Wednesday, 07 January 2009
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The Sex of the Baby- Should I Wait or Tell?
by Mama Monkey 
With each of my previous 3 children I knew from the day I found out I was pregnant that I did not want to find out the sex of the baby until it was born. There was never any question in my mind - I like the surprise at the end. Maybe it gives me something to look forward to? I really don't know. This time, however, I'm really struggling with the decision... and my ultrasound is tomorrow!
Part of me wants to know what I'm having and part of me still feels like it is spoiling a surprise that should be left for the end. We currently have 3 boys, so I may cry the rest of my pregnancy if I find out that it is another boy... so maybe it would be better for me not to know. (JK - I will be happy with whatever sex we get.) I have turned for help to my husband, who says that he really doesn't care one way or the other. So, I asked my two oldest sons - one of which wants to know and the other doesn't. I know they both want a little sister this time though.
So now I'm turning to all of you for help. What did you do? Did you find out and tell everybody? Or maybe find out and not tell anyone else (I thought about this option, but just don't know if I could handle that). What do you think the advantages/disadvantages are? Please help ... I can't make up my mind!
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About the Author
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- From: mamamonkey
- About Me: Hi! I am Mama Monkey - a SAHM of 3 wonderful, energetic boys ages 8, 5, and 22 months. They definitely keep me busy, but I love (almost) every minute of it. I have been married to Papa Monkey (25 year old computer programmer) for 8 years and we have known each other for 10. We started our family life a bit early, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am a bit of a cleaning and organizing freak and am always looking for new ideas on how to keep things around here organized and unchaotic - as you can imagine, that is not the easiest with 3 rowdy boys. I love to write as it has always been one of the best ways for me to get the myriad of thoughts racing through my head out. I hope you enjoy my little writings, are able to identify and even, at times, maybe get a bit of wisdom from them. I am so excited to have my writings shared with you all.
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Comments (28)
Good luck w/your decision. I just had my first (he's 8wks now) and we did find out the sex. But i just told my hubby that i think w/our next baby (whenever that may be) i might want to be surprised!
My sister is going to find out the gender of her baby on the 16th. I would prefer to know what the gender is early on. The suspense would kill me.
i have three kids. my first i didn't find out and the other two i did. i perfer to find out so i can be better perpared. with the first my mother was running out and buying her clothes while i was in the hospital...lol it was just easier for me to know the sex and have evrything i needed before they arrived.
With both of my pregnancies I wanted to know the sex. I have 2 little boys. I couldn't go through the rest of my pregnancy not knowing-LOL.
We didn't find out the sex of our son. I really wanted to experience that moment when the baby comes out and my husband said "It's a ______!" That moment was so awesome and I will never forget it. I know that next time I want it to be exactly the same way.
My friend wanted to know with her last baby but her husband didn't so they had the doctor put the results in an envelope and seal it. My friend wanted so many times to open the envelope but her husband wouldn't let her. She is really happy now that she didn't find out before she had the baby b/c she really loved the moment her husband announced that they had a boy.
But maybe you can do the same thing, have the doctor put it in an envelope and then if you decide you really want to know just open it. Since your husband doesn't care it may be the best option for you instead of stressing about it tonight.
Good Luck!
My ultrasound is this Friday!! And I'm hoping the authorization went through....maybe I should call and confirm. eh
The dilemma of it all! We did find out with the 1st, and we only told certain people because my mom didn't want to know. I'm not sure how she feels this time, but it was hard because there were some people we wanted to tell. It was funny because some people bought us boy stuff because they assumed it was a boy...and no gift receipts either.
No advice from here though. We don't care either way as long as the baby is healthy, but we just find out anyway. My sister just had a boy in July, so we will have his stuff if needed. If it's a girl, we're all set.
I know people who didn't want to know but their friends did, so the doctor passed around a paper so the friends could see during the ultrasound. And another person's daughter wanted to know but she didn't, so the doctor told the daughter.
But do let us know if you do find out!!
Finding out lets you know if you need to buy all new stuff in Pink or not. BTW, that would be a lot of stuff, LOL.
We found out with our daughter and we will find out when the time comes with the next one too. Although they told us "they had no reason to believe it wasn't a girl" which to me really isn't saying its a girl. So I always had this little doubt in my mind. Plus the US photo they gave us was not good at all.
We didn't find out the sex of our first and only (so far) child. It was so much fun (for us... everyone else hated us!) I always like the surprise
I HATE surprises so I knew with both mine that I would be finding out the sex at the ultrasound. I'll do the same if/when we have our third.
DO NOT FIND OUT!!!
Blue or pink? who cares? Friend of mine had to know, even had names picked for each sex. It was a boy, Alexander, soooo when she bought stuff for "Alexander" she told people, if he kicked she told people Alex was kicking etc etc etc.
When the kid was born, no one gave a shit.We knew all about him already.It was as exciting as a brother coming to visit.
I haven't had kids yet, but I know when I do I'll want to find out as soon as possible. There is no way I'd be able to wait 9 months to find out. Heck the number of months I'd have to wait before it would even be able to be shown, will probably be hard for me. As for your situation, if you feel like waiting isn't going to bother you, then I don't see any harm in waiting. I like the idea suggested above about having it put into an envelope so you can open it when it feels right. Really though its you decision and you have to do whats right for you.
