Wednesday, 17 December 2008
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Sexless in the City: Sex and Stress Do Not Mix
Guest post from mrsprosa
No matter who you are, I know you've all heard the expression "Don't ever get married, You'll never have sex again". I think it leaves people to wonder: "Is that true?"Well some psychologists say about 20 percent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year! Thats less than once a month!!! (I should let my husband look at the statistics, he'll be less likely to complain.)Studies also show that when women experience high levels of stress at work or at home, sex becomes a non-issue. Men are the complete opposite. They feel that when they reach high levels of stress, sex is more important. The same when there are arguments in the relationship, men want to jump in the sack to resolve, women want to resolve before even thinking about the bedroom.Married couples these days have a lot of factors in their lives leaving them too tired for intimacy. Stress at work, children, bills, schedules, chores, or events. Even with that being said, I honestly don't know why 20% of married couples are only having sex 10 times a year. What do women's hubbies do to deserve that??
So all the husbands out there looking to have more intimacy with your wife: Do some chores! After all, there's nothing more sexy than a man who takes out the trash without being asked!When you're stressed does sex become a non-issue?
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Comments (25)
When I'm stressed sex seems to make things better....
Or rather, what does a woman do to deserve sex only once a month or less? it's not just the gals who become "disinterested." It happens to very busy, overworked males, too. At the supposed "peak" of our marriage, at age 33 and 34, my husband and I were down to about once every three or four weeks, if that. It wasn't enough for me, but he seemed completely content with that. I never understood - our needs were so different, and I alwyas thought guys wanted it all the time - but our sleep-wake schedules were very different - he went to bed at 9 and got up at 4 - and I was on a completely different schedule because of kids and home. Also, he was a type-A workaholic, and brought his work home with him. If he could have slept with it, he would have. His career definitely took his mind off intimacy.
I would think sex would help relieve some of the stress - I know it did for me - but one has to get to the point where they're at least thinking about it, and he just didn't, much.
By your definitions, I feel that my husband is the girl in our relationship. It seems that I am the one who initiates sex and wants to have sex way more frequently than he is. And he gets very easily stressed out about money and life. When he's stressed he gets cranky and can't seem to concentrate on sex.
Still, we average out to about 15 times per month. That's 180 times a year.
Haha. I am so a man when it comes to this stuff. Lol. I want sex more when I am stressed out. Haha. I am the one in this marriage who wants sex more often. Lol.
@jesusmoshes2@xanga - I am completely in agreement with you. Lol.
Ten times a year?? Sheesh! Even when I'm uncomfortably pregnant and sex isn't all that fun, my hubby and I still average one to two times a week!
I'm a virgin, so IDK, but when I'm stressed I do want to cuddle and stuff more
I can't comment on this blog now; I have a headache.
I know stress for me makes me forget about it. I just finished finals for this semester and between those and work I was very stressed. Now I am finally able to relax, but things have definitely been dry for the last part of the semester.
@Amarisa@xanga - HAHAHA! You cracked me up with this.
I don't know about the stress and sex thing, however I do know that I'm not going to let that happen to my marriage. It seems like after the honeymoon-period is over with, things get dull and boring. They get used to each other, etc. I don't think I could stand that. Sure, the comfort part, yes. But the typical nonsense every night? No, things have to be shaken up.
Not even having sex once a month sounds quite a bit like a punishment, really.
@MlleBaroque@xanga - Happy to give you a chuckle!
You know sex is not exclusively only enjoyable to men.
I enjoy having sex too.
[btw. Im a female]
You make it sound like females are the ones not putting out.
Abit sexist and sterotypical wouldn't you say?
When stress becomes an issue in our house, its the opposite. He wants to get some sleep and I want to get physical!
...oh, and I can find a couple things more sexy that a man who takes out the trash without being asked...
Well, stress doesn't seem to stop my husband and I when he's here. &frankly, I'd go at it every night whether I'm tired or not. I think it's a tiny, tiny bit important.
lol, Blue_Dragon_Designs@xanga
that made me smile
@lethallyglamorous@xanga - No not sexist or stereotypical. I simply wrote what the research pointed out. Not every single couple will agree. For example, My husband and I arent part of this category.
@mrsprosa@xanga - Given that a couple can be separated but still married, and that such couples still describe themselves as married, and that those couples are unlikely at best to have sex, the presence of any separated couples in the study or studies will skew the results.
So maybe more couples are having sex (stressed or not) than that study shows.
As far as intimacy and divorce relate, my hunch is that they do, but that a lack of intimacy predating a divorce is a symptom of a systemic problem in the marriage rather than a causal factor in its own right.
Short version: maybe the same thing that's stopping people from having sex makes them get divorced. Stress would certainly fit the description...
John Gottman has the ablity to predict with over 90% accuracy whether a marriage will fail in the next 15 years from a short video clip of the couple talking.
@lethallyglamorous@xanga - The statement to men advising them to take out the trash was for any husband who feels that he isnt getting enough intimacy at home. More so, sarcastic advice. What women doesnt like a little help at home....But ahh yes, the divorce rate is huge, and i wonder how the divorce rate and the intimacy research relate (?)
damn i think i screwed up my comment.
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Yeah maybe I'm a little more manly in this perspective. Sex always makes me feel better when I'm stressed out. I think it like releases endorphins or something kinda like going for a brisk jog or a playing a game of basket ball.
I don't know though. Maybe I'm just weird. I'm pretty sure that's the way things work though.
I would say it depends on the source of stress...If one of us (or all of us, or the baby) is sick than sex kinda goes out the door. If it's work related sex or family related we generally do it more than usual.
We made a commitment that we'd do it at least once a week, we just feel it's important to stay close like that and not just let time slip away from us.
I NEED SEX WHEN I AM STRESSED. lol i really do. yes i get a little mean when i'm stressed, but sex is like a remedy.
roflmao
10 times a year...that is great! I wish it had been that often when I was married. WOW!
YES I DEFINITELY DONT HAVE MUCH SECKS WHEN IM STRESS'D OUT