Monday, 16 February 2009
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At What Age Should Children Start Doing Chores?
by Mama Monkey I have 3 boys and they all seem pretty convinced that I am there to cook and clean for them. I'm really not sure where they got this attitude from as I have never been one to pick up after messes that they make. I start my children pretty young when it comes to expectations of cleaning up after themselves.
These are pictures of my youngest, who is 2, doing a couple of household chores. OK, so these are not actually chores that he has to do, but he loves to help.
Every time I pull out the vacuum, he wants his turn. And whenever I do dishes, he pulls a chair up next to the sink and wants to help. Granted, having a 2 year old help you with dishes actually takes a bit longer than it would if you did it yourself (and we usually end up washing a few cars too), I think it is great that he is so interested in helping out.
Realistically, for my 2 year old, he is expected to help put his toys and books away when he is done with them. I try to remind him to do it when he is done with a toy to get him in the habit of picking one thing up before he gets out another, but with how fast a 2 year old goes from one thing to the next, that doesn't always (or even usually) happen.
We often make a game out of it - such as "Can you pick up these blocks before this song is over", or "Let's count and see how many things we can pick up".
That works really well with him and makes the "chore" fun. He has also learned that when his clothes come off they need to go down the laundry shoot. This is something that he likes to do a bit too much as I often find clothes I know he never wore at the bottom of the shoot.
Right now, he is at a stage where doing these things are fun for him and I think that is the best time to start teaching them the basics.
My older two (5 and 8) have a few more responsibilities. For the most part, there are more cases in which they are expected to clean up after themselves ... or at least help. Things like clearing their dishes from the table and cleaning up a spill they may have made.
Then, there are additional chores. They do things like feeding the dog, dusting and setting the table. Sometimes, I will have them help sort clothes for laundry or match up socks when they are clean. It is all pretty simple stuff and I kindly remind them to do it.
For this, some may ask, what kind of allowance do they get? I have to admit that, currently, my children get no allowance. In my opinion, the things I have them do are all part of the basic responsibilities of life and I don't think they need to get paid to do them.
Occasionally, they will get an offer (or make an offer) to do something extra and we will negotiate a "price" for that. For example, sometimes my 8 year old will offer to shovel the snow or rake some leaves and for that I will give him a little bit of money. I guess I have just seen too many kids who grow up with the attitude that they aren't going to do anything unless they are going to get something for it and that is not an attitude that I want to foster in my kids.
I don't think it is unreasonable to expect them to clean up after themselves and occasionally help with other chores that are a necessity in the house they live in. I also don't think they find it to be a big deal if they are expected to do things as soon as they are able. That said, I don't think it is wrong to give kids an allowance, we just don't do it.
So, when do you start doing chores? What about your kids? What about allowances?
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Comments (25)
I think it's awesome that your boys help you out. And I think it's not too young to both set an example of being tidy, and get the kids involved. Even though my daughter is 6 months old, when we're done playing on the floor, I talk to her about putting our toys away and do it right in front of her, as if she's helping me. I don't want her to be 3 years old and all of a sudden I spring it on her to start picking stuff up.
As for allowances, my husband and I agree that we will give an allowance for some chores, like helping with yard work or helping clean out the garage, and it'll be maybe $5. We will have three clear, plastic cans for stuff like that - one for giving, one for spending and one for saving. So if she gets $5, one will go into giving, $2 for saving and $2 for spending. The other things, like making your bed, helping with dishes and picking up toys are not going to be paid for because those are things that need to get done anyway and we do them because we take care of our house and love mom. That's our philosophy on it anyway.
And by the way, I NEVER got allowances when I was a kid!!
They should start picking up at least some of their toys as soon as possible(like at 2) and helping mom with dishes is great practice! and then at about 5-6 they should have other chores such as feeding and watering pets or Helping mom or dad clear the table.
Growing up my mom started us on chores early. by 7 I had to vacuum the house every day and my sister and brother did the windex around the house (Is there an english word for that?). And we all had to make our beds, do the dishes and put away clean laundry. Then, by the age of 12 my mom taught us girls how to do our own laundry and how to cook. Sexist, yes, but at least we learned. At 12 my brother had to take out the trash and clean up the yard so it worked out :P And this was all without allowance.
I hope to install the same system with my kids (if I ever have them). Thankfully my youngest cousins grew up in my house so we taught them how to clean up after themselves and how to keep their room organized. The older one is only 7 and she always picks up her messes. They dont get an allowance either. Honestly, I think its kind of spoiled to give kids money for something they should be doing anyways. HOWEVER! I do think giving kids an allowance (with rules!) is a good idea. It could help to install a good work ethic. They learn i work = i get money. However I think you should also teach money managment by letting that 5 bucks (or whatever you give them) be the only spending money they have for the week.This means after they spend their money, you dont give them anymore. No listening to the "can we get ice cream" or the "can I get this?". That way they learn to spend and save wisely.