I found out at the soonest possible time I could. I actually found out when I was 16 weeks, I think. I am not sure, the numbers escape me sometimes. I know that is on the early side to tell too, but the lady giving me my ultrasound is known for not making many mistakes when it comes to sex and she said she was 99% sure I was having me a little boy. I was a little saddened by the fact because I really wanted a girl (but now I am happier with my little boy -- no other estrogen in this house).
It is up to you though. I say find out. If it is a little girl, think of all the cute pink things you coudl be buying tomorrow after the ultrasound. Haha!!
Find out now, that way, if it is another boy, you'll realize that you truly are happy not matter what you're getting. Then you won't have to carry around that guilt of thinking that you didn't really want a boy. Of course you'll be happy either way! And if your boys are really caught up in whether they're getting a brother or sister, they'll have some time to get used to the idea before the big day. --at least that's my take on it -- of course this is coming from someone who hasn't been surprised even once out six babies! As far as finding out that then not telling, I'm not for it. I'm just trying to be happy for my friends having a new baby, and when I ask what they're having, they get all smug and say "we're not telling." That's like saying, "I'm going on a fabulous vacation next week, but I'm not going to tell YOU where." How are folks supposed to rejoice with their friends about that? (can you tell you've stumbled upon my pet peeve?)
@Bricker59@xanga - ouch, that's a little harsh, don't you think? Certainly many people rejoice at the birth of a new life, no matter the circumstances or their opinion of the mother or her behavior.
@Bricker59@xanga - That's a little harsh. I plan on deciding on a name as early as possible (whenever I get pregnant), just because it would make it a little more real for me...I'd love to say "Oh, Jane is kicking!" instead of "Un-named little girl is kicking!"
I find it amusing when people say they couldn't wait nine months to find out. Back in the late 70's early 80's, when I had my sons, almost no one found out the child's gender before the birth. The only people that knew the sex of their child before hand were those that had to have further tests with amniocentesis or ultrasound because of a possible problem with the pregnancy.
I'm not saying to not find out, it helps to know for buying clothes and all but somehow we managed. Personally though, I like the element of surprise.
And then there was my friend who had been told they were having a boy and then called one morning to tell us that his daughter had been born, now THAT was a surprise!
It was so neat to watch the ultrasound together with my husband. And it was pretty clear to see we were having a boy, even without the help of the specialist pointing out to us exactly how we could tell it was a boy.
lol I'm one that likes to be organized so I like to know. I'm pregnant again and we will find out.
I found out with my daughter because everyone wanted to know, and my SIL even went with me so she would know which clothes to give us (she had 2 girls and a boy at that point) the kicker was I didn't want to know. Now i love my sweet lil tinkerbell, but deep down i was heart broken that i didn't get my surprise. When we were preggers with my son, I swore i was not going to know. Well at our 20 wk scan, the lil bugger listened to his mama and wouldn't show himself for anything! my husband thought i was lying when said they couldn't tell. (again he was dying to know!) I had another u/s 3 days before i was induced with him, since i was over my EDD with him, and then they saw he was a boy. So DH knew, SIL and FIL knew, just about everyone, but me! They kept it a secret from me. So when i got my surprise when he was born, too me, it was so much more worth it. This will make me sound terrible, but after dd was born i was just glad that labor was over, i already knew she was a girl, and i just wanted to sleep, when ds was born, It was soooo much better to me. SO i say, go with the surprise! It will be worth it! (sorry for the book :) )
i dunno if i wanna know yet i still havent thought about it i just found out i am pregnant haha i keep taking home prego tests and all 3 have been positive now i just have to tell the bf i am prego.
which will happen tomorrow.
anyone know any cute ways to tell people your pregnant.
I'm kinda wishing I hadn't told anyone that my baby's going to be a girl. Or, at the very least, what I planned on naming her. It took a long time to find a name that people didn't pick apart and dislike. They may not agree with the way I'm spelling it, but I'm so sick of people spelling their children's names all crazy for the sake of being different. I'm spelling it the traditional way, and if it causes people to mispronounce it, so be it....it is correct.
But it's entirely up to you whether you want to find out the sex of your baby. You could always find out and not tell anyone (even your kids) that you even know.
Ah, the curiosity would kill me! I would want to know ASAP.
Maybe you could keep the sex a secret to yourself? That way it can be a surprise for everyone else.
The only reason I would want to know what sex the baby was before it was born is in case of gifts. Personally, I can buy things that are unisex, rather than being aimed specifically toward boys or girls... but others may assume it's one or the other, and we'd be left with things that our baby wouldn't necessarily wear/use. Personally, I hope to be able to wait for the surprise, at least on the first one.
Wow, I can't imagine NOT knowing!!! I want to be able to call Baby by name & figure out one early on. I want to be able to be completely ready so people aren't running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get things after I have the baby!
However, lol.. I do think the little bit of surprise is good too. We'd just have to get everything in yellow lol & end up having to tell people if its a boy or girl because they aren't wearing the pink/blue that sets them apart.
Wait...
or have them write it down and seal it up, so if you really want to you can find out later...or at least show a friend who is throwing the shower for you...
my ideal side would want to wait til the end, but my practical side would want to know right away so we could start preparing... =/ it's a hard decision!
when my parents had me they didn't know my gender til the end and picked out an androgynous name for me, haha.