Tuesday, 06 January 2009

• The Grieving Stage- My Miscarriage Story

   by Mama Whale 

  Right before the New Year on December 29, I was confirmed that I was 6 weeks pregnant by my OBGYN.  That day we tried to see to see if there was a sac/fetus yet, but it was a bit hard to tell through the ultrasound.  She then referred me to do a HCG blood test to see if my HCG level was doubling.  I went home drained and exhausted from the commute to the doctor that day, so I took a very long nap.

  Around 8 pm I woke up and went to the bathroom and realized that I was bleeding and I knew it wasn’t a good sign.  Later, I felt I was bleeding heavier, and I was really scared so I called my OBGYN immediately to see what I could do. My original OBGYN didn’t respond, but one of the other OBGYNs that works with her responded to my call and told me to wait out until the following morning and to call the office immediately in the morning. 

  The following morning December 30, I called and made the appointment and I saw my doctor at 3:00 in the afternoon.  She asked me how much blood I lost and how many times I changed my pad.  I told her I changed my pad once and it was heavy but not soaking wet heavy.  She examined me again through the ultrasound and she said that something wrong with the sac.  My doctor told me I had two options, I could have this miscarriage naturally or another alternative is to do a D&C (dilation and curettage, which is a minor procedure in which the cervix is expanded enough to permit the cervical canal and the lining of the uterus to be scraped with an instrument known as a curette. This procedure is sometimes done after a miscarriage or during an abortion.)

  Later on she referred me to see another doctor to examine me again.  She wanted to make sure it wasn’t a molar pregnancy. A molar pregnancy happens when there are certain abnormalities in the fertilized egg at conception. The fertilized egg either never develops into an embryo (this is called a complete mole) or it develops abnormally and can't survive (this is a partial mole).

  While I was at the referred doctor's office I had to wait in the waiting room with other pregnant mothers, it was heartaching to go through this, even though I carried for only 6 weeks.  I tried not to cry at all inside in the waiting room but it was hard not to. 

  Then 30 minutes later I received an urgent call from my doctor and she said that she was scheduling me to do for a D&C surgery at 8p.m. and that she believed it was a molar pregnancy. She was scared that the mole might get bigger. This happens in only 1 in 1000 pregnancies, and unfortunately I had to go through this.

  That evening I had to get to the hospital right away.  This was a big shock to me and it was hard to take, because I didn’t expect this to happen all in one day.  The saddest thing was that I had to go through my surgery alone because coincidentally my husband had an eye surgery that same night.

  That night, while I was in the process of preparing for the surgery, the doctor had me sign medical forms with lots of medical terms and re-insured me that everything will be okay.  Then they hooked me to an IV and gave me anesthesia and went ahead to do the D&C procedure.  Within a few minutes I was finished and they said that the procedure went well and I had no complication or pain and was ready to go home from the hospital that night.

  As of today I’m still having trouble coping with my miscarriage. I can't find ways to move on or to look forward to for the New Year.  It seems like this is one of a biggest reality checks that God has given me, a very hard challenge to go through.   I just pray that God gives me healing mercies while I’m going through this grieving stage and that I can heal again and move on.

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