by Mama Fox
I know I've tried to end co-sleeping before and it didn't work. I've actually made a few half hearted attempts to get the baby out of the marriage bed. Each time I caved after a few days because of lack of sleep. This time, I mean business.
The baby is now 15 months old. We are on the slow process of weaning (more child led then anything but that doesn't mean I'm not hiding the Boppy so he doesn't think about it unnecessarily) and both my husband and I feel it's time to reclaim the bed for ourselves. The decision was helped along by being peed on three nights in a row because of a diaper leak. Damnit.
So we are spending our nights comforting E. He is still in our room but on his own bed (which essentially is just a crib mattress on the floor). He has been waking up the same amount of times (around 5 or 6. Yeah.) but because I'm trying to get away from nursing him back down, instead we're trying to have him self soothe. No, this is not the same as Cry It Out, it's comforting him minimally, with periods of just being there with him with no touching, without the pacifier effect of the breast. If it doesn't work after a couple of minutes - meaning he's screaming his head off - I nurse him for a few minutes then try again. Repeat until he passed out.
One point that the No Cry Sleep Solution had was the way they fall asleep is the way they expect to wake up. Example, falling asleep on Mama's boob means they should wake up on Mama's boob. If they don't, it's very disorienting and usually the result of the sudden "I'm awake" scream. Same thing happens if they go to bed with a pacifier then the pacifier falls out. So by waking up pretty much the same way they fell asleep they may not wake up fully and go back to sleep on their own. That is our goal.
My brain is a little fuzzy from being awake more then usual. My darling husband is been a big help. Sometimes just him taking over gets E to calm right down, maybe because of the option of food/comfort that I have. With Daddy, it's just Daddy. I'm glad that Mike has had these few days off work so he could help me out without getting too tired for work.
In the next few weeks, we are going to buy a new bed for our 3 year old so his toddler bed can be past down to E. We're going to make a big deal of the big boy bed and all that fun stuff to make his own bed more desirable. He already has a favorite blanket and a fuzzy pillow. We have a cd player so I can play music for him to go to sleep by. I have considered having him pick out a stuffed animal for a lovey but I also don't want to encourage an attachment just to replace me.
E has done fairly well. I've been nursing him then putting him in bed with one of us staying with him, rubbing his back until he goes to sleep. He's not protesting it too much with that, it's the night wakings - when he's awake enough to cry but not enough to be soothed back down - that we're having problems with. I hope this will get easier the longer we stick to it. I would love to be able to sleep through the night while not being squashed between my baby and my husband.
Have you had to move a child from the family bed? What are some of your tips and tricks to get children to sleep in their own beds?
Comments (15)
When my youngest was born she slept with me but they way she wanted to sleep got really uncomfortable after she got longer, so I put her bed where she could see that I was still there when she fell asleep and she transitioned quite easily. But she only slept with me until she was 3 months old.
Good luck with the transition.
With my first she co-slept until she was 20 months. Its was so hard to wean her & I was big and pregnant so finally we just had to do moderate cry it out. By the time the baby was born (I was 7 months) she was fine sleeping alone and hasn't slept with us since. She has about 3 nights that she was upset but I just sat with her tried to calm her but not to much so that she could calm herself & finally after 3 days she was fine.
We tried everything and nothing worked so we had to do it the hard way.
we never started co-sleeping with our kids so i wouldnt know what its like to have to" wean" them off of it----im a very lite sleeper and would not be able to sleep with a child in my bed!!
We have never done co-sleeping, but I just wanted to say KEEP IT UP! I think that is the biggest problem people have when trying to get their little ones to sleep on their own is that they give up too quickly. Yes, it is hard to see you little one having a hard time and wanting to nurse or be held, but if you stand firm and keep your boundaries consistent, it will usaually get easier and will be better for everyone in the end. Best of luck to you :)
Never had a child sleeping in my bed, so sorry no advice.
