Wednesday, 04 February 2009
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The Ignorance of Stereotypes and the Hatred Behind Them
I have an uncle by marriage (he is married to my mom's sister) who is a raging homophobic racist. At every family gathering he sits on his obese arse and tells the same joke.
"A woman goes in to the welfare office to apply for services. The social worker asks the woman how many children she has. The woman says she has three boys. The Social Worker asks the woman for their names. The reply was that their names were Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy. The Social Worker asks the woman how she calls them when she wants them. The mother replies that she calls them by their lasts names because each has a different father."
The joke is supposed to be about single mothers on welfare who have more kids than they can afford and each has a different father. So, women (especially black women) who are single with children and poor must be sluts. I heard this joke at least 3 times a year for decades. Each time, my family sat and laughed, all agreeing it was a true picture of the way things are.
I find the joke disgusting on many levels. Aside from the racial overtones and misogynistic undertones, there is the fact that my mom was a single mom for a few years.
She had a child with a man who didn't marry her. She married my father to give my older brother a last name to stay in her family's good graces. She divorced my father when I was 5 and when I was 8, she married the man who would father her third child. Three children by three fathers. My mother never sat in a welfare office in her life. She probably should have since she never got a dime in child support and for a time she engaged in highly illegal activities to support herself and her kids.
While sitting in a diner in California, my step dad witnessed an interracial couple arriving. He made a comment about how he hated the mixing of the races and "people should stick to their own kind". I spoke up for the first time in my life. "Aren't you part Native American? Aren't your mom and dad each half Native American? Gee, if people stuck to their own kind...you wouldn't have been born. Shouldn't you rethink your attitude?" This earned me a kick under the table from my mom and at least a week of restriction.
Recently, I have heard many middle class Americans blame the lower class for the troubles of our economy. It is the poor people's fault people are losing their jobs. Welfare (despite taking up less than 15% of our total budget) is to blame for the state of our country. People on welfare have no motivation to get a job or get out from under public assistance (despite the fact that no welfare program fully funds the expenses of life or even comes close). Corporate greed and political corruption have nothing to do with our recession which is a quickly becoming a depression? 10 Billion dollars a month in Iraq has nothing to do with our budget problems? Really? It is really the fault of the poor? Wow.
"That is so gay."
"That is retarded." "That person is a retard" "Don't be a f*cktard".
Jokes about the "short bus".
Everyone is guilty of a stereotype at some point or another. We have all said, "I hate people like this"...never fully taking into account the fact that we can't see the whole story or the fact that just because some people cheat a system doesn't mean all or even most people abuse a system. Yet, when we start reciting stereotypes and using them habitually with no thought...it shows a deep intolerance and even hatred towards a group of people we have quit trying to understand. At the least, we have dehumanized the people we ridicule and/or blame for our troubles. We have begun to use them and their life circumstances as a way to boost our own fragile egos. We damn them as a way to make ourselves feel superior.
One could say that these views of mine are "politically correct". One would be wrong, in my opinion. The idea that being considerate, polite, and compassionate is somehow WRONG is exactly what is wrong with our society (in my opinion). No, one doesn't have to be nice all the time...but one shouldn't be hiding their hatred behind "harmless jokes" and political ideology.
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- From: mamaelephant
- Name: mamaelephant
- About Me: Hi! I am Mama Elephant and I am both a college student and SAHM to a mischievous teenage son, who happens to have Autism, and an infant daughter. It is a practice in time management. Raising a child with special needs presents challenges disguised as impossibilities as well as rewards beyond the imagination and I write about both.
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Comments (12)
There's nothing wrong with the joke. What IS wrong is the intent behind it. Jokes are merely meant to elicit laughter, while true racism is to spread hatred, bigotry, and fear.
If you are to feel disgust, feel it not at the joke, but the shit-head saying the joke.
I do agree with you on the points of racism, however.
Good post!
Hatred can be avoided, dislikes are unavoidable, hiding your dislikes is a considerate move. Yet, airing your dislikes openly isn't wrong either...
I'd rather be a politically incorrect ass with a good heart than be a politically correct, wheedling nice guy with an evil one.
I don't let myself get worked up over those kinds of things, honestly. My family has opinions, many of them that are way different from mine. They voice theirs, some of them even act like their way is the only way. They do the stereotype thing all of the time. Some of them pull the religion thing out from time to time. And, honestly, it doesn't do any good to get bothered by it. You don't have to like what they're saying, but the fact of the matter is: It's a free country, freedom of speech comes along with it.
For instance; the other day I was reading a blog post on here where a Christian was acting like it's absolutely horrible to be of another religion. That offended me, but I didn't let myself get bothered over it. I've seen so many racist posts even, toward every single race, and I've been offended by them; but I didn't let it bother me.
