Tuesday, 06 January 2009
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The Grieving Stage- My Miscarriage Story
by Mama Whale 
Right before the New Year on December 29, I was confirmed that I was 6 weeks pregnant by my OBGYN. That day we tried to see to see if there was a sac/fetus yet, but it was a bit hard to tell through the ultrasound. She then referred me to do a HCG blood test to see if my HCG level was doubling. I went home drained and exhausted from the commute to the doctor that day, so I took a very long nap. Around 8 pm I woke up and went to the bathroom and realized that I was bleeding and I knew it wasn’t a good sign. Later, I felt I was bleeding heavier, and I was really scared so I called my OBGYN immediately to see what I could do. My original OBGYN didn’t respond, but one of the other OBGYNs that works with her responded to my call and told me to wait out until the following morning and to call the office immediately in the morning.
The following morning December 30, I called and made the appointment and I saw my doctor at 3:00 in the afternoon. She asked me how much blood I lost and how many times I changed my pad. I told her I changed my pad once and it was heavy but not soaking wet heavy. She examined me again through the ultrasound and she said that something wrong with the sac. My doctor told me I had two options, I could have this miscarriage naturally or another alternative is to do a D&C (dilation and curettage, which is a minor procedure in which the cervix is expanded enough to permit the cervical canal and the lining of the uterus to be scraped with an instrument known as a curette. This procedure is sometimes done after a miscarriage or during an abortion.)
Later on she referred me to see another doctor to examine me again. She wanted to make sure it wasn’t a molar pregnancy. A molar pregnancy happens when there are certain abnormalities in the fertilized egg at conception. The fertilized egg either never develops into an embryo (this is called a complete mole) or it develops abnormally and can't survive (this is a partial mole).
While I was at the referred doctor's office I had to wait in the waiting room with other pregnant mothers, it was heartaching to go through this, even though I carried for only 6 weeks. I tried not to cry at all inside in the waiting room but it was hard not to.
Then 30 minutes later I received an urgent call from my doctor and she said that she was scheduling me to do for a D&C surgery at 8p.m. and that she believed it was a molar pregnancy. She was scared that the mole might get bigger. This happens in only 1 in 1000 pregnancies, and unfortunately I had to go through this.
That evening I had to get to the hospital right away. This was a big shock to me and it was hard to take, because I didn’t expect this to happen all in one day. The saddest thing was that I had to go through my surgery alone because coincidentally my husband had an eye surgery that same night.
That night, while I was in the process of preparing for the surgery, the doctor had me sign medical forms with lots of medical terms and re-insured me that everything will be okay. Then they hooked me to an IV and gave me anesthesia and went ahead to do the D&C procedure. Within a few minutes I was finished and they said that the procedure went well and I had no complication or pain and was ready to go home from the hospital that night.
As of today I’m still having trouble coping with my miscarriage. I can't find ways to move on or to look forward to for the New Year. It seems like this is one of a biggest reality checks that God has given me, a very hard challenge to go through. I just pray that God gives me healing mercies while I’m going through this grieving stage and that I can heal again and move on.
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Comments (35)
I have experienced 2 miscarriages in my life. The first one I must had been very early. A week after Valentines Day '05 I found out I was pregnant. And the next week I started bleeding bad. I went to the doctors where they did an ultrasound and he told me that there were no signs of a pregnancy. I went to the lab and they drew my blood to check my HcG levels. That came back negative. It hurt so much. But I never really had the chance to mentally bond with the pregnancy. The next month I found out I was expecting again. And I went on to have a healthy little boy who's 3 years old.
