Sunday, 18 January 2009
-
My Son Has Autism but Autism Doesn't Have Him
by Mama Elephant
Recent studies have shown that people with Autism lack empathy. Now I am all for research studies into Autism Spectrum Disorder but sometimes I feel like they create and perpetuate stereotypes. They can also be very discouraging for parents. Oddly, research indicating strengths and positive aspects of this baffling and expensive disorder is in short supply. I digress.Four years ago, I was going through a very difficult time. My husband and I were separated and everything was upside down. Despite my greatest efforts, Junior came upon me crying one afternoon. He sat next to me, put his hand on my back and patted. Then he looked right at me and said, "It is okay, Mommy. I love you." He knew I was sad and he wanted to help me feel better. I had to wipe my tears, smile, and bestow as much affection as anyone can upon my darling son. (My husband and I did reconcile.)
Last week, his teacher described an event that took place during a field trip. Junior witnessed one of his classmates having a melt down. The other student began to cry and hit his head. This self injurious behavior is not uncommon among those with Autism. It is very heartbreaking to anyone who works with or cares for and loves an autist. Apparently it was heartbreaking for Junior to witness as well. He put his hands up in the air (his hand motion for "stop") and said, "No no no no. Hurt hurt hurt hurt." When his classmate did not calm down, Junior began to cry as well. Junior was saddened by what he saw. He did not want his classmate to be sad or to hurt himself. If that isn't empathy, I don't know what is.
Of course, hearing the story made me feel sad. I really do not like for Junior to be sad or afraid. At the same time, I was so proud. There was my son, wanting to help someone else. For someone like me, who lives and breathes to help others...there are few things sweeter than feeling like I may have passed that trait on to my child. The fact that this trait is supposed to be rare in those with Autism just made it that much more grand.
This is not the first time my son has broken the molds set forth by researchers. He accepts changes in routine with little or no fuss. He is social, it just takes longer for him to warm up to people. He forms relationships and misses people that he likes when they are absent from his life.
Perhaps researchers have it wrong. Or, maybe my son just likes to show people that they are wrong about him and what he can or cannot do. If so, he definitely gets that from me and once again...I couldn't be more proud. I eagerly encourage him and look forward to watching him break more molds, one by one.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: mamaelephant
- Name: mamaelephant
- About Me: Hi! I am Mama Elephant and I am both a college student and SAHM to a mischievous teenage son, who happens to have Autism, and an infant daughter. It is a practice in time management. Raising a child with special needs presents challenges disguised as impossibilities as well as rewards beyond the imagination and I write about both.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 10 Views: 0 8074 Comments: 0 87 View all posts by mamaelephant
Comments (32)
Very inspiring! Thanks for sharing!
My son is 3 years old and has autism. Just yesterday he came up to me and pushed me really hard (in the chest!) to get my attention, and I said "Ow, that wasn't very nice, sweetie" and made a pout face, "You hurt mommy" He immediately broke into tears and went to hide behind something. If that isn't empathy, what is?
I spend a great deal of time with children who have autism, and I can tell you that researchers are wrong to say that these children lack empathy. They may not have as much as a typically developing child, but they can pick up on emotional extremes. My Nephew for several years laughed at people whenever they cried, but now he understands that tears mean sad, and he tries to help. Sure empathy isn't inborn in these kids, but once they understand it they can really be great little helpers.
I have an 11 year old son with an autism diagnosis. He most definitly has empathy!! He is amazing and teaches me every day. Read the book " Awesomeism " it lets people know that the Autistic child is the one in the know!!! Karen
My son always comes running if he hears me say "Ouch," asks me if I'm OK, and gives me a kiss to make it better. When I'm sad, or angry, he hugs me and tries to make me smile. I'm so blessed that his autism hasn't taken his heart.
Last time I checked: Autistics were more PRONE to empathy than most other people. Though this might only be true for the moderate to high functioning Autistics. I actually do some of the things mentioned in this post.
1) Bash my head into things (self-harm)
2) Empathise with those who are hurting
but I'm quite quick at warming up to people. Sadly, I'm even quicker to turn them away; due to being beaten up and hurt for most of my life by peers, parents, and teachers.
Your son is really just a marvel of a person. Autistic or not, he's someone to admire. Even at such a young age, he handles so many things with maturity. You're truly blessed to have him.