Monday, 01 December 2008
-
Holiday Cheer- Drinking Alcohol Around Children
by Mama Fox 
'Tis the season to celebrate. Parties happening everywhere, most of those include some form of alcohol. I don't think I've ever been to a mainly adult party without alcohol being there. When I was younger, there was always a little bit of drinking during holiday get-togethers and family BBQs. This Thanksgiving, the men of Papa Fox's family were sitting around a beer cooler. H only asked once what they were drinking and "It's an adult drink." was enough.
We don't hide drinking from our children. While I don't drink myself, my husband does on occasion. We both think that by drinking responsibly in front of our boys they will be likely to be responsible when they are adults. I have seen him tipsy once, that was his 21st birthday. He has never been drunk. He knows his limit and usually never even gets close to it. If we are out of the house, Papa Fox hands me the keys before he even takes his first drink.
But there are times when I think it's inappropriate. If I know there will be heavy drinking at a party, we don't go. Papa Fox and I agree that our boys don't need to be around that. Drunk adults don't have the best judgment. They say and do things that kids do not need to be around. Plus, I don't think people that are into that kind of drinking want to have little kids running around.
We have have a good time with a little drinking involved and everyone stays happy and safe. We just have to use good judgment and common sense before the tabs are popped.
How do you feel about drinking around children?
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (38)
My parents rarely drink, but once my dad let me have a sip of his beer; it was really nasty and I spat it out. Haha I'm one of the only people in my group of friends that refuses to drink any sort of alcohol, so maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea.
I don't drink around my kids. What you do in moderation.. your children will do in excess.
I don't see it as a problem as long as it doesn't get out of hand and inappropriate.
Like parents having maybe a couple glasses of wine at dinner.
Or a beer or two while watching a sports game... I don't see a problem with that.
I think it's fine to have a drink in front of kids, but not get drunk. I say this now but we'll see if this changes! I personally will miss red wine at the holiday parties but it's all worth it!
I don't see how it could hurt. At all. There's a lot of people who grew up in homes without alcohol around, who turn into alcoholics. In a turn, there are a lot of people who see people drinking and/or getting drunk who turn out to not drink at all.
A child seeing someone drink doesn't guarantee that they'll grow up to drink excessively themselves, it's ultimately the child's choice when they're grown up.
When I grew up I was around people drinking quite often, some of them getting drunk. I have no intent to become an alcoholic, or ever to drink outside of a glass of wine on special occasions.
I don't see a problem with a little bit of drinking around the children. As long as it's not a frequent habit, nor drunkeness occurs. My uncle was an alcoholic when he lived with us. And I'd been with him a few times when he got so drunk he was puking and still wanted to drive home. His girlfriend (who is now his wife) wouldn't let him drive ESPECIALLY because I was with them and would be in the car with the two of them. That was the last time he drank like that. And he generally stays away from it. But for my first memorable experience with alcohol (I was about 7) to show how sick and AWFUL he felt made sure I was going to stay away from it.
We choose not to drink and so this is not an issue but I will state that we do not go to parties where there is drinking and children period. I do not feel that drinking and the care of children should ever be mixed.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it if it's done in moderation.
@fireflysouth@xanga - has this theory proven true for you? Seems to me it would be the opposite. Isn't moderation (regarding both alcohol, food, spending, etc.) something important to teach children? It's like many things, children aren't born knowing what is right, but need their parents to teach them. Food might be an exception, many children self regulate very well, assuming they are only offered healthy options. I very often think about my adult habits and how they relate to what I saw growing up and am thankful that my parents were thoughtful about raising us and that they considered the far reaching implications of their decisions and actions.
I don't think it's bad when it's a family get-together for kids to see their parents drink a little. I don't think it's a good idea to have like neighborhood parties with all the kids there and most of the adults drunk. I used to babysit for this one neighborhood, and I would watch all the kids (along with help from teenage siblings) while they had their holiday gatherings. Sometimes it was even at the same house, but in a different area. It worked out well because the adults knew that their kids were well taken care of, and the kids felt like they were having their own little party with NO grown-ups!
@draco1531@xanga - Unfortunately, yes. My parents were
'social' drinkers. They might have a glass of wine for dinner. Sometimes my dad would have Gin and Tonic at night when he got home from work to relax. But NEITHER of them were alcoholics or abused alcohol. All three of us ended up abusing alcohol in High School and College. I never even knew there were people who didn't drink until I was in my early 20's. I grew out of this behavior without any consequences. So did my older brother. My other brother never did grow out of it. He became an alcoholic and eventually abused drugs as well. When he went through rehab, I went through several encounters with him. He confessed he would snitch the alcohol from my Dad's supply when he was just 14. I couldn't believe the wide range of adults in the rehab. Most started young. I had 3 children by then, and I decided to just stop drinking all together.
My brother didn't make it. He died at 35 even though he was off the drugs and alcohol for over 6 months. He left behind my niece who was only 5 at the time. She's 18 now and misses her Dad.
At this point none of my adult children drink (I have 7 kids ranging in age from 24 to 4) They have tried a sip of their grandparents wine, but just never developed a taste for it.
My advice to you would be, if you chose to drink, do it away from your home. Go to a party, go out to dinner but keep the alcohol out of your house. Or send the kids to their Grandparents if you want to have a dinner or socialize with alcohol in your home.