I think you are very wise to start them young, and to "train" them from a very early age that women are not there to be their slaves and to cook and clean for them. I have two boys and a girl, and all have learned how to do things from an early age and pitch in and help. They don't get a specific allowance for it, but if they go above and beyond the call of duty, they can earn money for certain things they want. I taught them to start doing their own laundry in 7th grade. They can cook, they do dishes, just about anything, although the boys drag their heels more and don't do quite as good a job as their much younger sister - I think girls are more tidy and more organized. I am determined that the boys learn to be good husbands and know how to do things, unlike my late husband, who came to our marriage knowing how to do nothing, because his parents had never taught him - his dad didn't have the patience to teach him, and his mother did everything for him. He really wanted to learn, and my dad taught him many "handy" things - he loved learning household and car stuff alongside my dad. You owe it to your boys to teach them as much as you can - their wives will thank you for it! And you deserve the help - everyone in a family needs to work together.
My kids started doing some kind of chores at 3-4 years of age... based on what they were able to do.
Allowance doesn't start until they learn that certain things need to be done to be happy, safe, healthy. Then additional things can be added that earn them allowance. (I don't get paid to clean the house, however, I do get paid to go to my out of the house job and work there... similar concept. Not everything is going to earn you money, some you just HAVE to do.)
As soon as possible, like making your bed in the morning, picking up toys, helping putting the rubbish in the outside bin depending on what it is.
My children all start as soon as they are able to make a mess. If you can get into the toy box and throw toys, you can crawl/scoot/walk to pick up the toys. We try to make it a game. My 11 year old helps the younger children play "1,2 zoopity zoo" to clean-they say 1,2 zoopity zoo, I see a green shoe. 1, 2 zoopity zirt, I see a brown shirt. And I let them "help" as soon as they want to. My 5 year old now helps dry dishes, of his own choosing, every time Dad does the dishes, and he puts them away if Mom does them. I'm not sure why he chose the way he did......my 8 year old makes breakfast for everyone-she makes omelettes and grits. They all have to make their own beds, with help if they need it, they are required to put their laundry in the basket-same principle as before-if you can strip it off, you can put it in a basket. Lots of love and gentle training. :)
I am trying to teach John now. When he is done playing, I put his toys and bbooks away. Now he starts doing it automatically. Usually its only 1 or 2 things, but at least he is doing it. He is only 17 months so I am not super concerned.
My 18 month old was picking up toys when he was about 14-15 months old. I just take things gradually. By the time they're both 3-4 years old, they'll have regular chores (mostly related to not leaving their clothes on the floor and picking up their bedrooms).
I started doing chores at a young age, as I had a single mom working two sometimes three jobs, and she had two kids only 16 months apart. Cleaning up after yourself, helping set the dinner table, cleaning up the living and what not were all usual things that were asked of me very early on. Then I started getting more responsibilities such as cleaning the bathroom and doing dishes when I was as young at 8 or 9. It does help to teach responsibility, and for all the work I did I never recieved allowance. When I asked for money from my mom I think it helped me learn to appreciate it and not spend it stupidly because I knew it might be a while until I got more.
I am currently pregnant with my first child and I have differing opinions on what I still want to do. I will definately start her young and teach her to pick up after yourself and teach her responsibility. It's wonderful that your 2 year old "wants a turn" at vacuuming and helping with dishes. I think it makes it that much more fun for the child and parent when you can teach them and get things done and the child actually wants to do it!
I think when my child gets older though, I would like to give her some sort of allowance to help teach her money skills. If she wants a bigger toy i'll teach her about saving up her allowance so she doesn't take it for granted that mommy and daddy will just buy her everything (which we know we won't we able to do anyway)! She will earn it and learn to appreciate what she has and know that she worked hard to get what she has!
Great post! :)
@krazeegurl787@xanga - Our daughter is 3 months old, but that's basically the same idea we're running with...
We plan on having a few things that Megan really is expected to do for herself (picking up her toys, helping sort her laundry, setting the table, etc.) and larger chores that she elects to do for mommy & daddy will have a price tag so that she can learn to save and manage money.
I'm trying to get my boy to clean NOW but he's only 10 months, hahaha.
I try and put stuff away in front of him and I usually have him watch me when I clean. I mean, I kinda have no choice but I'm hoping the cleanliness will be instilled in him.
As soon as he understands the idea of cleaning and organizing I'm putting him to work!!!!
I don't remember when I started having to do chores, but there is one thing that my parents did that I will do with my kids. They gave us an allowance for the week, in payment for the chorse we did. If we wanted to buy anything we had to use our own money. So if we wanted something "big" like a stereo we had to save up the $5 a week until we had enough to buy it. I think it really helped to teach us how to earn and save our own money.