My second miscarriage happened in January/February '07. I found out I was expecting right after the new year. I was excited. I made my first nurse appointment to confirm the pregnancy and have my 1st ultrasound done. The nurse did the ultrasound and she said thought my dates were off bc she saw the sac and the egg was inside of it--but that was it. She sent me over to the lab to have my blood drawn to check the HcG levels. And I had to go back 2 days later to have my levels checked again. I got the call that my levels were doubling. So she made the appointment for me to come back for a repeat ultrasound to see the progress. When I came in I was so nervous. She did the ultrasound and she saw the exact thing as before. That's when she told me that I had a Blighten Ovum. I was devestated. She went and got my favorite doctor in the practice and Dr. F came in with tears in her eyes and re-did the ultrasound to confirm things. When she was finished she just held me in her arms and cried with me. She told me I had 2 options: either see if my body would recognize the miscarriage or have a D&C performed. She told me I didn't have to make a decision right then. She had me make an appointment for the next week to come back and be re-examined. Again at that appointment she held me as I cried. And I decided with the D&C since it had seemed like my body wouldn't recognize the miscarriage. The day of the D&C I worked until I had to be in ACU (I work in the same hospital where the procedure would take place). I went up and checked in. My hubby and Pastor was with me. I was a ball of nerves and once I was in the OR holding area the nurse put my IV in and started my antibiotics. I had a small amount of alone time and I cried a little. Dr. F came and hung out with me for a little bit. She's such an amazing doctor. Then it was time for me to go to the OR. I do not remember much after that. I remember waking up in PACU all groggy. Dr. F said everything went well. But 5 days later I ended up with an uterine infection that landed me in the hospital for 5 days.
This miscarriage was so hard on me bc I had already had the emotional bond started. And the fact I saw the egg and sac on the screen that day. It took me a while to get over it. The day I was finally able to accept everything and get on with my life was the day I decided to go and get a tattoo in remembrance of the 2 miscarriage I have experienced. So on my left shoulder I have 3 hearts (one large and 2 small) with angel wings. The small hearts represents the 2 miscarriages and the large heart is me. The meaning behind the 2 is that the 2 miscarriage will always be in my heart and they will always be my and my children's guardian angels.
3 months after my miscarriage I got pregnant again. With this pregnancy Dr. F wasn't taking any chances and she kept a very close eye on me. I went on to have a healthy little boy who is 19 days shy of turning 1.
Coming from experience, and knowing that it is something that carries on with you for the rest of your life, no matter how many children you have in the future the children you didn't get to meet still are with you.
I've had 3 miscarriages, all of them along 9 weeks along. The first one I didn't know what was going on and really didn't even go to the doctors for it, thought it was just an overheavy period. I now know what it was, and since have had 2 more miscarriages. The second pregnancy which is my son who is happy and healthy thank the Lord, I was always so scared when I was pregnant with him wondering if I was going to lose my pregnancy. He's fine and healthy now. After my son we wanted more children so we found out that we were pregnant a couple days after my sons 1st birthday and we went for ultrasound because I was having a bit of back pain, everything seemed to be fine on the ultrasound, but 4 weeks later I went to the ER cause I was spotting and after ultrasound and doctor visits it was confermed that my baby hadn't made it. I was in total shock, I couldn't eat, sleep, and all I could think of was that I was carring my little miracle inside but I wasn't going to get to meet him/her in the 9 months like all hte other mothers. I called my best friends who all were either pregnant or trying to get pregnant, and they prayed for us. We miscarried on Dec. 5. I was 9 weeks along and I miscarried at home in hte bathroom, when people ask me about a d n c I had no clue before but I do now and I would opt to go for that instead of doing it at home. I was totally scared and lost afterwards, and something I kept pushing my husband out of cause I didn't want him to remember our "baby" being flushed down the toilet. I later got pregnant for the 3rd time and again miscarried him/her at 9 weeks.
The doctors don't know why, how what's happening to my body, and we did end up concieving and now I have a beautiful baby girl who is 16 months old. I got so jealous of other mothers who were pregnant, were having babies, and for the ones that got pregnant and not even meaning it. I was so mad at people who didn't want there babies when here I was so much wanting mine and couldn't. Here we are and have been trying to concieve for a little close to a year and nothing is working. I too have a tattoo of my miscarriages on my back, I have three crosses tied together with a band holding my babies together !!!
