were evident. He was quickly beginning to lose a battle with bone cancer. He'd still laugh and joke and do all the things he'd always done...but when I was with him the fear of losing him was always on my mind.
As my wedding day was approaching, September 2002, I told my Papa I really wanted him to walk me down the aisle. I was scared he wouldn't be able to, but he told me he would do it, not to worry, it would all be ok. My dad wasn't coming to my wedding due to the fact we got in a fight over me not wanting his wife there, due to the destruction of his and my mom's marriage. My mom was not prepared to handle something like that. He told me if she couldn't come, he wouldn't come. It broke my heart and I wondered, how could papa walk me down the aisle alone. Papa still said he'd do it, not to worry. He did it. On September 21st, with a little help from another close relative, he wrapped his arm in mine and with a cane in the other hand walked me down the aisle, proud as a papa could be.
At the reception we were all smiles. Papa was so proud, I could see it in his eyes. I was so happy he was there for this big day in my life. My husband and I danced song after song. I didn't have my dad there to dance with me and I felt heartbroken over it. I still had fun, but the moment that stands out was when my Papa stood up, walked over to me, took my hands into his and asked to dance. My friends were crying and I was filled with joy.
Later that day my twin sister was proposed to on the dance floor. My papa looked at his wife and said with tears flowing down his cheek "I've seen everything I've wanted to see." He was happy and felt complete.
Eight months later my papa fought the last few weeks of his life. I remember feeling each day was going to be his last and felt God preparing me for the good bye. I remember the day he past away. I left work early after the news that he was doing bad. I was on the interstate towards his house. I thought about how people say God will never let you go through something you can't handle. I knew it was time though, I knew papa was ready to see his mom and brothers in heaven. I looked in the rear view mirror and said to myself outloud "it's time, you can do this, you have to let him go".
I ran into his house after repeating calls from my little sister telling me to hurry, there wasn't much time. Papa was laying in his bed with family around him. My little sister knew I wanted to hold his hand. She let go and said "grab his hand". I grabbed it and at that moment he let go of his last breath his body had in him. I felt like he waited on me. I feel to this day he waited on me.
Although I'm sad he's gone I enjoyed the dance. I can't wait to see him again and ask for another dance.
Missing my Papa
Do you have others in your life besides your mother whom you are greatly thankful for?
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About the Author
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- From: ILoveMyThreeSons@xanga
- Name: Jen
- About Me: I am a proud Mommy of two sweet little boys. They are my world. I just can't get enough of them. I have a twin sister, alliejolee, and a younger sister, jediwa72. They are wonderful and I'm so happy God blessed me with them. I have been married since Sept 2002. He's a great husband. I couldn't have found better. He's the BEST! I am very energetic and outgoing.
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Comments (16)
wow. that was very touching. i had tears in my eyes. my story is similar, but with my grandmother.
Thank you for your post, though made me cry. I lost my grandpa to ALS (who we called Opa) two and a half years ago and I miss him so much. I was closer to him then my dad and spent lots of time with him growing up and even during my adult life.
I had a last dance too, only it was in the kitchen right before he got too sick to walk. He loved old country music and as little girls he would dance with us and twirl us around the living room to his music. I cherish those memories and it kills me to think that my children won't have the privilege of growing to love Opa as much as my sisters and I did.
What a sweet story. It really touched me because I call my grandpa "papa" too. I took him and my grandmother for a check-up at the doctor yesterday and it just hit me how much older they are getting. Makes me sad to consider a future without them in my life.
i call my grandpa papa too! wonderful story, thank you for sharing!
crying... my grandpa passed away from skin cancer on 5th December 2008. I'm 14 so he won't be at my wedding but I danced with him at my Bat Mitzvah. <3
When he passed away, he waited until my grandma had left the room as he didn't want her to have to be there. She had gone home to wash and by the time she returned he was gone. Secondly he also waited till my Aunty was in the room. She didn't think she had the strength to be there and she had already said goodbye to him. But when my Grandma left, my uncle (not her husband, a different uncle) said to her, Quick, come in, we need to get Mum. (i.e. grandma) then he looked at grandpa again and said "I don't think there's time."
Aunty C grabbed his hand and gave it a sqqueeze. "Mum's not here" she said. And, with that sentence, she said she felt his pulse stop on his wrist, and she heard his last breath. She says that he has now given her the knowledge that she is a stronger person than she thought she was.