You getting bothered over what other people say isn't going to do you any good. Whereas I do agree that it's wrong, what they say that bothers you, it's not like you getting hot and bothered about it is going to make them talk differently, think differently. Both are things that people have to do by themselves.
I don't usually care when people make jokes. a joke is meant to be funny and have people laugh. And even then, the only reason jokes can stand is because they're based on truth. Lets not even get into that avenue Q song.
Anyways, I do agree that its the racism, hate, and discrimination that we need to get rid of. But stereotyping? Sorry but that's impossible. The human mind wouldn't be able to cope with storing so many different personalities and ideas, so instead to help categorize and get rid of the 'clutter' our subconscious automatically makes stereotypes. Even if we lived in a world where we never heard anything discriminatory, we alone would do it on our own. It helps us to keep track and keep sane. Remember not all stereotypes are bad, and some dont even matter. Example, 'black people like watermelon', 'cops eat donuts' Not really a bad thing. This is just a general explanation that I learned in one of my psychology courses, if anyone feels like fine-tuning it go ahead.
So while stereotyping might be a good thing, its more the hate and discrimination that we need to focus on getting rid of.
As long as we, as a society, continue to laugh at and accept these jokes, we'll never get anywhere towards being equal and accepting of everyone. What has to happen, I think, is that someone with a lot of power (political, celebrity, whatever) has to come along and break down even more barriers than what have already been broken down. It's a slow process, but it can happen, I think.
i agree with most of what you stated... but i think it is kind of ridiculous that you mentioned his weight. isn't that in itself a form of stereotyping?
What I find hard is that these stereotypes and hatreds keep getting passed down from one generation to the next. I really dislike going to my grandparents during the election because of the comments based on Obama's skin color. That has no basis on how he will act as President. I am just doing my best not to pass along any of those same prejudices.
My family says some pretty racist things (I feel they are pretty racist, anyways) and I take offense to them (even though I'm not Asian, black, etc...) and now that I'm about to have a daughter, I do not want her growing up with the mindset they have. Once she begins to learn to speak and know the difference between black and white, I will have to explain very hard that what they're saying is wrong and some of the things they say are just not words we use. BOY do I have my work cut out for me.
My friend and I are both pregnant with unplanned children. We both make over $30,000 a year. But after what our insurance covers, we still do not make enough to pay for the doctor's bills (at least until the deductible is met). We both went in for the WIC program to help (as I will not be breast-feeding) and are getting medical assistance from the state. We both work 40 hours a week but we live in an area where the cost of living is higher, which means so are all of our bills. It's our first children and we do not plan on having anymore (I'm going on Mirena after the baby is born and she's getting her tubes tied, most likely) so I completely understand what you say about your uncle with the joke...not everyone who needs help doesn't have a job, not everyone who needs help is of another color or has multiple fathers to multiple children.
I actually find the joke rather amusing. Not all women are like that, but SOME are, and that's what makes it funny to me.
Not all poor people or people on welfare take advantage of the system, but of course, some do. And I feel bad for the ones who are getting a bad rep. because of it; however, there are people who take advantage and just won't work, and they're the ones who piss me off. If other people are going to help them out (through taxes, etc.) then they should at least be trying as hard as they can to take care of themselves as much as possible. A lot do; a lot don't. So of course, that DOES contribute to a lot of the problems in America. The war money contributes to the economic decline too, I'm sure, but I believe that's worth it if it keeps us safe. If not, well, it helped us get rid of Hussein, so okay.
I get very angry at welfare stereotypes.
Within one year, my father died and my mother got very sick and lost her job. I was 9-10 when this happened. My mom applied for social security disability and was denied, applied for food stamps and was denied, until the next year when we could count the months we had no income towards our total income. We had 500 measly dollars from my dad's social security (that I, as the beneficiary, collected and went to my mom because I was 10). We went to food pantries and borrowed money from my brother, and cashed in bonds and CDs that were intended for my college education before they matured. When we could, she got food stamps and social security disability. She needed to feed her kid and was running out of ways to get money. So, let's look at this:
She was, a single mother on food stamps (like welfare). She wasn't a deadbeat. She was sick and lost her husband.
I really, really wish people on the outside would think before snapping to judgments.
Now, as for stereotypical jokes and that, I think the intention is important. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a really tolerant person. I'm also gay and I'll joke about stuff. For example, if I'm doing something masculine or stereotypical I say "That's just the dyke in me" or something. Joking. I don't do this with people I don't know well as I'd hate to make the impression that I'm closed-minded. I just think everyone needs to learn to laugh at themselves, and if we could, alot of genuine hatred would be extinguished.