Thursday, 04 December 2008
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No Time And Too Much On My Plate, I'm Facing The End of Me
Guest post from TheSecretLifeofKat
Last night, Jimmy found me sitting in the minivan, in the hot garage, in the dark. I was having my own personal meltdown.
These past few weeks have utterly and completely kicked me in the rear. For various reasons it has been extremely busy and extremely difficult.
Last year, I averaged about 4-5 hours of “free time” each day while the kids slept. Time that I could use to shower, read the Bible, run, blog and have uninterrupted conversations with Jimmy.
Now, I have about 1 hour. And while I have been trying to simplify my life - I just can’t fit everything (or anything...) into 1 hour.
I’ve tried streamlining what I do. I’ve tried to be more efficient. I gave up designing web sites. I mostly stopped reading rss feeds. I’ve stayed up WAY too late just trying to get everything on my plate done. (Much to the joy of family and friends, I’ve decided NOT to give up showering.)
I feel like I’m hanging on to the very last thread of me.
And I can’t decide if it’s something I’m supposed to hang onto or not.
Part of me doesn’t want to be “just” a mom. I know that sounds horrible, but I’m just being honest here. I adore my kids, I love being a mom, I chose to be a stay at home mom and I wouldn’t do anything differently.
But part of me still wants to own a business. And run a marathon. And work in the music industry. And write an excellent blog. And change the world.
I daydream about attending conferences. I take my kids to the office supply store for fun. My brain is constantly barraged with various business ideas. The thought of working in an office from 9-5 makes me giddy.
Right now, though, I’m called to be a mom. Full time. And more.
Craft stores give me the hives. I can’t stand being interrupted. I’m very task oriented. And I enjoy going to the bathroom alone.
Can you see why this mom-thing is a tough fit for me?
Here’s the beauty in it all...I have never been more challenged, changed and refined than I have these past six years. And I don’t think anything but a mother’s furious love could have molded me into who I am today.
God has honored me with the task of raising these three beautiful children and I will give it everything I’ve got…
Even if it means the end of me.
(Although, if you ever see me at the craft store wearing a denim applique jumper...please intervene.)
Can any other moms (or dads) out there relate? Any advice? (If not, just pretend. You know, so I don’t look stupid. Thanks.)
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Comments (12)
tough it out? i can't really help you out :\ but think about it this way.. before you know it, you'll start gaining your free time back (middle school, high school, college..).
I've had my moments. There are days where I wish I could run out the door screaming and never look back (except to wish I would have packed my favorite book first.
)
I think life without rough spots would be really very dull. Having a tough time is the universe's way of tapping you on the shoulder and saying you need to find another way, any way but do it.
I've found a lot of inner peace by looking outside of the domestic box. I am a wife and mother but there is more that makes me who I am. Whether I spend 5 minutes or 5 hours of myself, I need to focus fully on myself when I do. Even a few minutes a day can keep you from snapping. You have to take care of yourself first before you are any good to anyone else. Make the little moments count to keep from losing yourself in the endless laundry, lunches and bedtime stories.
The best of luck to you!
You can be what you want. Maybe your family should mold to you and not you to them. You make your bed, make it how you want so you can sleep soundly and happily.
UGH! I KNow exactly what your going through! you need more YOU time dammit! get a babysitter, have yoru mum come round and look after the kids once a week or a fortnight or somthing, get out and do somthing for yourself have a whole nice day once a week or fortnight, YOU NEED IT! otherwise get the kids toplay outside int eh sandpit (if there old nuff) while you get some puter time for yourself, being just a mum is boring and hard, and you really need YOU time otherwise you do tend to get depressed and tottaly frustrated! I KNOW! been there! I have 2, NOT having anymore kids EVER! and my youngest is 3, cnat wiat till hes older (and potty trained, the little buggar) but yeh, you need your time
Being mommy is a tough job. Tougher than most think. I do the mom thing during the day and pretend I can be a student to have a profession by night. Things get crazy especially when I have a 4 page paper due and the kids have the flu! I demand major support from my hubby. It's given with ease since he is so eager to help. We also get out and try to relax at least once a month.
When things get really bad and I just can't escape, I ask the boys to play in their room for a bit so I can get a few things done.
In my opinion, when you're a mom, it's really unhealthy to be JUST a mom. Because, alright, you are a mom, but you are also a human being, you're also yourself. It'd be absolutely horrible to have no time to ones self. You need to keep yourself in tact while you have kids. It may be difficult, but it's possible, and it's worth it.
You pretty much seem to be around kids 100% of the time, minus when they're asleep. That's no good, you need to be around other adults, and you definitely need to have time to yourself, to do something that you want to do. You can't lose yourself when you have kids, it'd drive you mad.
Get a babysitter; I'm sure someone in your family (maybe a grandparent?) would absolutely love to babysit for you. Even if you only get a couple of hours to yourself (and with other adults, your husband, etc) a week, it would be absolutely worth it.
I think it is much more difficult in winter - because it is too cold and dark to spend as much time outside. Perhaps there is a local school that has a field with a track around it that you could use? Take some balls or whatever the kids like to play with. Have them play in the middle of the field while you run on the track. That way you can still see them - but you get to run too.
Is there a friend or neighbor that has kids also? Maybe you could schedule time so that they take your kids for 2 hours on Tuesday. And then you take their kids for 2 hours on Thursday. That way you can each get some alone time to do whatever you want (even if it is just a nap!). No paying a babysitter. And time to just be you.
Take one day and make different meals that you can freeze and then just throw in the oven later in the week. Or make something that you can eat one night and then use the leftovers to make a quick meal another night. If you dont want to do all of it in one day, double up on things you are making. Making a casserole one night? Make double - and freeze half for a couple of weeks down the road. It doesnt (usually) take any more effort to make twice as much and then there is only 1 mess to clean up, 1 amount of prep time.
I hope you find your balance!
I totally understand. Good luck trying to figure things out in your life - sometimes it's hard to get all the things in you want to.
OMG, I can totally relate!!!!!
I have a one year old and a one month old, and I fear I have lost myself inside me somewhere! Everything I do revolves around them, and involves a baby (usually two) strapped to my hip. I wonder if I will ever see me again, and if I do get a chance to look for "me" If I would even recognize myself!!!
@der_lila_Stern@xanga - For not being a mom, you sure do have insight!!!
I do the doubling up on the meals....
But I like the trade thing. I have my brother and sister that will live 8 blocks from me when I move back to Oregon, BUT...I have made the choice to not let anyone hold Danni til about 6 months old, and with that comes the responsibility of having her always....But there are days when I count till the 6 month mark!!!! Is that horrible??? Probably not, but I still feel bad sometimes!!!
@HisLadyofVirtue@xanga - thanks.
I cant wait to be a mom. Now if only I could convince Jim... 
Besides, it is a lot easier to say these things when you dont have kids!
No it isnt bad that you are counting to the 6 month mark. Babies are A LOT of work. I honestly dont know if I could do what you are doing, but I think it is a completely wonderful idea!
@der_lila_Stern@xanga - I know its phycolsomosis (is that the right word???) but sometimes even though making up a double portion isn't any more work, I FEEL doublely tired after doing it, and it just isn't worth it. But somehow just the fact that the end result is double makes me feel more tired. Or maybe I doesn't make me tired, I just NOTICE how tired I am because of how much is made....whatever the case, sometimes it ain't worth making more....!!!!