ILY grandpa. x
Btw, you're so lucky that your papa was at your wedding. Your hair looked beautiful! And his face is just so happy.
That story almost made me cry as well...so very touching and sad. I'm glad you got your last dance with him...
Very sweet... and very touching. Those are some proud moments to take with you to your next phase. Personally, I differ in terms of afterlife belief, but regardless of where he is or what he's up to: He'll always be proud of you.
I lost my grandfather to lung cancer when I was seven. He was one of the first few people in my life to really make me feel like I was a person; not some crazy patient meant to be left alone.
He'll always be missed.
As will your Papa.
I have a feeling you're going to make lots of people cry with such a touching story.
Is that really you guys in that picture? That's a really beautiful picture.
I'm wiping the tears from my eyes now. That is a beautiful picture. i was unlucky enough to have lost my grandpa when i was an infant, but fortunatly i know my other three grandparents well.
I am in tears.
I lost my granddaddy when I was 9. To me, he hung the moon (along with my papa - my other grandfather). He died of lung cancer. I will be 28 this year, and I still miss him so much it hurts. I have three kids that I wish he could have had the chance to know and vice versa. but I also have an angel baby in heaven that was prematurely stillborn and I know my granddaddy is in Heaven, playing with my son, Abram. I miss him on a daily basis though.
You are so blessed that he walked you down the isle and danced with you at your wedding.
That's an amazing and beautiful picture.
Besides my mother and father, I'm thankful for my older brother. He's 18 and a freshman in college that is twenty miles away from my home. We're very close and always took the blame for each other for everything. He helped me with my homework, and I played video games with him. I've always looked up to him ever since I was very young, mostly because he is very kind, smart, and just a fine human being. I don't know what I would ever do without him in my life. We don't really show how much we care about each other through words (we take after our dad), but though actions. He has always been my role model, but I'm very proud and grateful to call him my brother.
What a wonderful grandpa you had! You were truly blessed.
I lost my grandma, who was my heart, this last Sept. 3rd. I never thought she would be alive for the birth of my children much less get to know them but she played a major role in my 2 daughters lives, I guess God thought my son, whom I was pregnant with at the time, didnt need her like my girls did....or like I did. She was the most amazing person I have ever met and just when you thought you knew how she would react to something she would surprise you. WHile I lived with my mom, my grandma raised me and taught me most everything I know, I miss her terribly and wish so much that she could have met my son. SHe was very excited when she found out I was finally having a boy. I completely understand your heartach and your missing him.
I lost my Nana a little over 9 years ago now. She was my best friend, my confidant and my world. I knew she had been sick off and on for years, but never to the extreme that she was right before she passed. The December before my Nana, Papa and myself made the drive from NV back east to Tennesee and Arkansas to see family. When we got back was when it got worse. I spent her last night at home with her. I'll never forget the last words we exchanged before I had to go to school. While I was in school my Mom took her to the Drs for a check in. They decided to Careflight her into Reno. My step dad told me that much when he picked me up and I asked where mom was. I spent the whole night and most of the next morning pacing and praying. About lunchtime my mom called n told my dad that they had just lost her. He piled me and my two siblings into the car and broke the news to me as gently as he could. I broke down crying and called him a liar at least a dozen times. He let me cry for about 10 mins before he asked me to stop before he started. I sniffled for the next four hours until I got to my mom then we jus burst into tears again. Around the tears my mom told me that Nanas last words were directed at me (everyone that was in the room at the time has told me that at one point or another since then). That night everyone in the house (including my dads parents) swear up and down that they dreamed she had come to them.
While I know that she's in a better place, to this day thinking about that day... Friday, March 24th 2000... makes me break down crying. She was invincible in my eyes. I thought she'd be around always to see me through my sweet 16 to my wedding and the birth of my child. While she's not here with me physically (nor was she for my 16th) I know she's with me in spirit and will always be, esp. for the big events that are right around the corner for me... My wedding to the most wonderful man I've ever met *outside of my stepdaddy* and the birth of my first child, as well as the future ones.
R.I.P. to all of the wonderful people in the world that meant so much to so many people.
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This is beautiful. I too had a very special relationship with my Papa Joe. I wish he could be there for my wedding, but I know he's going to be watching over me. You are a very special woman :)