Wednesday, 04 March 2009
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My Child's "Tough" Life
by Mama Pig 
I really am not a raging old crow, but this has been bothering me for a few weeks and I thought I would run it by you guys. All my kids seem to be growing up with this sense of the whole world owes them something simply because they have blessed us with their presence. I am here to tell you that the world owes me something for putting up with them. Just kidding, but below is my story.
For the past few weekends, we have had an ongoing problem with the children falling asleep with their televisions still on. I hate paying high electric bills and in an effort to curb the problem I informed them all that the next time that happened, the televisions would have to be turned off at 7 pm on the weekend. This way, there was no chance of accidentally falling asleep with it on.
That worked for two weekends. Saturday I woke up around midnight. I could hear a television on somewhere so I went to figure out who the offender was. I turned off the offending television and went back to bed. The following morning I addressed the issue with the child in question and let them know that for that night the TV would be off at 7. This was not meant as a punishment per se, it was more a gentle reminder that electricity costs money and we should all do our part to keep the cost down.
This is where it got fun. For the next hour I had to listen to just how hard this child's life was. The poor thing was being forced to turn off the rather large flat screen television two hours earlier than normal. What ever was the child supposed to do for those dreaded two hours? Apparently, the nintendo DS, the PSP, the PS2, and the iPod Touch were just not worthy and the poor child was just so abused and mistreated. I mean, seriously...a hard life?
Now, this is not the only child in the house with this sense of the world owes them something. I will admit that most of them seem to feel this way and I am at my wits end to rectify this situation.
I have decided that a dose of reality is in order for all the kids. I am researching volunteering at a local homeless shelter during their spring break. San Diego has a huge homeless problem with many of those on the streets being children in the same age range as mine. Perhaps seeing peers that not only do not have a TV in their room, but have no room, might be the wake up call necessary for them to appreciate that their lives are a walk in the park.
Do your children act as if the world owes them something? How do you rectify the problem?
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About the Author
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- From: mamapig
- Name: mamapig
- About Me: Hello everyone. I am Mama Pig. I am a very busy mom of eight children. Five by birth and three my marriage. While it is a busy life, it is one I wouldn't change for the world. Our oldest is 18 and will be graduating in May. We are even in the boys/girls department with four each. Two just turned 14, two just turned 12, one will be 10 this year, and the babies are 4 and 2. There are no twins in the mix, just step siblings that happen to be close in age. You will read alot about Down syndrome when you read my blog. Our youngest daughter was born with Down syndrome as well as a congenital heart defect. These are two issues I am extremely passionate about. I just resumed classes at the local community college. My goal is to someday reach law school with the hopes of focusing on family law.
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Comments (258)
okay, if they have all that AND an iTouch, then i wouldn't be whinning about how hard my life is
Take those kiddies TVs out of their room! Then they won't feel so entitled to a television. Bad idea.
And yup.. San Diego has some horrible poverty. Get them out there and let them see what it's really like to have nothing.
Then even if you let them keep the TV in their room they might appreciate the rules more, even though.. once again.. TV in child bedroom bad idea.
Is it possible that the sense of entitlement comes from the fact that they have so much? And why does each child spend the evening alone in their individual rooms watching tv?
I am eighteen years old and I do not even have a television in my room. Just a computer.
Depending on their age, have them participate in a big sis-little sis or big bro little bro program for disadvantaged children. That woudl really put their lives into perspective.
I was allowed to have a tv in my room in 8th grade but I couldn't have cable until I could prove that I could keep everything else up (mostly grades) and then if my grades dropped, tv was gone. It was a huge motivator.
Do they have chores? You could start making them do chores for tv time or, maybe you could SHOW them the electric bill. Is there a way to find out just how much electricity they are using by leaving the tv on. I'm sure you could find out. Then, make them do chores to make up the difference in the electric bill because of their poor choices?
I like the big brother, big sister idea. Any volunteering would help though, I think. Just give them a little dose of reality.
