Friday, 05 December 2008
by Mama Hippo
It seems pregnancy is all around me these days (NO not me, I'm quite happy with one kid for now). One friend recently made her announcement, I have another for whom it's (hopefully) in the works, and this morning I found out that one of my favorite bloggers is also knocked up. Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
Unfortunately, weeks/months before that, miscarriage seemed to be everywhere. Various internet acquaintances were letting on to their experiences, and it was heartbreaking to read.
It's a usually-unquestioned wisdom of pregnancy that you don't share your news until you are out of your first trimester, which is considered the "danger zone." Those first 12-13 weeks (amazing how much debate still goes into seemingly simple things like pregnancy math... who knew) are when chances of miscarriage are the highest. Miscarriage is astoundingly common-- it is estimated that 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and I've read that every woman has probably 2 miscarriage in her life (though many of these happen before you even knew you were pregnant to begin with).
It's something that so many women experience, yet is hardly ever talked about. That's changing somewhat-- the aforementioned (or aforelinked?) bloggers are changing that stigma. And I completely understand that for many, if not most, women it's just be too painful to have to relay the dreadful news over and over to people who ask about their pregnancy, if the news was revealed "too early."
But reading about the experiences of these women, I also felt ill thinking of all the women who've gone through such despair and turmoil, mourning the loss of their would-be child, without ever telling anyone. Having to suffer alone, in silence. When a friend or family member, or heck even a pet, dies, loved ones flock in to provide support. But a pregnancy ending is treated as a dirty little secret. Does that make any sense?
I'm grateful not to have had personal experience with this, so I also may just not understand. With D, we told a small group of close family and friends pretty early on (6-8weeks) and told everyone else at about 10 weeks, after our 2nd ultrasound confirming that everything was going well. I wonder what we'll do next time, when it's time to give D a sibling.
What are your thoughts?