Friday, 06 March 2009
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What Would You Do Differently the Second Time Around?
My husband and I have decided to start trying for baby #2.
Our daughter just turned 6 months a week ago, but we want our kids to be close in age. I can't imagine waiting until she's 4 or 5 and then starting all over with another baby. I'd like to go back to work someday!!
Plus, I am hoping (which may be naive of me) that if the kids are close in age, they'll play well together. My brother and I are less than a year apart (I was unplanned), and we always played well together.
And we are ready to make our family bigger! More to love, right?
That has gott me thinking. When baby #2 comes, what will I do differently? I think that I will be more calm and not as freaked out if the baby cries for more than 3 minutes. I think I'll rest more when I come home from the hospital and not try to be supermom. With my daughter, my milk didn't come in until day 3 and she lost too much weight because I was stubborn in trying to exclusively breastfeed, so I think this time around I will pump and supplement with formula if need be.
It may not be easier this time around, but I think I'll be more prepared.
For those of you with more than one child, what did you do differently the second time around?
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- From: IamKelleyK@xanga
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Comments (18)
I won't do much differently...maybe just invest in a good sling and wear my baby more. I noticed every time my daughter was in her sling she was the happiest baby around and slept alot in it too! I just didn't wear her as much because I didn't have a great sling. I definitely want to wear my baby more. As far as everything else goes, I honestly will probably do everything else the same!
Letting Megan have those two jars of formula really helped her get away from being so hungry that she was screaming too hard to even be bothered to nurse and made our nursing much more sucessful, so definitely keep an open mind on supplementing!
And I agree with MommyGEM...I love our wrap so much! I just wish I would have bought it earlier! It have two friends expecting and I'm hoping to be able to get them each one for their showers.
Oh yeah, I'd do everything wayyyy differently:
1. Take a lot LONGER going to the hospital. I was in labor for 22 hours!
2. Sleep train right away, no rocking, no paci, no mama's boobies to sleep.
3. Put baby in crib. Our little monster is a co-sleeper and a bed hog!
4. Bring baby to day care at 6 months if we can't financially afford it. My son was just put in day care and he majorly CRIES.
5. Eat right when I'm pregnant. I was eating EVERYTHING and paid for it - 70 pounds I gained and now I have 15 more to loose!
Hahahaha, don't know if you were the same boat as I am but I learned a lot! We'll be going for #2 sometime the end of this year.
When my son was born we loved to hold him. And whenever he fell asleep in our arms we would melt, so many times we would allow him to instead of getting put in his bed sleepy. It took a long time for him to finally fall sleep on his own in his bed (he was about 13 months when it finally happened and we used the crying it out method).
Also, I would save the really nice outfits for church and other outings. In return he did not get to wear them all the often. so next time around I will enjoy seeing my son/daughter in really nice/cute clothes so they will get more wear out of them.
I'd like to think I'd rub cream on my belly and avoid getting as many stretch marks, but I know myself too well, lol! And definitely watch what I eat better. I was pretty careful with my first pregnancy, but ended up gaining WAY too much, so I guess I wasn't careful enough! I'd try and stay down in the more average 30-40 lbs. range, even if I had to be incredibly strict with myself.
And, laborwise, I'd wait for the next pushing contraction, just to feel my body's power! With Gabe, I pushed with my first pushing contraction and then just kept pushing without waiting for the next contraction. The midwife told me I could wait, but after 26 hours, I wanted to be DONE and it felt so good to be DOING something! Not that I would change a thing about Gabe's birth; the pushing without contractions didn't seem to hurt anything as I didn't tear and he was born only 8 minutes after I got the first urge to push. And I think I healed a lot faster because there wasn't as much trauma 'down there' (afterwards, the midwife said I barely looked like I'd even pushed a baby out of there!). But, next time, I'd just like to feel the power of my body working, on its own.
Sorry for the novel!
@WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga - Sleep training is the way too go- my son has been sleeping through the night since 4 weeks old, with no aids, whatsoever, thanks to our reading and applying (with a grain of salt) the book Babywise!
I had a totally different labor and delivery the second time around (1st - hospital, epidural, etc., 2nd - midwife, home waterbirth).
I also didn't pick up my daughter every time she cried at night...my son, first child, had his days and nights majorly mixed up in the beginning and wanted us to hold him all night long. That was not happening the second time around!
I am not going to let my family walk all over me this time. After my c-section with baby number one, I was too stressed and busy playing hostess too take the time to recover. I had asked our out of town family to give us a few weeks before overwhelming us with their visits but they all came for her birth anyway.
This time around, we are really going to be firm about it and if family can't respect our wishes, don't come at all. The funny thing is they all said that they were coming to "take care of" me and to put meals in my freezer, but I did all the cooking and cleaning....and there were no meals put in my freezer.
Two things:
I won't let my family treat me like I am going to break because I am pregnant, although I did appreciate them helping me out. I didn't like the fact that because my mom thought I should stay home, they took my car so I had to depend on someone else for everything. I hated it. I'd like to be able to decide when I need to rest (of course if my doctor tells me to stay in bed, I will) and I would love to be able to go to the grocery store without having to call someone.
The next time, I am going to enjoy every single second of nuturing a new life inside of me. I didn't get to enjoy it with my son because I was too wrapped up in my eating disorder. I was too worried about how "fat" I was. Instead of focusing on how healthy and strong I was feeling physically and emotionally, I was worried about my weight.
