I'm 22 years old.
For all of my adult life I have been a pro-life advocate, and I still am.
I recently found out that I was pregnant.
To detail the circumstance that my life has become in the last couple months, even before I found out I'm pregnant: I'm no longer in college, my parents have disowned me, I have no car, I have no cell phone, I'm broke, and living off the kindness of others and recently (and finally) found a great job. At the current moment I have a total of $0.91 in my bank account.
This week, things in my body were starting to feel weird. I was only a couple days late, but I just had a feeling that I was pregnant. I had a few symptoms, but I was convinced that these could possibly just be PMS symptoms. But I still had that awful feeling so I went to Walmart and embarrassingly stole an Equate pregnancy test. I have never stolen anything in my entire life, but I was too embarrassed to go through the line to purchase a pregnancy test.
I got home and took the test. It was a faint positive. I couldn't believe it. And I didn't believe it. The next day I went and purchased the Clear Blue digital value pack where you get 2 tests. I immediately went home and took the first one. I almost fell off the toilet when the screen clearly said 'pregnant' but I took the other one just to be sure it was for real. I was still in denial, even though I know all too well that there is no such thing as a 'false positive' on a pregnancy test.
I've always wanted to be a mother. It's one of my life goals. My boyfriend was told that he couldn't have kids, which I learned to accept. But, obviously, the doctor was wrong considering that I am currently carrying his child. He is still in school and having this child would ensure that he would not finish school. I have already screwed up my own life and to screw up his would kill me. His mother is like my mother and telling her might be the worst thing I would ever have to do in my life. I couldn't bear it.
I decided today that I have to have an abortion. I don't have any other options. I used to be the first to tell someone, 'Don't do it! You can give it up for adoption!' but to be honest, if I were to carry this child to term, there would be no way I could do that. I cannot express how deeply I have always wanted to be a mom. It's inexplicable. But to keep this child would be out of the question. I feel like such a hypocrite, but I can't do anything else. I already feel like the scum of the earth. I haven't been able to move all day. I haven't even done it yet and I am already in so much pain.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation. What did you do? Do you have any advice for me?
Comments (1152)
Adoption. There are plenty enough people who want a baby, that will help pay for your medical care.
Don't kill that baby.
Abortions for allll.
there are alot of programs that will help you. As the PP said Adoption there are plenty of places that will house you and help you and I am sure there are places that will help you even if you want to keep the baby. Good luck
Okay, you say you finally got a great job. Is there a chance that you could get your shit together before the baby comes? I'm a pro-choicer, so I respect how you are feeling, but at the same time I know that you are pro-life and this could totally break you. But I would absolutely suggest that you discuss this with your bf and maybe even his mother. Your future may seem bleak now, but maybe you could work it out in the next eight months.
hi.. thankx 4 the request~ :) about ur blog.. Try and not to be so hard with urself, i have been through what u have been through and i know exactly what ur feeling at this point, shock and denial!! Trust me it wasnt an easy decision. I was one of those people who dont believe in abortions. But only u know and can decide what is best 4 u. Things will turn out days will pass.. You'll never forget but things will get better. I even took the liberty of telling my parents and boy was that a big mistake. That was one of the main reasons i decided to go against my beliefs because i didnt have there love and support. But keep ur head up stay strong. And again dont be so hard on urself because everything ur thinking about urself isnot true, not at all.
My parents forced my to have an abortion when i was 16. It ws the hardest, most painful thing I ever went through, but I can honestly say I was not ready for a child.
I would never have another one and I'm always the first to tell someone to make sure you have no other options.
It is hard, but mke sure this is what you want.
goodluck.
I really don't know what to say or have any advice to give you. I pray you'll change your mind and decide to keep this baby. You don't want to do something you're going to look back on and regret for the rest of you life.
Babies are wonderful little miracles. I know you're in a hard time right now. But I am begging you to reconsider.