Although younger than normal, your kids seem to fit the classic description of a millenial, with a sense of entitlement. Unfortunately it's not uncommon. I think giving them a healthy dose of perspective is a great idea, as would be filling that two hours with family interactive entertainment. Something where they're getting attention, without a screen involved. Good luck!
my sister is spoiled, except instead of tv time she wants clothes. her drawers are literally overflowing, it's hard to close them and she also fills up a huge closet and throws clothes all over the spare bed and the chairs and the floor and it spreads into the study room too... i wish my mom had been more like you when this problem became apparent. the volunteering thing is a really great idea... maybe you should take their tvs out of their bedrooms. then they wouldn't feel entitled to them. i think tv should be something that is shared anyway.
Why does each child have so much stuff anyway? Maybe the cause of their attitudes is the fact that they're spoiled. Maybe they just expect to get what they want because they've been given it so many times.
Caw! Caw! Caw! ... What? *puts on my innocent face* I was entertaining the baby...really...
Megan's still at the stage where my world does revolve around her. I'm hoping that pointing out, "Hey, look at how much worse life could be...and you're taking all this for granted??" when the occasion arises will keep her head in the right place, buuuut...let me know when you're about to make the trek with Caleb...Meggers will likely be ready to go with around the same time. I do think it's a good idea...not just to show them that life does exist without the TV on, but also teaching them empathy towards others.
eek.
Hopefully theyll read walden and realize how little they need anything more than a set of clothing and a couple of seeds.
I'm 17 and my sisters act just like that as well as my classmates. It's almost embarrassing to think people look at me and my generation and think of an unfaltering dependence on technology and the pretentious mindset of being better because of it.
I actually hate television and my computer and phone (outside research and communicating with my life and soul, Lindsay, my best friend and blood sister).
I dont think it's your kids.
I think it's the whole generation.
Take the tv out of the kids rooms. Problem solved. My niece is 14 and acts like everyone owes her something. It's from being catered to her whole life and being SPOILED. Kids are a product of their parents... they're not born spoiled, they are shown how to become spoiled. As for the volunteering, won't they view that as punishment if you make them do it?? Kids will learn from their parents. If volunteering and philantropy is not your thing, don't expect it to be your children's thing either.
Well well I don't have kids, I do have a niece and nephews. Let me tell you, I totally understand how they can get this feeling of entitlement. I'm usually pretty lenient in where "as long as you aren't getting into trouble you can do what you want." Which of course they spend most of it watching TV. However sometimes they can be the brattiest little kids so I tell them "no more computer or television." and they completely freak out. Apparently I'm not allowed to ban television because they have a right to it. And then they have the worst tantrums and I gotta hear them cry about how not having the television is literally killing them.
No kidding, one time the girl was crying and I said "You should only be crying if you're hurt." and she said "I am!" and I said "Where?" and she responded "My heart!"
I almost would have laughed if I wasnt so pissed at her tantrum.
I do not have any children, but I am a high school teacher, so I totally understand the whole "entitlement" thing. I would ask you on behalf of your children's teachers, teach them something about respect and make them deal with the consequences -without excuses. I have so many students that never listen to directions, then they think I should stop everything I'm doing because they need my undivided attention to explain the directions to them - the exact same directions I just explained to everyone, and the exact same directions that are on their paper and if they would just take the time to read them, they would understand them. But no, they think they deserve to not pay attention, and yet still have the teacher repeat everything he/she just said, and some of them just refuse to think, so no matter how many times you explain the directions, in how many different ways, they still "don't get it" (and I'm not talking about the students that can't get it, I'm talking about the ones that are smart enough, they just refuse to think about it). (I know this sounds preposterous, but it is true)
My son is only 7 but seems to think he should get everything he wants. But that's because he has been through a lot and my parents overcompensate to make up for it. There needs to be a middle ground. And now that I'm back in his life, I intend on finding it.
I threaten to sell everything on ebay! one day i might just follow through with that threat! I do take away privleges too though and sometimes to them it seems harsh, but really that is what they understand when i want them to take me serious.
Reasoning doesn't work anymore or explaining my reasons either. Actions speak louder than words so save your breath and start being a tyrant!! haha no really though that is what works.
That attitude wasn't created in a vacuum.
Maybe putting TVs in the bedrooms wasn't such a good idea.