Oh my. First of all, I want to try as hard as possible to go "all natural" with my labor!! For my daughter, I wasn't planning on getting an epidural but I wasn't dead set against it either, so, I ended up getting one :) Anyway, I'm going to be very determined not to use any pain meds....
I also am going to try not to hold my newborn as much! I know, its going to be hard, but we held my daughter constantly in the hospital and the first day at home and she got used to it and then didn't want to take naps unless she was held (for some reason she slept by herself at night though, thank goodness).
I'm excited about having another one someday, we kinda have an idea of when we want to start trying,but, since a friend of mine will probably read this....you know who you are... I won't reveal when exactly we're thinking of trying
What I did differently with my second and third? I avoided the hospital. My last two children were homebirthed, so they weren't kidnapped off to the NICU for a bogus reason so the hospital could make $15K off us.
Made homemade baby food with all, breastfed them all (one's still bf'ing actually), cloth diapered them all (I haven't thrown over $7,000 worth of disposables into the landfill - I still have two in diapers!), use slings/mei tais to make things easier on me, started out with Britax convertible seats to avoid the trap of buying a medicore one and getting the good one later anyway, blah blah blah. Didn't regret those decisions we made even back with #1. :)
@MommyGEM_RN@xanga - Yes, I would definitely sling this one more too. I didn't start slinging my baby until she was about 2 months old and she kinda liked it, kinda didn't. I'll do it from the start with the next one so he/she will be at home in it from the start!!
@filtered_sunlight - The nurses at the hospital I gave birth in made me feel so guilty about even thinking about supplementing with formula. I felt horrible that my daughter was hungry, but they kept saying "keep trying it, if you give her a bottle she'll never breastfeed." My daughter lost too much weight and I was horrified with myself for being an obviously inadequate mother. Next time I'll tell them to shove it and give her the bottle, without the guilt!!
@WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga - We did the sleep training with our daughter at 4 weeks, and she did great! She has slept on her own ever since then. That's one thing that I don't regret and something I would stress to new mothers (if they asked!!). It makes it so much easier in the long run. Good luck with losing the rest of the weight!
@azkzD@xanga - I had a similar experience with family. I loved having my mom there, but I still felt like I had to cook and clean. I never realized how much recovery is needed, and my husband was new to the military so he couldn't take off to help me. The next time around, I'm staying in bed for at least a week!! And the frozen meals are a great idea. It's funny how people say they're going to come "help" you, but all they want to help with is holding the baby...the rest of it is up to you. That's not very good help!!
@JadaFish@xanga - If you want to go all natural next time around, I suggest hiring a doula. If you can't afford a doula, make sure that a woman that you trust, who has been through it all already is there to support you and advocate for you. I can't tell you how important that is. I don't know how I could've done it naturally without the support of a doula who was very experienced and has done it all before. Every laboring woman needs that kind of support!
For Baby #2, I made sure that the hospital, my doctors and my doula aware that my delivery was not a medical condition even though I chose to have a delivery in a hospital. I got up and took my son out of the nursery after his testing was complete (there was nothing wrong with him, so I felt that he needed to be with me in the room. ) We co slept again to make the nursing schedule less invasive (we bought a bigger bed this time.)
Baby #3 was a waterbirth in a different hospital with a midwife and a doula this time. The midwife sent me home the first night of labor, because I was tired and thought I should sleep at home, since I wasn't making progress. After a good night's sleep, I went back to the hospital and started all over again, so there was not danger of being pushed towards a c-section by the hospital. There as no tearing with this birth, the water was very supportive to the perineal tissues.
Issues with crib sleeping were more upsetting for day care than for us with our 2nd child. It really depends upon the personality of the child, I think. Baby #2 went to daycare later than the other two ( i hate waiting lists) and was crib trained there. His caregivers found that music (Perry Como and only Perry Como) made him adapt to the new environment better. That child would have benefited from no day care at all. He would have been content to be at work with us, but it wasn't an option at the time.
Baby #1 and #3 adjusted to cribs without issue. They were happy outgoing friendly adaptable kids. Making judgments about the treatment of the boys was something we learned to be more laid back about. Each child is so different.
Playing well together is relative. My boys are 6, 8 and 11 and play well with other children, the sibling dynamic is something that you cannot try to control. I try to teach politeness and respect for each other and they figure the rest out for themselves. For car trips though, I suggest a minivan, with one row of seating per child, ha, ha, ha.
Good luck and happy parenting!
I have a six monther, too. If I ever have another baby, I will definitely:
1) Bring the pumping equipment so I can get a headstart on the milk supply before going back home.
2) Ask for/accept help, instead of being afraid to inconvenience everybody.
3) Refuse Stadol.
My husband and I want to try for more and I REALLY hope things would be different. My son was 2 months early weighing 3lbs!
I would focus on being more fit during pregnancy.
And I wouldn't ignore the "back pain" - it turned out to be back labor and I went to the hospital 5 1/2 centimeters!
And I would be sure to have my hubbys # ready. He's in the army - it was really hard to get a hold of him!
The pregnancy has gone by a lot faster than I thought it would, but we're expecting our 2nd one in May. We're not "preparing" as much this time...not sure what we're doing differently when the time comes though. Good luck with everything.
The only thing I would do different is hug my baby more often. Moreno is turning 11 months soon and he hates to cuddle. So uhm... I often wish he was still that tiny lil bunch of baby that you could hug all day! lol
That's it.