Please please please do not have an abortion.You don't "have to" have an abortion. My cousin is in college. She has a soon to be two year old. She had him out of wedlock. Untill recently, the father would not raise the child. He only provided financial help. Remember, it's not just you and your boyfriend. You do have friends and family who will help you, plus a beautiful child.
Consider adoption. I don't know of any good mothers who would rather have their child dead than apart from them. It's hard, but worth it. Try private adoption. The adoptive parents usually help pay the medical bills.
Frankly, you should have thought about your situation before having sex. I get that people make mistakes. I've made my fair share. But we have to deal with the consequences. Why should your child die for your mistake?
I'm pro-choice too, but I wanted to chime in that you do have a choice. There is help out there for you if you want to keep this baby. You almost definitely qualify for WIC and Medicaid, and if it helps you take care of your child, take it with no shame!
Do what you think is right for you. You have some time to decide - just weigh it.
In your situation, I would have an abortion. I know I'm not everyone. But I'm not naive enough to think I can properly afford pre-natal and post-natal care.
Don't let anyone's opinion here sway you. It's you, your body, and your life. Good luck with whatever you decide. You're no less of a person no matter what you chose.
I would beg you to carry this child to term. Things happen for a reason. That's LIFE you are carrying. To snuff it out isn't your choice. And really really really research the long term effects of abortions before you do so .,..... there are risks both physically and emotionally for you, Check out:
http://www.afterabortion.org/physica.html and
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/abortion.html before you make a decision. Go into whatever you choose - FULLY aware of the facts. Because once you do it, you can't go back and undo it.
If you are breathing, you can make changes in your life. There are programs out that in which you can find help with prenatal care, and get on your feet. Go to any church and start asking questions. You don't "have" to have an abortion. You may have to dig and scratch your way out of this hole you're in, but you're not defeated, and life isn't done with you yet. It's work, but don't do something you'll regret.
And not to sound snarky, but if you can find internet access and have time to blog about your situation, I'm pretty sure you can find some way to help yourself and your baby.
I also wanted to add that it is possible to have a false positive. THe likelihood of having one with 3 tests are slim but it is positive to have a false positive.
good luck.
Be true to your convictions. If you are pro-life then give the child its life. If you choose to do this, then I give you my word to help you with that choice. We don`t have much but it`s yours if you need it.
@nicolevw@xanga - i wish someone would have given my parents the facts when I was 15/16 years old. I still have nightmares, and cn recall the pain clearly to this day. I'm glad you gave her these links.
Sweetie, 3 wrongs won't make a right! Ok, you're not married, so you had sex outside of marriage, which is risky on so many levels. Then, you're freaked out and steal a PG test. Sorry, but that really wasn't the best choice morally to make. I know you're down on yourself now for these two items, because you seem like a very moral person. But I'm sure that the guilt you would feel for these two things would PALE in comparison to the lifelong guilt you would feel if you totally went against your morals and killed your baby.
Your options at this point are abortion, adoption, or keep the baby. Whatever your choice, your life will be affected for the rest of your life. With abortion, you will feel the emptiness of your decision to kill your child. Every year when that date rolls around, you will grieve. Every time you see a baby the same age your baby would be, you will grieve. The guilt will be immense.
If you give up the baby for adoption, you will still probably grieve each time the birthday comes around or you see a child that age, but AT LEAST THE CHILD WILL HAVE A CHANCE AT LIFE!
If you keep the child, there are many tough days ahead, and you will be responsible for this child for the rest of his or her life. I babysit a child whose unwed mother chose to keep her son. It has not been easy for her, but she calls him "the best mistake she ever made." She has told me that, although she knows she made a mistake to get pregnant w/o being married, she can now not imagine life without him. She is working and going to school to get her RN.
Whatever your choice, you will be affected for the rest of your life. Why not at least give your child the opportunity for life?
This is a tough situation. If you feel like an abortion is the right thing to do, then get one. If you can't provide for this child, then an abortion might be the right thing to do. When you put kids up for adoption, you're putting them in a vicious program, where they'd be blessed to break free from.