I'm so sorry for you lose, and I hated hearing this when people found out that we weren't going to be having the baby and we lost it. Just remember that you didn't lose the little one, he/she is still in your heart and your thoughts, cry, get mad, write it down, it's alright to get angry !!!!! Talk to your husband, I'm sure he's going through hurt too. So, as I sit here and cry over how much pain you must be in and knowing that I've traveled the road that so many other women have traveled, I will be praying for your healing, and your hurt, and know that the Lord is with you !!! If you ever want to talk please dont hesistate to contact me. God Bless You
I'm sorry for your loss, I understand what you are going through.
I felt very isolated and alone when I had my first m/c, if you feel like that, please know it's normal, I go to a set of web forums relating to trying to conceive and pregnancy, there is a loss forum there, I can recommend it if you feel you need support.
So sorry to hear about your loss. And how awful to have to go through the surgery alone. Take your time dealing with the loss of your baby. Keep talking through it with your friends and family. I think we often assume that people around us don't want to hear it because they just don't know what to say. But if they are like my friends they would be willing to talk anytime you need to.
i'm so sorry to read about your loss :(
my prayers and lots of hugs to you dear.
I am sorry to hear about your lost. A few years ago, I found out that my mother miscarried the first time she became pregnant. Reading your post made me feel so much pain for what you are going through, what my mother went through, and what many have gone through as well.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
im sorry you had to go through this! no one really understands unless they've been through the same thing.
I experienced 2 miscarriages within 4 months. the first at 12 weeks (baby stopped growing at 9) and the other at 7 weeks. So much goes through your head when you find out that you're pregnant, you become more concerned with the thought of a baby rather than the thought of a pregnancy so when it all ends so abruptly its very hard.
I was not given the option of a D&C the first time. Two doctors had told me that they didnt recommend it because the body would naturally take care of things. It took a week from the time I found out til the actual miscarriage and it was the most agonizing pain. I went to the er and they gave me pain medication but that was it, and sent me on my way.
In my experience, I've found people can be very heartless about a miscarriage.
The second time around, I didnt tell anyone I was pregnant, just my husband. Two weeks after we found out, I began bleeding and knew it was over. We suffered silently. To this day no one knows about that second miscarriage.
But it does get better I promise you! Its always in the back of my mind. We now have a happy healthy 2 year old and my pregnancy with her was pretty much a breeze aside from the normal gripes (like how huge i got!)
We're considering baby #2 (or #4 in my mind) so I'm sure its going to bring back all my fears and anxiety again but then I'll look at my daughter and know that it is possible to have a healthy child!
hang in there! i read a lot of stories from other women, it helped to know that i wasn't alone.
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through as I have never been in your situation. But I do have faith that God is with you and will be every step of the way. Let Him love on you and comfort you at this time. God bless you.
@DWLsMommy_05@xanga -
Isn't it awful when someone adds a site about guns and ammunition at a time when people are down about an important thing such as a miscarriage? Am I the only one who read that?
@WAHM - Thanks for pointing that out! We deleted that comment.
I have also had 2 miscarriages. The first one was at 8 weeks and the second was about 4 or 5. They were both to be due in December two weeks apart. I have a son that is 2 as of October, but now I should have 3 children, but I don't. I keep telling myself there is a reason God did not want me to have those two children. Maybe something was/would have been wrong with them physically or mentally...only God knows. Right now I am just happy to have my one son, but I will never forget my other two children who are in heaven today with God. Like others have said...take your time grieving, and be reassured that when your grieving process/period is over you will never ever forget them, and if you are like me you will never forget their "birthdate." Christmas is always a little hard at times because my two were to be born on the 16th and the 20th. God helped me get through it, and he still helps through my sad times.
i had the similar situation like yours 4 months ago. at 6.5 weeks, they still couldn't see heartbeat in my sac and they claims it was blighted ovum in which the eggs never developed into an embryo. I had the d&c done that same week and i came home crying... i know exactly how u feel. so sorry to hear that.