If you mean chores like just picking up after themselves, making their bed, wiping/picking up food they spill, they are old and smart enough to do that at around the age of 3, depending on the child and their individual level of maturity and understanding.
As far as true household chores like washing dishes, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, laundry.... start off young with what they are physically capable of doing. My mom had me doing the household dusting, weekly, when I was around 7. They had this system where each chore per week was worth 0.50 (prices went up with harder, more involved chores_. So, allowance, in a way, but we worked for it. I think I was 9 when I started doing the family laundry. That may sound intense, but I was definitely capable of sorting, measuring, turning on a machine, and timing it.
My oldest daughter is 29 months and has been helping with since she could make a mess. She's had chores since age 2.
Each day I do an hour "home blessing" I put a timer on for 10 minutes and clean each room. My two year old does it with me. I do the complicated things, she does the small jobs such as throwing away trash, wiping counters, putting toys and books away, cleaning windows, picking up clothes and helping put the pillows on my bed.
Any money she comes across while picking up the cushions, checking pockets of pants before putting them in the laundry etc is hers. She usually gets a dollar every couple weeks. We then go to the dollar store where she can buy a toy. We have a separate piggy banks for saving & giving money.
In addition, she's responsible to pick up after herself. If she uses a dish she puts it in the sink, if she brings a blanket into the living room she puts it back in her room, etc. Thus far she is eager to help and it has been a great experience for both of us. My youngest is 14 months and just learning to help put her toys away. I plan to involve her in our daily cleaning routine as soon as she reaches 2.
I agree with starting early just as you did and in the manner you have. I think you are doing a great job :)
My youngest is almost 7 (May birthday) and next week he will start with an allowance. He already does some jobs around the house without getting an allowance. Making his bed, clearing his dishes from the table, picking up his toys and taking care of his pets he will never get paid for. He will empty wastepaper baskets from bedrooms and bathrooms and clean bathroom sinks. Those will be his chores that he will get paid for ($1.00 a week put in three envelopes labeled church, saving, spending) I think it is important to teach children to give and to save and to only spend when you have the money to do so. As he gets older chores will be added and his allowance will grow (a little! LOL).
as soon as they are able to understand to pick up and clean up after themselves they should be taught to do so.
as a teacher, i believe children should start doing chores (such as picking up their toys) as soon as they are able to walk and carry things at the same time. i see no reason why children should not be held responsible at a young age. they don't necessarily have to earn anything like allowance... but it generally is a good motivator. you could use a simple motivator such as, "if you do your chores every day this week, you can pick what dinner is going to be on saturday night."
and i think it's amazing that you turn it into a game. if it's a game, it's fun! when we were kids, my aunt said something as a joke one day, but it got taken seriously by us kids. my cousin won the game we were playing and she said, "what do i get?" my aunt replied with, "you get to put the game away!" ever since then, the winner cleans up! it's like a reward! we still do it in my family!
The age...1. That's the age I could pick up my toys and put them in a bin. Though granted I was an older 1 year old. But still. I think you should start them off as young as possible. I think it's great your 2 year old thinks it's fun to help. I work with children and some love to help so much they'll get upset when they can't. I think it's funny.
That's great!! I think we're about the same....my daughter who is 2 also loves to help so that's no problem. We did chores for no allowance either. Adults don't get paid for do chores. (Maybe that's why some don't do them still.) I can't remember the exact age, but we would love to pull out the stool and wash the dishes with the soapy water dripping down our arms...and also helping with gardening, etc....it didn't feel like chores to us because we all did them together and it was kinda fun...
Of course, I think kids should start doing chores as young as possible. It's important for them to realize they have to help out. Does that mean you should turn your kids into slave laborers? No. They need time to enjoy themselves, too. But honestly, most chores don't take that much time, so it's good for children to help out.
As for allowance, that depends on many things. If the parents are always paying for extras like ice cream after the ball game or candy, or soda, or movies, then no, children shouldn't get allowances. If mom and dad always say no to anything extra, then children should get allowances and learn to save for things they want.
I think you've got them doing the right thing. Growing up, I was not really expected to do much more than empty the dishwasher...which I had to be told to do all the time because no one ever made it clear when the dishwasher was run and I didn't want to put away dirty dishes.
Now? I'm lazy and hate cleaning and doing things that need to get done. And I blame this on the fact that I never really had to do anything growing up.
I think that you should start at an early age. My mom and dad never had chores for me so I have become somewhat lazy with the whole cleaning up after myself thing. I always clear the table and wash my dishes now though. My mom was always anal about how the dishes go in the dish washer so I never did that. Haha
That's great that you are allowing them to help you. It's a great teaching opportunity. When they are young, they want to do it, they want to help you and they are learning. It does take longer, but if they continue to want to help, it's great. They can learn to be responsible a little at a time. It will make a big difference to you later. They love to imitate mom and dad. It's important that they also see mom and dad reading also, because then they will see it as something they want to do. Great job.