Personally, I'd advocate for an abortion, but I think you need to do some soul-searching first.
It is your choice. These are not the types of situations we wish to find ourselves in, but they do happen. And I wish that every pro-lifer could understand that...not have to live it and feel it, but understand it.
I do wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you choose to make. I'm not going to tell you what choice you need to make with your own life. I've had one before despite me saying I'd never have one (but I've always supported others' right to choose) and I wouldn't again...but I do know it was the right thing to do at the time. If you need to talk about it, just message me...no matter what you choose to do.
Good luck.
Do you really realize the extreme emotional pain that you will put yourself through for the rest of your life if you kill a child that you actually WANT? You'll go on to maybe have other children but would you ever be able to forgive yourself for killing your first? I know I wouldn't be able to.
Maybe I sound harsh, but abortion is a harsh decision. That baby deserves to live. As others have said, you can most likely get on Medicaid, which will pay for your prenatal care and postnatal for 6 weeks after the birth. WIC is a great program and can help you and the baby to eat right before and after the birth. Adoption is also definitely an option - you say you just couldn't give your baby up if you carried it to term - but you can kill it before it even has a chance to live? How does that even make sense?
I have two beautiful amazing children and I most definitely would have preferred giving them up to them not ever existing, and by my own choice, at that.
This is exactly why I am pro-choice. I was faced with this same dilema when I was 17. I knew if I carried the baby to term, I wouldn't be able to give him/her up. I had family behind me though and ultimately it was my "screw-up" so I had to deal with it. I kept the baby. My then-boyfriend and I got married. Now I am 22 and I have two children, a house, and a wonderful husband. We tried to go to school in the beginning but then my son got sick so we were in the hospital all the time and school just flew out the window. My husband is now going to school full-time and working full-time and I will be going back to school in a couple years.
You don't HAVE to have an abortion. There are ways to deal with it. But, it's hard, really hard. Talk to your boyfriend before you make any serious decisions. I'm not against abortion like most of these people. Just think about it and talk about it with someone first so you don't regret it later on.
I would definately not get an abortion if I were a pro-lifer. It's so easy to point fingers and say "Oh YOU should adopt", but how can you now go and say that you NEED an abortion?
I think you're just scared that having a baby will completely ruin your life. All of the people I know that have had "Surprise" babies, wouldn't change it for the world. Once you hold your child in your arms, I know youd be willing to do anything make the best life possible.
There are plenty of organizations out there. I really think since you are a pro-lifer, you will really regret having an abortion along the line.
Whatever you choose, make sure it's something you can live with for the rest of your life.
The Face of Choice.
and
True Feminists on Abortion.
written by other Xangans...
pre-natal care is extremely important and expensive. It would be irresponsible to carry a baby to term without giving it the proper pre-natal care it deserves.
I hate to say this, especially because I don't know what kind of person you are and if you fit the stereotype, but this experience will probably make you think differently about people who've had abortions. If you know you can't care for this baby, and that includes proper pre-natal care, I would recommend an abortion, but it's really not my decision to make.
Unfortunately, we can't help you with this, you're going to have to decide on your own if you're going to feel good about your choice.
Whatever you choose, best wishes.
Now you see why it's important that abortion be an option for women. Pro-choice people aren't for killing babies. They're just for abortion being an option when the NEED arises. I'm sorry about your situation and I hope things work out okay for you guys. I would definitely do the same in your situation.
While many ppl look down on state-run programs, there are a TON of resources out there to help women in your situation. PLEASE, don't have an abortion. WIC, medicaid, partners in prevention, family resource network, health dept, and soooo many others. I would love to have children someday and I know there are thousands of men and women who would love to be parents. While giving up your lil one would be the hardest thing ever, adoption is a much better option than abortion. OR, with the assistance of outside resources, you could be the mother you've always wanted to be...
**hugs**