Friday, 12 December 2008
-
I Can't Stop Feeling Guilty When I Try to Relax
Guest post by utlawgirl
On Thursday and Friday was a continuing education seminar in San Antonio which I attended, along with a coworker. This coworker and I are what I would consider pretty good friends, as much as you can be close friends with someone who is older than your mother. She has advised me on many matters relating to life, and I have listened and counseled and prayed with her as she walks through a divorce she doesn't want. We are both Christians and are similar in personality. I say all that to make it clear she is someone I like and respect.
But...
So help me, she does not hurry. She is single, her kids are grown and gone, and she just does not have the urgency that I do to hurry up and get things done. Like eating. Or getting to bed. Or driving. Or shopping.
But at one point, when our delay wasn't her fault but rather the night construction in San Antonio, and I was trying so hard not to show that I was feeling like rolling down the window and crawling out because I just couldn't stand to be in the car anymore, she said, "Well. This is an exercise in patience."
Ah, yes, isn't it though. And it's not as if we had anywhere to go but back to the hotel.
And that made me remember this blog I read on Simple Mom about taking time to just be. I struggle with exactly what she talks about - I don't think I have the ability to do anything relaxing without feeling guilty about everything I'm not doing that I feel I should be doing.
There is always laundry to be done, some part of the house needs to be cleaned, the children need quality time, the husband needs more attention that me giving him a list of to-do's and more conversation than, "The trash is full again," I need to earn more comp time at work to have more paid time off with this baby, the house needs to be rearranged and organized to make room for this baby, the family budget need to be updated, bills need to be paid online, Christmas gifts need to be wrapped, and on and on and on.
But then I found myself in San Antonio, miles away from the house, the laundry, the husband, the children, my job, and despite being free of responsibility, I could not stand that it took us three freakin' hours to go to my favorite Italian restaurant in the world (Paesano's), followed by dessert at Marie Callendars, all with a person who is perfectly pleasant to be with.
These past two days has made me realize that I need to learn to relax. Maybe if I follow Simple Mom's suggestion and schedule down time, and if it's on my to-do on my list, then I won't feel guilty, since it would then be something I can mark off the list.
Has anyone else struggled with this and successfully overcome it? Any tips on learning to leave it all behind for some down time (without having to travel five hours away)?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (10)
I'm still struggling. I have a hard time just turning off. Yoga and meditation have helped a bit. I just think it's my personality to just keep on going. The good thing is I always feel productive.
Thanks for the link!
It must be something in the air. Just this morning I made a vow to slow down and enjoy life a bit more. It is probably the most difficult thing for me to overcome. My husband is always telling me to simply relax, but I think I have forgotten how.
Thank you for the link. It offered many useful suggestions. Good luck!
It's impossible to just sit and relax...is there hope for us? Haha.
My only suggestion is to find a place or make a place in your home that is only for relaxing. Perhaps just an comfy chair in the corner of your bedroom where you can read your book. something that the only thing you do there is relax - no bills, no worries, not phone calls (unless it is to chit-chat with a girlfriend). Surround yourself with things you find relaxing - a scented candle or a dimmer light. Make it your escape in your own home.
(The problem is finding the time to fit making that spot into your busy schedule!)
You are speaking my language. My husband tells me I'm a bad relaxer, because I am generally still doing something, even when we are "relaxing". Thanks for the post!
I have been feeling the same way. Some people say it's the holidays that do this to us. I thought it was my pregnancy. Then I remembered when you said that thing about "just being", and I remembered a class I took about that theory. They say, "When you are reading, just read, don't think about anything else. Or if you are doing the dishes, just do the dishes. Think about the washing motion, the water, the soap. Don't let yourself be distracted." It's a form of relaxation, use your five senses when doing small things. It helps you slow down and get that guilt out of your head. It works for some people. I can't always get it to work for me though.
I got a taste of that for a month. I was drained. I don't know how a mother could do it.
I know it probably sounds horrible but really the only way I've found to relax is to watch TV. I"ll read too, but I've found that plopping down watching TV I can zone out, which is something that I hadn't been able to do with anything else. I've done yoga and meditation and I always end up creating lists in my head while doing them of the stuff I need to do afterwords, but for some reason that doesn't happen with TV. I used to feel bad about it but my boyfriend pointed out that its not like all I do is sit around and watch TV all day. So I think that everyone is different and you just have to find what works for you. I know one of my friends actually relaxes by vacuuming and another claims down by cleaning. I wish that worked for me, lol.
It's like you are in my head! I know what you mean...
I've actually suffered from severe burnout in the past because I couldn't let go of my To Do-lists. I hope this is a warning to you: it's not good for you, nor for your baby/babies if you never relax! But I know how hard it is, so who am I to preach, right? Still, I think we should all keep in mind that we, as moms, need to charge our batteries too, if we want to have any "juice" left to give to our loved ones...
The "put relaxation on your To Do list" seems like a good idea! I am actually scheduling time with my hubby now - we have found a reliable babysitter and are going to go dancing every week (swing dance lessons) starting January. I think I'll schedule a weekly "relax date" for myself, too. Maybe I'll do yoga, or maybe - here's a novel idea! - I'll just do NOTHING AT ALL.
I don't know how to alleviate the guilt, other than to remember that we need to get enough rest if we are to take care of others... Guilt is still a problem for me, too. You're not alone!
There is an excellent book (now out of print, but worth the buy on Amazon!) entitled "When I relax, I feel Guilty." It is such a wonderful book, simple, and informative on this topic. READ IT!