My Child and Separation Anxiety

Wednesday, 04 March 2009

My Child and Separation Anxiety
It's funny because there's an article in the current issue of Parenting magazine about this subject.

So just when you thought your child skipped the whole separation anxiety thing, they freak out one day when you leave to go somewhere. What? But you've been to this church nursery, and you've seen these people who've taken care of you for almost a year!
This was the scene at the church 3 weeks ago, and then again the following 2 weeks, but to a lesser degree, and the crying was shorter. M had a total meltdown after I left her during the 1st hour. We usually don't go to 1st hour because she's just getting up and I don't want to rush her, but she got up early and so I dropped her off.
She's not too familiar with the caregivers there, but it has NEVER been a problem before. So apparently, when I went to talk with the Children's Ministry director, M was just crying and crying. It also didn't help that she wasn't feeling well. I figure it was just a combo of all those things...waking early, don't know the caregivers, and being under the weather. But then she did it again the next week too. She saw me leaving like I usually do, and she would not let me go.

Anyhow, I was relieved to read the article which talked about how as children move into a new stage in life, they sometimes do this. I think they said that all children go through this, but some just express it more than others.
Well, I left her there crying, and she was still sobbing when I came back. This past Sunday, I told her ahead of time that she gets 2 kisses, a hug, and a good-bye. They told me that she cried for 5 minutes and needed someone to hold for her for awhile, and was fine after that. On Monday, my sister and her boyfriend volunteered to babysit when Hubby and I go out. Because she's more familiar with them and was at home, she cried for 2 minutes and was fine.

I worked mostly with the preschoolers at work, but I know that some of them go through this too, and the parents end up coming in early to stay with them for awhile, or they sit with them and read a book for about an hour.
I know it's hard to leave your kid crying, but I think it's better that way. So I'm hoping that this is just a phase, but so far it seems to be lessening each week. And for sure she needs to get used to me not giving her my full attention, especially when the baby comes. The caregivers are always telling me how happy M is when she is there, so they're all shocked and surprised by this too.

Has anyone else experienced this with your children?

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Comments (5)

Yeah, we went through something extremely similar. At church just like you. Totally fine for a long time, and then reverted back to not wanting to be left alone. We tried for a couple weeks to stay an extra five minutes, but that just made it worse. So we just started saying our goodbyes, and then sticking to it. It took a couple weeks, but then he was just running to the nursery and not even bothering to wave goodbye to us, he just wanted to play.

If they think crying will get you to stay longer, then they'll cry. (of course, that's after a year and a half or so. I don't think infants think that way.)
- 3/4/2009 4:34 PM
- TheDumberScott@xanga (message)
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My son is 3 (almost 4) and he NEVER went through separation anxiety. Ever. He never cared if we left, as long as he had toys to play with and someone to give him food! But last week when I dropped him off at church he clung to me and bawled his little eyes out! I don't know what it was - he was really tired and actually took a nap that day (he doesn't usually) - so that may have been the problem. We'll see if he does it again this weekend...

I have a little 4 year old boy in my preschool class that has been doing this lately, too. We're not sure why. He says he's scared but that he doesn't know what he's scared of. I've told his mom that it would probably be best to just let us take him and he'll cry for a bit but then he'll be fine. But yesterday instead of leaving him she decided to just take him with her. And she said that he's been doing it at church, too and she just stays in his class with him....... I don't think that will help the situation. He will see that his crying and fit throwing get him what he wants - to stay with mom - and he'll just continue it.....
- 3/4/2009 4:45 PM
- TashaDW_18@xanga (message)
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My son definitely has separation anxiety. It started early. He is a Mama's boy. I hate it, but I just let him cry. He always stops after a while unless he is sick.
- 3/4/2009 9:40 PM
- Erika_Steele@xanga (message)
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No, but I have a dog with severe separation anxiety. I actually think it would be easier to have a kid with it...he loses it if I leave the room to go to the bathroom. He yelps and whines and cries and screams for hours after I leave (according to my roommates, who now can't sleep in when I leave for work in the morning)...and at least with children, you can work through it, and say, "Mommy will ALWAYS come back, that's what moms do!" and soon they get it. Max...he doesn't understand that AT ALL. Urghh
Haha, sorry, I know it's totally unrelated, but I saw "Separation Anxiety" in the title and was like OH MY GOD. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
But seriously I do understand in a way. You feel horrible, but you know that by feeding into the behavior you'll only make it worse in the long run, so you have to leave, even if they're crying.
- 3/4/2009 10:39 PM
- whitetrashpoet@xanga (message)
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My brother had severe seperartion anxiety if he wasn't with any of his family, when he was little but it didn't start till he was 5 and lasted till he was like 7. He wouldn't cry for a couple minutes instead he would have a full blown panic attack and would stay upset for hours. Luckily my mom was in college for teaching so after like 2 months straight of him having issues every day, she switched her America Reads job to his class, and they met with a counselor. So he was able to work through his anxiety, but it definitely took a lot of work. So while most kids go through a short burst of separation anxiety when they are really little, for some it can come later and/or be more of an issue.
- 3/5/2009 8:22 AM
- itscatwithak@xanga (message)
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