So I'm hearing from some people already what I should as it gets closer to the arrival of Baby #2 (okay, I'm not even half way there, but still...a mom can never be too prepared right?). I hear I should really get M potty-trained.
There is a sibling celebration at the hospital so that the big brother/sister will know what to expect. They will get a t-shirt and a certificate. I forget what else they do, but we'll probably be going to that.
And also, we were thinking to have a "Big Sister" Party for M so that she will feel that even though we're preparing the house and our lives for Baby #2's arrival that we're not solely centered around the baby, even though s/he is on the way and will needs lot of attention once s/he is here.
I sense that she feels a little "neglected" when I play with her little cousin. She wants the attention of her mommy on her. So, in a way, she's sort of "in training" when we visit my nephew. She does love him, gives him kisses and gently touches, but she'd rather have me play with her. At night, she always asks to say good night to the baby in my belly, and gives it a kiss.
If you all know M, you already know that she is a great helper, and pretty mellow kid. I'm hoping it'll be a smooth transition for her...but there's only so much a little body can handle when a crying baby is keeping you up at night and you're mommy's not there to make it better.
Any tips on how to prep Big Sister M for the new baby? Should I expect some jealousy? How can I make time for M once the baby is born?
Thanks!
Comments (20)
I dont have any tips, but I think it is adorable that she kisses your belly goodnight!
If you stay calm and don't over-lavish attention on her now, you'll do just fine. What's the definition of "over-lavish"? If you let her comfort herself when she doesn't look for comfort, you are fine. If you are jumping up to offer comfort when she didn't seek it, you are over-lavishing, and she (and you) will have to learn the new limits when the new baby arrives.
Why stay calm advice? If you are not happy about sharing your attention between children, then your children won't. If you are calm and pleased with the sharing of your affection between them, then they will be more comfortable with it too.
How old is M? A lot can really depend on the age of the older sibling.
There is only 2 years and one month between C and E. C has never shown signs of jealousy towards E. With all my kids; eight at last count; I really never had a problem with jealousy. We just always made sure to include the older sibling in the preperations and such.
As for potty training before the baby gets here; if M is ready then go for it. If she has shown no signs of being ready; it will just be a stressful time for the both of you with little if any results. C was not trained prior to E's birth. In fact he wasn't trianed for almost a year after she came along. Having two in diapers was not as bad as it sounds and when the time came for potty training, it was done in a matter of two days.
Congrats on the upcoming arrival and do your best to relax and enjoy the moments.
my son was EXCELLENT with his new sister and from what I've seen girls are WAY easier because they are nurturers in general. it's harder to make a boy be sweet and gentle. I introduced him to other babies a lot. I read him this book at least once a week called "I'm a big brother now" (they have the sister version too at kmart) and we would talk about how the boy in the book was such a good big brother. I LOVE the idea of a big sister party. We got my son a sandbox but my daughter was born 4 days before his 2nd birthday so we just kinda had a birthday/big brother present. Try to keep her as involved as possible and CONSTANTLY tell her how great she'll be as a big sister. When the baby is born have her help (if she wants to) then tell her again what a BIG help she is to mommy and that you need her help as a good big sister. It really seems to make my son feel proud if he brings her one of her toys or brings me a diaper for her. Your daughter will have different issues with the baby here and there, they'll have issues growing up...that's just how siblings are. lol It will be ok but try your best not to blame anything on the baby. For instance don't say "we can't go outside because I have to feed the baby" say "mommy is busy right now, we'll go outside in a little while ok?" now that I've written a novel...lol I hope that helps. OH and dolls/other babies help her practice being gentle with them.
We gave our #1 a new baby doll that looked very real, so she would have a "baby" to take care of while mommy took care of her new baby brother. That worked very well - she's always been very nurturing and grown-up. She attended all the baby showers, and got 1 or 2 big sister gifts at each one (books for her to "read" to the new baby were a big hit). We talked about getting a new baby whenever she brought it up, and I dropped it as soon as she was done talking about it. I figured she knew how much she wanted to dwell on it. And lastly - this one works wonders - after the new little one came, I would occasionally make a point of saying (when she was in the room to hear it) as I put him down for a nap "Now baby, you need to lay hear and play for a while because I need to go play with sister for a little while." Hearing him being told that he had to share me with her, after hearing all day long how she needed to be patient while I tended to him was a huge shot in the arm for her.
oh, and about the potty training, if you can have her completely potty trained for a couple of months before the new arrival, then go for it, but if she will still be trying to master the new skill when she gets to be a big sis, I'd put it off. Otherwise, she's likely to suffer a real setback in the middle of so much adjustment, not to mention the fact that with your arms full of baby, you may not always be able to drop everything on a moment's notice to help her to the bathroom. You don't want to set her up for a blow to her confidence like that while she's trying to get used to not being the only kid in the house, too.