You know, this is a raging problem in America today. I work with children (I was a summer camp counselor for six years and a nanny for two) and they all have these huge entitlement issues. I am not trying to accuse you of anything because I know you love your children and try to do what is best for them, and I don't see how your family interacts on a daily basis, but from the things i have witnessed, I have found that a lot of it can stem from a parents' attitude. The parent works very hard to make sure their kids have a good life and without realizing it these parents unconsciously define this good life as showering their child with adequate (and excess) possessions. Thus a child crawls out of the womb and is literally showered with fisher price gear, grows up and is handed an ipod and a television in his or her bedroom and a cell phone, etc. So the kid never has a reason to NOT think he or she is the center of the universe! Mom and dad are always there doing anything and everything to make them happy. I witness kids everyday stamp their feet and say "MOM! I WANT A COOKIE!" And the mom, to shut the kid up, either gives the kid a cookie, or says "ok darling, we'll get you a cookie." What? No! The kid is acting like a brat! You don't owe him a cookie right now!
I dunno, I would just say to be very careful to make sure you have the right attitude about stuff toward your kids. Of course you need to be loving and tell them you love them every day and meet their actual needs. But when the kid starts whining, do you reason with him or her? "I want a cookie!" "Darling, it's past dinner time." "Yeah, but I wanna cookie!" "How about if I give you a cookie tomorrow?" "But I wanna cookie now!" "How about if I let you have this piece of candy...and then you can have the cookie tomorrow..."
That's a poor example, but I see parents everyday who reason with their kids this way, putting the kid in control when they should just draw the line and learn to say no. If you worry your kids are doing nothing but watching tv in their rooms, then get rid of the tvs. Tell them to go outside and play instead. They'll get over it. Also, what is your gift-giving attitude like? I see many many parents who offer presents for Christmas and such as "a reward" to the kid for good behavior. Thus the kid feels entitled, believing he has "earned that tv." If mom takes it away it's like, "what? That's MY tv! I earned it! I deserve it! I was good all year!" etc. I feel like a healthier attitude should be "I know you're not perfect, but I still love you, and I want to give you this gift." And if they can't handle behaving responsibly with that gift, you take it away until they can treat it with care. And I like the idea of the homeless shelter. Something to get them to look outside of themselves and think about other people
Thank you all for the great suggestions. I get the whole television in their room thing is a bad idea, but I don't actually have control over that. (Long story, you would have to know the dynamics of our family to understand).
I actually like the selling it on ebay idea. Perhaps that will be my next threat.
@filtered_sunlight - Give Meggers a kiss and slap yourself really hard for me. LOL
@mamapig - It's okay...I gave myself Karma-in-advance yesterday while putting the grill together... Note to self: do not smack self in face while taking grill parts out of plastic coverings. Note to neck: do not jerk away from said part flying at face...it's only going to turn worse and in two places rather than one. Yes, yes...I's is teh smarts!
I would've limited their total tv time per day, and if they went over it, the tv would simply come out of their rooms for a week more each time the offense was committed...so one week the first time, two weeks the second, three weeks the third.
Trust me, it'd only take one or two times of "forgetting" to turn the tv off that they'd start remembering. And for it to work, they don't get to use other tvs during the time they would have been able to watch it had they had their own tv.
Good luck.
@TheSpaceBass@xanga -By your age, I was gone and happy. I got my first T.V. when I was in the army. I have two of them for no reason.
Showing them disadvantaged children will only make them realize their social advantage, and it disgraces the family being seen, trust me, I helped a girl pass in my english class, and she was quite ashamed, "look at life for those poor bastards."
@jesusmoshes2@xanga - have you read those books on the suffering of those with too much. They're like little adults, and they act like them too. This was actually, I was thinking about something else earlier (? IDK), an addiction-thing, I think. You need to start snipping the time before it consumes your child.
Of course my son does, but he is 17 months old.
Haha YES, awesome idea. I would do the same thing with my kids... if I had some. Great idea.
My siblings and I were not allowed to have a computer or TV in our room, and I didn't get my own TV or computer until I bought my own when I moved out.
My parents knew better than to spoil us. They kept us modest and humble.