I don't see anything wrong with this, as long as the parents are contributing too. If it is just the older sibling putting in all the effort, then there is truly something wrong. I understand that people are busy nowadays, but there really needs to be a line.

Asking for help occasionally is one thing. Making the sibling be the parent and doing EVERYTHING for the younger sibling is not good.

But what may even be worse, is telling the younger one to wake the older one up, and to have the younger one tell the older one to feed him/her, help her with homework, help get dressed, help clean the room, take out the trash. This confuses things, as now the younger one thinks they have all the power and can make the older one do whatever they want. That mistake is near impossible to fix (hell, may even be impossible because I'm still waiting for my 10 year old cousin to stop bossing around and whining at my 15 year old cousin.)

@raved@xanga - It's wonderful you're there to help your younger brother, especially since you know your dad can't.

My youngest siblings are 8 and 11 years younger than me.  I helped out alot by babysitting so my parents could go out and picking them up from school when my parents were working.  But I was in no way like a parent to them.  Just helping out where I was needed.  Now though, I'm 26 and my sister is 15 and it's hard to get that sisterly relationship when I want to keep an ear/eye out when my parents aren't with her for things she shouldn't be doing!

I'm the oldest of my 3 siblings.
I am 2 years apart from my sister, 3 years from my brother, then 7 from my other sister.

I pick them up, I make them food, I sometimes do their laundry, sometimes clean their rooms.
I think it's easier for them to talk to me, or to each other, because when we do talk... it's about school - people my parents don't know, with situations they weren't used to (they weren't born in America), about the way the system works, about which teachers to take class with, and which class you should avoid. Or about our parents... and how they're divorcing and how it's ridiculous and just... divorce shit.

My dad's a workaholic. He tries to do these things for them, but he ends up trying to make up for his lost time by giving them things.
I don't know how I grew up to know this is absolutely wrong, but I try to tell them not to take advantage of it.
My mom is in the weirdest phase ever, and while I know she'd rather be doing all the things I do for them... somehow she ends up acting more like a college student than I am.

They both mean well. And they both do these things. But they're both working all the time... and I guess that's the reason I have a car. So I can do these things for them while they are busy.

I understand that, and that's why I take it.
They do the providing, I do everything else.
Sometimes I look at it as unfair (you know, when I'm feeling particularly immature and wanting to just live my life), but then I remember that this could be a form of appreciation.
They went through hell in their countries, came here.. dealt with discrimination, language barriers, cultural barriers, yet still managed to provide us with a great life.
My mom did everything that I do now until I was about 14/15, when she went to help my dad with his work. Understandable, right? So slowly, it started becoming my responsibility.
Dad still works. He feels like, as a foreigner, he has to work harder to prove himself more. He feels the need to make sure we are going to be ok in the future.

I'd really have much preferred he came to my soccer games when I was a kid, rather than work until 10 PM everyday. And I'd much rather my mom have been the one telling me I did a good job instead of every other parent.

I know how much it sucks, so I try to be there for my siblings.
I try to do everything for my littlest sister that I wish would have been done for me. That's just it mainly.

There is no sense of family in America, anymore.
It seems every other country has better family ties than everyone here for that sole reason. It's like every family here gets sucked in. Maybe not ALL of them.
It's all about that stupid American Dream.

I have two younger sisters. I am four years older than one, and seven years older than the other. Thus, my older sister and I are definitely having to be like parents to them. It is absolutely frustrating at time, because I feel like I am the one who has to sit around and nag them to do their homework or literally sit and stare at them so they can actually study for tests. I wish my parents would take a more active role, like they did with my older sister and I, but what can I do?

That's not to say my parents are completely absent, my mom still has the ultimate say, but that is usually when things are extremely out of hand.

I think the relationship between my sisters and I are pretty fine. We still fight, still talk about personal things, etc. But I wouldn't know any different, so of course it's normal to me...

well i am 14 years older than my sister and only 3 and 4 years older than my brothers... by the time my sister came around my parents were a few years away from divorce. well i didnt raise my sister b/c i put my foot down to my sister.. i was however given full reign to use the mommy voice, out in time out and spank... but to his day my sister has no respect for my mother but will do anything i want her too i do not live near her anymore but when i come home she loves to spend time with me and only likes things that have my stamp of approval such as clothes... so i dont think that our relationship has suffered b/c of it is just differant than had we been born 3 years apart and grown up together

I am four years older than my sister, and was very much her mother for a while there. We had some issues around the home from the time I was about 13 until I left around 16 that made it so I was really the only one there for her. My mother took care of the bills, of course, and would keep up enough to make sure that she yelled at us if we weren't in bed on time, or awake for school on time, but that's about as far as it went. My sister is reaizing now just how much of a parent I was to her, though we've still had a very hard relationship, and even now, when we have not seen each other for some time, I'm sure things would not be perfect. My sister and I used to get into drag-down fights because she chose to fight me rather than listening when I told her to do things like brush her teeth, go to bed, do her chores, etc.

I would prefer that my kids are friends. I will be their parent, and I don't see a reason for them to have to go through growing up as quickly as I did. I want my kids to enjoy their childhood, and be children together. When they're older, I want them to be able to go to each other when they need someone to talk to, or even just someone to hang out with. That way, I know that once I'm gone, they still have each other.

My siblings are 6, 10 and 14 years younger then me, and I am very much like a third parent, to the youngest one especially, because I was already very much in the role of surrogate mother when she was born. I can't drive yet, but I cook and clean for them, I help with homework, and am there to support them. I often end up having to mediate fights, and just about as often, drag them apart from one another. To some degree I think it is good, especially if both parents work, but when they stop parenting their own children it becomes a problem, or when it seriously hinders the oldests life.

I personally hold a little bit of resentment towards my Dad and Stepmother for putting me in that position. Not because I don't like helping, but because it will always effect my relationship with my siblings, even when we are all adults and out living our own lives, I will always feel responsible for them and I worry that they will resent Me for it. I want for them to feel like they can come to me for anything, but I'm sure they don't because I have been put in the postion of the disciplinarian.

@hann_ah_mazing@xanga - How old are you? You sound like me a couple of years back.

I think it's ok to help every once in a while, but when it becomes a routine you are effectively becoming the parent of your sibling which is not good for everyone.  The one who takes care of her sibling will later resent her parents for asking too much from her, and the siblings will resent their parents for leaving them at the care of their sister.

Best,
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