I do agree that potty training M before Baby comes would be a HUGE help. The only other suggestion that I've seen done is getting a realistic baby doll and carry it around, pay attention to it and such just like you would when Baby comes.
Also, I really like the idea of the hospital having a sibling party, thats really cool.
I'm going to have to take all this advice to heart myself! I need to check into our hospital's classes and see if they offer a big sister class, too...Maggie will be turning 3 when our little lima bean is born in June, and she, like M, is nurturing, but I want to prepare her as much as possible...good luck to you!
We did rather small preparations around K. We got him a big brother book and the book "Just Fine as we Are" (something like that), and read those. Just Fine is great because it's still applicable. The really major thing we did was to get a couple presents for him to open at the hospital. They were already wrapped, ready to go, and I just had Dad bring them when he brought K. This was because we understoode that Mommy would be opening so many presents that were for the baby we wanted him to have a little something too. One was a small toy and one was a shirt that said Big Brother (from CafePress). However... even with our preparations, it still took him a month to care about the baby. There was no jealousy or anger, I just really think he didn't care, almost like she didn't exist. I think this has to do with the circumstances surrounding our trip to the hospital, but also because it was all new to him. I also agree that age matters (they are 3 years apart). My friend who had her kids 19 months apart experienced no problems whatsoever.
Side note related to this - our children's birthdays are only a month apart. So just 30 days after she was born, our son had his 4th birthday. We notified friends and family to not give ANY presents related to being a big brother. We felt he'd had enough and we wanted his birthday centered entirely on him.
@girl_lost_in_the_dark@xanga - 22 months. she will be 2 years and 3 months when the baby arrives.
@der_lila_Stern@xanga - I know she says there's a baby in there, but I'm not quite sure how much she understands. When I was teaching pre-K and pregnant with my 1st, a girl asked how the baby got in there, and does it sleep in a box. hehe
@IMChurchmouse@xanga - Makes sense. Thanks. I know I tend to always be right there whenever anything happens.
@catalya@xanga, @gwacemom - - Thanks. It'll be a 2 year 3 month difference between the two. We're working on potty-training before baby arrives. So far so good...
@PropertyOfMark@xanga - That's great advice. The big sister party will be about 2 months after her bday, so we're not going to do both because that would be too much, so just one or the other. And I do have a list of "big sister/brother" books to check out from the library too. @Meahsmom@xanga - It'll probably be a big sister/baby "sprinkle" (since we don't need more than we already have)/hubby's bday party (it'll be his big 3-0!
@jusanobody@xanga - We're working on the potty training and she did pretty well the other day. Hopefully it'll get more consistent. We still have 5 months left...
@teachergurl@xanga - Congrats!!! I thought more on the big sibling party, and it's going to be a combo party...Read comment above
@shadowraven@xanga - They will be 2 years 3 months apart. Read comments above for my party plans...if we decide to do it that way. And I do agree that too many presents would not make for a great thing either. It's too overwhelming...like for Christmas too. I'm actually going to have to put away a few things tomorrow.
Thanks for the advice!!
@mamajoyjoy - lol! That is so cute! Both of my sisters are pregnant. A couple of months ago when they werent showing very much, my 3 year old nephew said there was a baby in Aunt Deb's belly. So my brother-in-law asked where else there was a baby expecting him to point and say "Baby Jordan" for his little sister. Instead he pointed to my belly!
So I dont think they always really get it either!
"When I was teaching pre-K and pregnant with my 1st, a girl asked how the baby got in there, and does it sleep in a box. hehe" -- that's great! When my mother was pregnant with me, one of our pastor's twin boys offered her a dollar if she would open her mouth and let him look at me :D
Some things that can be done are talk to M and discuss all the things that will be happening and going on before baby comes and after baby comes, what it will mean to her to be a big sister, how she can help you and baby. Stress that she is going to be a big sister. The New Baby and Baby Sister from www.suesbooks.info helped. Let M know that she will always be loved and you will still have time for her. If she is toilet trained, it will certainly help, but don't get stressed over it. It will all work out. Enjoy.
@Meahsmom@xanga - hehehe did she take the dollar? hehe
@Suesbooks - Thanks. I'll look into the books from the site.
Nah, she didn't want to take his money for an experiment she knew wouldn't work out for him. But she got plenty of mileage out of telling the story!