Sunday, 04 January 2009

• How Do You Find Other Mom Friends and Community?

   by Mama Fox

  I've been thinking a lot this last week about my social circle. It's fairly limited at the moment. I'm grateful for the friends I have made here in Austin over the last 8 months but I have yet to find someone that I would consider my best friend, someone with common interests and life experiences that I can be open and honest with. I have one friend that is close but we are still in the getting to know you stage of our friendship, a task made more difficult by our children, sickness and busy schedules.
  
  Being a young mom it is especially difficult to find a place to fit in the community. I want to have friends my age but I also want to have mom friends with similar parenting styles. Young AP moms are fairly hard to come by. I've met a few, I hope to meet many more once I have a vehicle during the day. Having a like-minded community is so important, especially for SAHM's. There's just that point you reach where you just want to talk to an adult that you aren't married to!
  
  Momaroo has been a great tool for meeting other moms online. We are all here with something in common: parenting. I have met many wonderful moms here that I am pleased to call my friends. (Yall are awesome by the way) I have also met many great mothers on Mothering's message boards MDC.
  
  With the technology we have, we can reach out and "touch" each other. Blogging sites and message boards, all geared to parents, some completely devoted to a certain aspect or group. We can and do form friendship bonds with women we have only seen in pictures, some we only know or at least refer to by screen name. There's Cafe Mom, iVillage, The Baby Wearer and many many others.
  
  While I adore my internet friends, they don't completely replace the need to adult face to face conversation. There are weeks here where the only adults I see besides my husband are my neighbors in passing. I'll admit that I get extremely lonely. I really look forward to the new year. With the changes going on in our home, I'll start having my truck on a regular basis during the week so the boys and I can get out and interact.
  
  Meeting new people is difficult at times. First, where do you actually meet people?! It's not like you can just walk up to random people in the grocery store and ask them to be your friend. Plus you are limited in where you can go by your children. There are a few ways you can meet people.

  • You can meet local people online through sites like Meetup and Yahoo! Groups that set up events. Just search for your interest and there's a group for you.
  • Meet your neighbors. Your new best friend may live just down the street.
  • If you want to meet other moms, go to where the moms are; the park, library story times, fast food place with a play area, etc. If you become a regular, you'll most likely bump into the other regulars often. Find an opening and strike up a conversation with someone you recognize. Fear inducing, yes especially if you are on the shy side but just chatting about the weather or a local happening may evolve into exchanging phone numbers to set up a play date. Remember, she's probably just as nervous about meeting new people too.
  • Meet your spouse's coworkers and their spouses. Invite them to your July BBQ. Go to the company events. Invite them to dinner. One of my good friends is the wife of Papa Fos'x coworker. We already have one thing in common, our husbands' job, then we found other similarities.

  You have to get out there to make friends. Sometimes the getting there starts at the computer but that shouldn't be your only support. Think about what you want in a friend, write it down if you want, then look for those traits. You may meet a new good friend in unlikely places so keep on the look out. Be friendly and polite, make eye contact and smile. The same way you wouldn't want to approach someone that looks standoffish, no one will approach you if you look that way.
  
  Just start slow and be patient. A hi to that other mom today morphs into a full conversation the next week then phone number exchange the next. Sometimes it takes a while in the "I see her at the park every Wednesday" to turn into "I meet her at the park every Wednesday." Relax and friends will come.
  
  And remember to have good friends, you need to be one.
  
  

  "A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”
   

  How did you find other mom friends and community?

  • 10:15 AM
  • 2259 Views
  • 12 eProps
  • 8 Comments