Thursday, 08 January 2009
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Children Watching Their Mother Give Birth- Ok or No Way?
by Nurse Jenna 
It comes up from time to time that parents want their children in the delivery room for the birth of their next baby. I have mixed feelings about this, mostly dependent upon the age of the child that is to be the witness. I think this needs to be strongly considered before just assuming they will be participating in something “amazing” or a “once in a life time experience,” as I’ve heard some parents say.
To young children, the sight of blood is something they associate with being hurt and feelings of pain and fear. While they may be correct in realizing that pain is involved, at a young age they cannot understand exactly what is happening and why mommy is in so much pain. I’ve seen kids panic and even cry uncontrollably because of their inability to comprehend what is happening. They have been told the birth of their new brother or sister will be such a happy time for the family, yet to young eyes it appears to be the violence that they are prohibited from watching on watch on TV. They do not have the ability to differentiate one type of screaming and blood from another.
Many hospitals allow children in the delivery room if that is the parents’ request. I have worked at a hospital that required the sibling to be either 12 years old, or to have attended a class they have for younger children to prepare them for what they will be seeing during the delivery. I find this to be a very sound policy since I have seen so many parents who have not thought through the ramifications the experience will have on a child that becomes visibly distraught afterwards.
Did you or would you allow your other children in the delivery room for the birth of your next baby? Do you think there should be age-restrictions?
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About the Author
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- From: NurseJenna
- Name: NurseJenna
- About Me: Hi Everyone, I'm a Registered Nurse in labor and delivery and also a Family Nurse Practitioner. I'm here to offer any advice or answer questions about pregancy, labor and delivery, or your newborn. I hope your find my suggestions helpful whether you are awaiting your little one, or trying to get a good night's sleep after coming home. Please feel free to ask me any questions and I will do my best to get you the answer, or at least let you know where to find it.
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Comments (87)
i will never let my children see me give birth. i just think it'll tramatize them. at such young age, they still have no clue of what's going on
I feel the same way you do about it. I feel it is ultimately each parents' decision, but you're right, with small children, they probably won't completely understand what is happening and will most likely be very scared. I think it's better in that case for them to come in after the baby is born. I think it's great for older children to go through some preparation beforehand so they know better what to expect. For me in the future, I probably wouldn't prefer to have my daughter present...I wouldn't want her to be scared or think I'm dying or anything. I think it would be pretty traumatic for her. But again, I don't think it's wrong for the parents that do decide to have their children present. As long as they prepare their children beforehand, it can be a very educational and beautiful experience.
My oldest son showed a small amount of interest in being in the delivery room when his youngest brother was born. I played with the idea in my head and ulitmately decided that he was too young at the time. The idea popped into my head again now that we are excpecting #4 and he is a bit older ... but I have already decided against it. He has a habit of showing interest in things that ulitmately end up boring the heck out of him. Plus, I don't want to be worried about how he is handling it when I am in the middle of giving birth. I want my mind completely focused on the task at hand. Plus, my husband is not at all comfortable with the idea.
I don't think there is anything ultimately wrong with it - but that it is a decision for each family to make with each individual child. A parent knows their child best and is most likely to know what they can or can't handle. I do think preperation for the child - no matter what age - is important. And also think it is a good idea to have an adult with the child as a support person soley for them. That way, if they don't handle it as well as expected or things start to go south, there is somebody there to help or go with the child out of the room. This way you and your support person (be it spouse or whoever) can focus more on the task at hand.
My daughter will be at her siblings birth whether it is in a hospital or at home. She is 4 right now and understands how babies are born. We have a had many converstations about where the baby comes out and about the pain involved.
The parents who do not prepare their child for the birth are the one who do harm. Its not as simple as telling little Sally that mommy has a baby in her belly and we are going to the hospital to let the doctor take it out.
I don't know, maybe if you have a teenage daughter or something that's wants to be in there. I couldn't imagine having young children in the delivery room. What if something does go wrong with mom and/or baby? I would never have my children in the delivery room while I was giving birth, I'd much rather have them come in after everything is cleaned up. I think it would be traumatizing during the whole labor process. As a matter of fact, my sister, who was 21 at the time, came into the delivery room while I was laboring, before the pushing and everything, and she couldn't handle it. She started crying, and had to leave. I wasn't even crying or yelling or anything, just breathing through a contraction.
Kind of a moot point now, since my wife had a tubal after our youngest was born. (The age diff between my oldest and youngest is 4 years).
I remember the idea was brought up with one of my younger siblings (I was either 17 or 18)...I had no interest in watching.
The other catch is, if my wife were to get pregnant again, is that all of the births have been c-section...