I have co-slept with all 4 of our children and I would say start with naps. We always made nap time in the crib so they were never afraid of it. By the time they were ready to move to the bed at night, they were already used to it. However we did have to go through a few nights of crying (not long) before they got the point that they couldn't go with Mommy. It's hard but has to be done.
Of the three of us - my brother, my sister and I - only one of us spent one night with my parents: me. After that, I was out and in my own room.
Especially when my parents KNEW that I was just crying for attention, they'd deliberately ignore me - turning the TV up, start vacuuming etc.
We all soon learned that we didnt rule the household, our parents did.
I guess until I'm a parent I won't know quite how hard it is to leave the little one(s) on their own to being with... all I can say is GOOD LUCK!
to me, i think co-sleeping is dangerous for the baby. there have been incidents where parents crushed their baby to death when the parent rolled over in bed from sleep. when your sleeping you forget you have a baby in the same bed as you hence you roll over on them so i think its dangerous. i rather be up all night than have the potential to crush my kid to death. i dont care how old the kid is or how old iam, its pretty dangerous.
I never had the problem you do, but I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm sure things will work out eventually. Good luck!
my son is turning one month on friday, and sometimes he sleeps with me. when he's in bed with me, i put a towel under his butt so i don't have to change the sheets if he leeks. unless it's a huge leak. then i'm kinda in trouble. lol
I don't see why a blanky is a bad thing. If you really want your sleep, give the kiddo a replacement. I think it's less stressful than no replacement at all. You are doing a good job taking it slow, though. You just have to hang in there and keep at it, because if you give up, then you have to start over. And it's no fun starting over. My son hardly needs his blanky and more. He used to take it with him everywhere but now he just wants it when he goes to sleep.
I did not and will not do co-sleeping. It is very dangerous for the child and it causes issues within your marriage. I know how hard it was to break the binky and bottle I could only imagine having to break a young child from sleeeping next to his/her's parents. Now that my child is older (3 almost 4) he does take naps with me in my bed but at this point he understands the difference between nap time and bed time. He has only once had to sleep in my bed for nightmares. I like having a good night sleep and not having a toddlers knee in my head. Be firm! You can do it! It's not going to hurt if they cry for a an hour or so...just remember each night the crying should be less and less and soon enough it will bye your bed again. Good Luck!
First- It is NOT dangerous to co-sleep. Most of the world has done it and continues to. It is a complete and total misrepresentation of the facts that were turned out to the public in just another scare-tactic move by so-called 'experts'. There are safe ways to co-sleep and they have been proven to be one of the healthiest, most natural, and loving thing a parent can do for a child.
Second- I commend you for taking the time to honor your childs feelings and make this transition carefully and slowly. Instead of doing the usual: conveinently letting them cry it out while telling yourself they'll be just fine.
My husband was very helpful when it came time to go to bed since the breasts are out of the equation the child has less to struggle with. And on that note: "issues in the marriage" ?!! what a crock!! Try to open the imagination and use another room after dad has done his job and stepped up to the plate as a father.
@lilacros3s@xanga -
cosleeping is not dangerous. actually, its dangerous if you as a parent are morbidly obese, a drug user or a heavy drinker. cosleeping is one of the safest practices and incredibly good for your child. the pediatric furniture counsel is the one spreading the rumor that it is unsafe--why? because they want people to buy cribs.
babies belong in cribs. if i wanted to co-sleep i would co-sleep with my dog...cause hes bigger and if you sleep on him he will react. babies on the other hand is a little different, their fragile and small and if you roll on them or crush them while your sleeping you wont know cause your sleeping. its just dangerous to me. cribs exist for a reason.
i've heard of cases where parents have crushed their baby to death. SIDS anyone???. the baby died from suffocation. yes babies in cribs die from SIDS as well but why double the chance...by adding a parent or two.
and not all overweight or drug users crush their baby to death. your just categorizing. some overweight and drug users actually have common sense. to say overweight people, drug users and alcholics crush their babies to death is unfair. if you want to watch your baby sleep on your bed thats fine as long as your awake but you shouldnt do the sleeping, you shouldnt actually...fall asleep.