Real Things I Have Said...

Monday, 12 January 2009

Real Things I Have Said...
by Mama Seahorse
* Take those underwear off your head! They're DIRTY!
* Who peed in the trash can??
* Why is there POOP in the closet??
* Don't hit your brother with the bow staff.
* Put your nunchucks away, no nunchuck privileges for a week!
* No, we don't allow ninja stars in the house.
* Now remember, honey, no using kung fu on the other kids at school.
* You need PANTS before you go outside!
* Wait a minute, why are you naked? Where's your diaper? Where's your diaper???
* Flush and wash, flush and wash, FLUSH AND WASH!
* Who pooped and didn't wipe?
* No, its never a good idea to make a mask out of a plastic bag, honey.
* You will NOT fly if you tie that string around your neck and jump!
* Where did you find that? Under the slide at the park? DON'T EAT THAT!
* DON'T TOUCH THAT! Is it alive?
* How much did you eat? Oh well... if you feel sick, let me know.
* Hello, Poison Control? (on more than one occasion)
* Listen, if you're not dying there is NO need to scream like that.
* Because
* Just because
* I CURSE THE DAY LEGO's WERE BORN! (as I hold my injured foot)
and finally...
* WHO'S the MAMA? (pause for answer: "you are") That's what I thought.
Have you found yourself saying of these things? What hard-to-believe things do you find yourself saying?

recommend
recs 5
share
email
sent 0

Comments (32)

browse comments:
next ›
last »

I am not a mother, but I hope I one day become one just so i can saw all those awesome things. The nunchucks thing is harsh...I myself wanted to be a ninja once so I would refrain from making that a regular punishment lol
- 1/12/2009 9:09 PM
- lovelyangel_791@xanga (message)
- reply
Oh my, I have said at least two thirds of the things on that list. The underwear one more than once.

The only one I have to add is; "I don't care if her mother said you could go to the topless beach. We keep our tops on in our house.
- 1/12/2009 9:11 PM
- gwacemom (message)
- reply
None of it child-related, but yes to, "Listen, if you're not dying there is NO need to scream like that." and "You need PANTS before you go outside!"

My personal I never-thought-I'd-say-that moment was, *all too casually* "Oh, look...there's a beagle on top of the car...huh..." *continues on with laundry*

My mom can contribute the, "NO. You CANNOT wear your brother's dirty underwear!" with the two boys she's raising now. Jinkies.
- 1/12/2009 9:14 PM
- filtered_sunlight (message)
- reply
I don't have kids, but got a good laugh out of the list.
- 1/12/2009 9:23 PM
- dryvona@xanga (message)
- reply
I do believe one time I said, "Who's poop did you eat?" I loved your list. Oh so true!
- 1/12/2009 9:42 PM
- Luv2BMama@xanga (message)
- reply
This is a funny list. I don't have kids yet. There is a woman at my school who is kind of like everyone's mom. She has said some pretty funny things like "Max get that twinkie out from under your shirt" "Willy put your shirt on and pull up your pants" "Jacob don't rip your clothes off in public!" Keep in mind these are high school students, which makes it even more funny.
- 1/12/2009 9:45 PM
- girl_lost_in_the_dark@xanga (message)
- reply
Another one is "Aliya could you put your shoes on for this event. We want to look professional" funny
- 1/12/2009 9:48 PM
- girl_lost_in_the_dark@xanga (message)
- reply
I've said the "Where did you find that...don't eat it!!!" more than once.
Sigh...kids are so funny.
- 1/12/2009 10:27 PM
- XxFireXboltxX@xanga (message)
- reply
I love the who's the mama one....only, what would you do if it backfired and they said someone else?
- 1/12/2009 10:43 PM
- PoetMcChick@xanga (message)
- reply
hahahahahah awesome... thats all there is to say... f-ing awesome.
- 1/12/2009 10:51 PM
- io04_ish_tendencies@xanga (message)
- reply
"honey we dont step on and smear lizards on the ground!" As I start dry heaving and trying to get the kids not to look at it. the little boy of coarse said "wow that cool"
- 1/12/2009 11:04 PM
- ApplexXxAxXxDay@xanga (message)
- reply
I'm not a parent, but I was babysitting my cousin and I had to tell her, "Stop hitting the lightning bugs with a baseball bat. I don't care if it makes the bat glow."
- 1/12/2009 11:31 PM
- jupiter312@xanga (message)
- reply
"You can only stand on the chair if you're talking to the invisible turtle."