Perhaps with older children who can understand it. Otherwise, with little kids who don't understand, they tend to pop out and say the most random things at the most awkward times. More trouble than it would be worth.
I don't think I could handle having a young child in the same room with me while I'm laboring. I'd be too concerned over whether I was scaring him or not. Maybe if he would be sitting very quietly in a corner and there was someone besides my husband to take care of him. Maybe then I could handle it. I don't know. I kinda doubt we will ever even consider this until our child(ren) are in their teens. Any younger? Yes, I think it is possible and can be a very good experience for all involved, but only after a lot of preparation and talking about the whole process. I just don't think I will ever be up for it.
That said, I was present when my youngest brother was born. He was born at home and the midwife's assistants didn't make it in time. So I ended up being the assistant- holding the flashlight (my mom wanted a very dim room with only lavender candles burning, hence the flashlight), getting water for the birthing tub, etc. Oh, and I was 17 at the time. Yeah, it was a little weird considering it was my MOM (we hadn't talked about me being there at ALL before it all happened- I just was). But, overall it was a good experience for me. I think it had a big part in helping me realize that labor is not something to be afraid of- if handled right, it CAN be managed. So if I ever give birth and have a teenage daughter that is interested in being there, I think I would be ok with that, as long as we talked about it beforehand and I was sure she wasn't too weirded out about the 'mom' part.
I don't think it is wrong, but I would never want a child in the room with me. Even an older child would be odd to me.
I had a friend in highschool who was in the delivery room with his mom when she had his little sister. He remained traumatized as long as I knew him :) There are some things teenage boys should just not know about their mothers...
One of my best friends was present at her youngest brother's birth.
However, she was a 21 year old nursing student (her mom's pregnancy was a surprise...).However, I wouldn't let a boy or a girl younger than teenage in the room.And I wouldn't force a teenager to be there, only if she asked to be there.absolutely not. even watching the miracle of life video in sex-ed class traumatized me. now i don't even want to have kids. wouldn't want to put any child through that.
I would never do it. I have a friend who is pregnant with her second child and she wants her six year old son ( ! ) to watch the birth of his sibling. She seems really into this idea and when I asked why she said she felt it was important for him to witness it. I have no idea why - it seems bizarre to put that on a kid to me. Plus, he's just six and not one of those kids who is 6 going on 15 - he's just a little boy. I think it would mess him up. I really pray the hospital they deliver at has a policy against kids in the delivery room. Or her husband nips this crazy idea in the bud now.
I was at the hospital when my youngest sister was born. I was 13. It hadn't been discussed ahead of time. I was told I was going to the hospital just to visit with my mom, and then I ended up staying. Turns out that was the plan, but no one told me. I hated all of the screaming, but I stared into a corner to block it out. I watched the birth, and was the first person to hold my sister. I even got to cut the cord. I wouldn't have done it if I had been asked first, but I'm glad I was there. I don't think I would ever feel comfortable having any of my children there for me giving birth.
Incidently, it worked as great birth control. I didn't even want kids at all until a couple of years ago.
Always up to the parents discretion but I would never do it. I was 10 when my older sister had a baby. We stepped into the hall and could hear everything. When we came back in she and the baby were cleaned up. I noticed a little smudge on the floor that my mom explained to me later.
Like others said, what if something goes wrong? I wouldn't want to worry about one child while I was giving birth to another.
I was 17 i think, when I witnessed my first birthing experience, not myself, a friend. I was holding her leg up & was right next to the whole thing. Lets just say, best birth control ever!!
I think it would be wonderful if all preteen & teenage girls could be in a room witnessing a birthing process, one that hurts with screaming, tons of blood & smelliness. Yep, I think it would work for some birth control. :D Thats a different topic tho.
Honestly, if I have it my way, the only people I want in the room with me when/if I ever give birth are me, my SO, the doctor delivering the baby and the baby nurse who takes the baby & cleans it up after its born.
However, to each their own lol. I don't think I could have a kid of ANY age with me in the delivery room. I do think tho, that the classes for kids is a good idea for those that would like it.
I just found out I was pregnant last night with #2. YAY!!! My son is only 13 months old, so NO he will not be in the delivery room. I don't think it's something I would ever allow anyway, regardless of the age of the sibling. I think it's a priviledge intended to be shared by the parents only- I don't even agree with other relatives or friends being in the delivery room. I was against it from the start, and as my OB/GYN said, the more people in the room, the more complicated it can get if there were problems with the labor or delivery- tripping over people, dealing with other people's worries, etc. I think some things need to be left to the imagination for kids; and there is no way I would want my son or daughter seeing my whoo whoo being stretched and snipped!!