I learned from my miscarriage that you don't move on so much as you just accept it as a part of your life and move forward, but you never just leave it behind. I believe I miscarried just before I got pregnant with my first child, and I miscarried again between babies 4 and 5. It was very painful. My family (parents) was in complete turmoil at the time, and I never even told my dad, so I couldn't really tell anyone else either. Only a couple of close friends, my husband, my midwife and my mom knew about it. I miscarried around 13 weeks, but we had known from very early on that I was pregnant. We named the baby, and I still think of him/her from time to time. I wonder if someday I will meet my little one I never knew on earth, in heaven. In my heart, I have seven children - I just never had the opportunity to hold one of them in my arms.
There are a lot of moms here who grieve with you and are praying for you today. Please try to remember that you are not alone.
So sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you find the strength to move forward into the New Year.
@luvlyac@xanga - I had a blighted ovum with my second miscarriage. When the nurse and my doctor did the ultrasound they saw the sac and inside the sac was the fertilized egg. But it never developed passed that stage. I was heartbroken. I had already started showing and all. I had a D&C about 9 days after having it confirmed. I tried to give my body time to recognized the miscarriage and it wouldn't. So my doctor and I decided the best way was the D&C. You can read the rest of my comment up above with the rest.
I had a miscarriage the day before Thanksgiving this year, 11/26/08. I was 12 weeks along. We hadn't done an ultrasound at my doctor's visit since my deductible is per calendar year. So, we decided to wait until the first of January to get one. On Tuesday evening, I started cramping and bleeding heavily. The on-call doctor told me there was nothing they could do to save my baby if I was miscarrying so to just stay home unless the pain got too bad. I had contractions and lots of loss of blood all night. It was miserable to go through the misery of contractions and have no baby. I went to the ER (per dr's orders since my dr was closed the day before Thanksgiving).
You will get through this, although it feels so heavy right now. Like others have said, you'll just accept it, but you'll never get over it. You lost a baby, a child, so this is something to grieve over. Don't forget that. It's your right to grieve and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
We have conceived again, apparently immediately after losing Baby #2. We have an appt next week to see if everything is okay. I'm hoping it is. My advice, too, is to try to conceive right away, if you're up for it and your doctor will let you. You're super fertile right after having a miscarriage for some reason. So, if you're up for it, I'd say go for it.
Again, so sorry for your loss. No one can take away the pain you're feeling, but maybe it will help to hear that others have gone through this, too.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My first pregnancy also ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks. We started having problems a few days after we found out. It was four weeks of hell and holding onto any hope we could find. It is devastating. I too, had trouble dealing with it, and still, even after giving birth to a healthy baby girl, have deep pain. It doesn't ever go away. You will hear a lot of thoughtless things from people trying to comfort you, and they will never understand your pain. I always felt guilty about grieving because no one saw my baby so they couldn't understand why I was grieving. Just know that you are not alone in your pain. That is the only thing that comforted me. I did a lot of research on line, and found some really helpful websites. Reading about other people's experiences and talking to my husband about my feelings are the only things that got me through. Know that you're not alone, and that it's completely normal to go through all the stages of grief. No matter how other people make you feel, that was your baby, and you have a right to grieve deeply for him or her.
I'm so sorry for your loss. If you're anything like me, you don't WANT to feel better yet, you want this time to cry and be angry and remember your baby.
I hope the tests show this wasn't a molar, so you can resume your family plans if that's what you want, instead of having to wait a year. It took us a long time to conceive (both times) and I was so depressed I wanted to die by the time I got pregnant again. And then once you are, the worry is worse than anyone imagines. The dr told me today I'm out of the danger zone, and I still can't quite believe it.
I'm so sorry.
i'm really sorry.