Made total sense at the time.
- 1/12/2009 11:35 PM
- Cackle_Loud@xanga (message)
- reply
"Give me the phone back. Go play with your knives." (A toy cooking set)
- 1/13/2009 12:33 AM
- Scotts_princess823@xanga (message)
- reply
This is too funny and I think that I have said a good portion of these.

How about "Even Jedi Masters have to aim when they pee; Pay attention to what you are doing...PLEASE!

"Don't lick the cat!"

"Your stuffed elephant didn't just grow legs and walk away".

"Get out of the litter box!"

There are so many weird things that come out of my mouth daily. Motherhood is very comical profession!
- 1/13/2009 8:09 AM
- care (message)
- reply
lol oh those lines you thought would never come out your mouth .. until you do
- 1/13/2009 10:30 AM
- MommyDolce (message)
- reply
All of those, except for... "* Who pooped and didn't wipe?" I have a boy and a girl. Lol. So we know who didn't wipe. On a more recent note its "you did WHAT??!!!??", "Maybe you can have a pig for a pet", "You can't have half of a cake", and "Where did you get that?"... there are more, but I am supposed to be working. Lol.
- 1/13/2009 11:08 AM
- malissa1578@xanga (message)
- reply
Yaaay! A poopie! Good job! You did a poopie!

That was to my daughter when she was a newborn. I was never so happy to see poop.
- 1/13/2009 11:21 AM
- IamKelleyK@xanga (message)
- reply
if this wasn't on momaroo, I'd think you were referencing "wild" college nights because on more than one occasion I have heard people talking about peeing in chairs and pooping in community dryers. yuck!

kids are so random though...lol good luck!
- 1/13/2009 11:32 AM
- The_Prestigiator@xanga (message)
- reply
How about "Get that crab leg out of your ear this instant"? I think that has been one of the best along with "I said shut up, that means DON'T MOVE." I guess ya had to be there. LOL.
- 1/13/2009 12:45 PM
- babyK102982@xanga (message)
- reply
Oh, thanks for sharing that! LOL. I really enjoyed your list. I think each mom has a unique list and one that somehow overlaps with someone else's! Boys will always need to hear the flush and wash one, though. No matter what age. Sigh!
- 1/13/2009 3:01 PM
- Gotta_tell_somebody@xanga (message)
- reply
So funny! My daughter isn't even mobile yet, but I have said weird things in my classroom for years. My personal favorite:

"The ONLY hole you can put M&M's in is your MOUTH."
- 1/13/2009 3:21 PM
- shannonmarieadams@xanga (message)
- reply
I have asked where the diaper was plenty of times. I have also wondered why there was poop in odd places, most oddly -- smushed into the side of the bed. Yum.

Haha. I have a boy, so I have a feeling I'll have more to come as he gets older. Those just crack me up!
- 1/13/2009 9:05 PM
- lilwetduckie (message)
- reply
Just reading this, I imagine you and your kids being such an adorable bunch!
- 1/13/2009 9:57 PM
- layfigure@xanga (message)
- reply
Haha, I dont have kids yet...but in the future i could see myself saying these things...Good post! Loved the list =]
- 1/13/2009 10:11 PM
- BrownWolf3@xanga (message)
- reply

browse comments:
next ›
last »

About the Author

From: mamaseahorse
Name: mamaseahorse
About Me: Hi, I'm Mama Seahorse! I have three boys - rowdy crazy lovely funny boys, ages 8, 6, and 3. They will go by the names (Big Brother, Middle Man, and Little Man, respectively). I have a hubby (who goes by J) of 11 years. We live and love in the suburbs of Chicago. I think that there is humor in the little things that happen when you least expect them... and I really do know that kids say the darndest things. We try to live healthy but every family hits McD's every now and then, I think. We run our lives around my work schedule (massage therapist), J's part-time work, and the kids activities, which include modeling and acting. I also am a firm believer in making time for my girlfriends. So I like to go out in what I call my Im-not-a-mom heels which is any pair of heels I could not possibly run after a toddler in, and the BBP (Best Butt Pants) which make my butt look amay-z-zing. We moms have to do that otherwise we might forget about our awesomeness, right?