My best friend just gave birth to her 7th at home. Her two oldest daughters stayed up for the entire process (they are 12 and 9). When things got really intense the 9 year old kind of freaked out and started crying. Grandma took her into the other room and calmed her down in time to see the baby come out. They also woke up their 4 and 6 year olds to witness the birth. The 6 year old refused to get up, but the 4 year old got up and dozed until the baby was almost out and then ended up standing behind his mom when the baby came out.
I think that it is up to the family whether siblings are present, but they REALLY need to prepare the kids for what is going to happen and have a back up plan for what the siblings will do if it gets to overwhelming. We are planning a homebirth with our next one due in June and I want our 2 year old there if she wants , but my mother will be there to take her out if she gets bored or scared or if I feel like it might be getting to be to much. My reasoning for wanting her there is so that she feels part of things and takes some ownership over her new sibling. She has gone to all of my midwife appointments and talks about the "tummy baby" all the time. As my time gets closer we will decide if she is ready to be there and if so we will begin preparing her.
Yeah... I think hospital restrictions are wise, if not age, at least education. Personally... I wouldn't want them participating in it unless they were just unbelievably mature, which probably isn't until they're already in high school at the earliest. And still, only if they absolutely insisted.
My daughter was a month shy of 5 when I gave birth to her sister. We lived in a place where we knew no one enough to trust with her care, my mother lived 3 hours away, and I obviously wanted my fiancee there with me, so she sat in the corner behind me and watched her sister come into the world, though she didn't see the gory stuff. I educated her on how babies are born, where they come out, that I might be in a lot of pain but that I'd be okay She wasn't traumetized, she wasn't scared-even when I started to kinda flip out towards the end of the labor and was in so much pain. Her attitude was more like "well, would ya look at that" than anything. I have no regrets, and am glad she will always have that memory to cherish.
When my sister had her 5th baby a few years ago, she had her then 8 and 9 year old daughters in the delivery room with her. I was there as well, both to witness the birth of my new niece and to serve as the support person for my other nieces. In this case it was fine since she made having a baby look like it was a walk in the park and the baby was born at 4am so my nieces pretty much just slept on my lap up until just moments before their sister was born. If they had been present when my sister had her last one, however, I think my nieces would have been traumatized by it since she chose not to use pain meds and had a much more difficult delivery.
We are kind of in an interesting situation.. Being foster parents will make our plans of home birthing a little tricky, but my parents and I (and my husband) have already worked out a basic plan.
I am fully planning on birthing at home with a midwife and dula, and when the time gets close my parents will be ready to take whatever foster children we have to their place.. Its not that I do not want to expose the children to it.. its that I do not know how I will handle labour (it will be my first time) and I don't want to be stressing about how the children will handle it. Also, foster children have enough problems of their own that they don't need to be put through that. We have even talked about the children going to a respite home for a week or two..
But there is no way I would have children in the room with me.
I was in the room when my sister was born - I was five. It was at a birthing center and I don't remember any goriness or screaming or crying (my mom's amazing to be so calm and quiet with no epidural!). It was a big room so it wasn't like I was right there with all the action. I remember one of the midwifes coming over to where I was sitting with a big flip chart and explaining things to me & she was really nice but I had no clue what she was talking about. I looked away from my mom's direction most of the time. I definitely wasn't traumatized but I don't know how much I got out of it. I didn't even know kids could be in the delivery room at a hospital - I wouldn't want that personally, I don't think.
Holy trauma! Parents who would make their kids see that are cruel.
As much as i wish my daughter would be there with my next baby, i would totally disagree with this idea. For one, yes, there should DEFINITELY be age-restrictions. Even though the whole delivery experience is the most amazing experience in the world, the whole site is too graphic for such a young one to see. Especially because its your own mother and not someone else. Even the baby's father had a bit of a hard time when the thoughts of blood, cut, and sewing came crawling to his mind after couple days when he kind of snapped back to reality after the whole dream-like experience.
This is what we do, the kids stay with family while we go to the hospital, I then call at what time to bring them up. Then they get to come into my room and see mom and visit if they want. I still remember my one son ( 3 at the time) patting me on the back and telling me your doing a good job mom.
Then they leave the room and head to the waiting room with snacks and toys and a adult or 2 in charge of them. Then right after the baby is born the midwife covers me with a cloth, and the kids come in. They get to help weigh, measure, and wash the baby up,and spend time holding the baby. Then my dh takes them home and I get my 1:1 time with the baby.
That is what is important to me that the are there right after the birth. Our last birth the kids were 6, 9, 10, 13, and` 15