Interesting - we don't drink much at all and not in front of my son who is too little to understand yet anyway. We have friends though who had a few drinks recently with a meal then their 2 year old fell and hurt her leg and they couldn't drive her to the hospital - they waited til the next day and then found that her leg was broken - they felt awful. My husband always says if it not ok to drink and drive a car because it impairs your judgement then is it ok to drink if you are responsible for children?
I don't drink and I definitely wouldn't drink around my children.
@heatherkirk@xanga - Excellent point.
@fireflysouth@xanga - I personally believe that people become alcoholics or addicts to anything because they simply choose to. I wouldn't blame your parents for what happened to your brother. Yes, your father could have kept things locked up and such but since your parents weren't extreme drinkers they probably didn't think it would affect you guys the much.
I don't believe in blaiming others for problems. It mostly has to do with what you surround yourself with. Maybe if you didn't choose to party all the time and took yourself more seriously then the addiction wouldn't happen.
I think it's ok as long as no one is really drunk or buzzed. I think it's alright if it's just a glass of wine with dinner. But heavy drinking shouldn't be allowed around children. People who know they can't control how much they drink shouldn't even touch the stuff.
My parents drank responsibly in front of me and my brother and my dad even called my mom for a ride home once after going out to a bar with his work buddies. I think that had more of an impact on us then anything else. Even in college when I would get drunk I would either walk home or catch a taxi, sometimes I would even call a friend. It's important for kids to see certain things, they should see their parents loving each other (or at least being nice to each other if they are divorced/not together), they should see generocity, and they should also see adults partaking in and acting responsible around alcohol.
I have a theory that some (obviously not all) people that have problems with alcohol it is because they were not introduced to it responsibly or because they were sheltered from it. which I have seen a lot of both.
Thats my two cents... possibly three ;)
I've been drinking since I was twelve, but always in moderation. And, when I say in modertation, I mean no more than a glass or two of wine, save for times when it's just a few of us being silly, and we have already either designated a driver for those of us going home afterward, or everyone is staying through the night.
I'm not a big fan of heavy drinking, and I've never been truly drunk. My parents drank in moderation when I was growing up around them, and even allowed me the occasional drink. It did more good for me than anything. Because I was allowed access to it, I never had the desire to go out to big parties to drink or that sort of thing. Sure, I still look forward to turning 21, because I can actually go out and have a drink in restaurants with friends, and that sort of thing... but that's the only difference for me.
My sister is the same way. She is living with her father, who I know drinks, and she is allowed drinks from time to time as well. Because of that, she doesn't have the 'need' or desire to go out and drink with friends, or anything else of the sort.
For people who drink, I really see no issue with drinking, in moderation, around the children. I wouldn't recommend giving drinks to your kids, of course, as it's not really something society accepts, but that's a whole other topic. Most people learn things as they grow up by watching their parents. Parents being responsible in their actions is more likely to teach the children to do the same than anything else. As far as the occasional family where it ends up opposite... I highly doubt that has anything to do with seeing the parents being responsible with alcohol.....
I don't think there is anything wrong with drinking in moderation when there are children around. (My husband will have a drink at night a few times a month probably..with me, a few times a year maybe - I have never been a drinker.) Both of my older children know what alcohol is and that it is OK if adults drink a little of it, but that it should not be overdone. I have a brother who has been in jail a few times (and is currently there) because of DUIs (I think he is on his 5th or something like that) - so they know one of the things that can happen if you choose to drink too much and be irresponsible. My sister gives me heck because I have told them why he is in jail and she thinks that is inappropriate. To me...they ask where he is and want to know why, I am not going to lie to them. I tell them the age appropriate truth.
@fireflysouth@xanga - I can see where you are coming from, but don't think you can look solely at the environment when talking about what kids will do when they grow up. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters. My parents drank when we were kids (I don't remember them ever being drunk, but my mom almost always had brandi and cola at her side). I have some siblings who have chosen to drink in excess and some, like me, who
VERY RARELY drink. I didn't have a drink of alcolhol until I was like 23. So while that does play a part in it, I don't think it is the sole factor.
Here's a good article on the subject of Parents, Alcohol and their kids. http://www.drugrehabtreatment.com/parental-influences.html
Thinking that what you do and how you behave .. such as: drinking alcohol,
smoking, being short tempered, as well as good things, being loving, kind,
patient and charitable.. will not have any effect on your children is
unrealistic. Kids will model your behavior.
Of course, if you are a parent... then you are old enough to make the decision about what you allow in your home and around your kids. The hard part about parenting is that the results of how well you are doing as a mom or dad don't really show up until your kids are older.. teens to adult. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try to do what's right, kids will make their own decisions.
@bassangel@xanga - I agree!
@fireflysouth@xanga - Good point!
For Husband, he refuses to drink more than the occasional sip of wine, and I do mean SIP! He was brought up around people who did drink to excess and people who drank in moderation. He just does not enjoy drinking. He does not even see the point in it. Though he would never stop any one else from drinking responsibly.
For me, I was raised around parents who drank occasionally. On Christmas, a glass of champaigne, or wine was fine. A daiquiri or margarita now and then. Never to excess and always with the understanding that it was an adult drink. There was never any driving afterwards and at least one adult who did not drink anything stronger than milk just incase. My parents were open and honest with me about it.
I believe that children will eventually learn about all things from their friends, so you may as well get to them first. Give them good information and be honest with them. They will make the right decisions. But if you try to hide it from your kids and make it a huge taboo, they may wonder what the great secret is and get in over their heads in something they can't fight.
My grandfather and uncle are alcoholics, and my father and his friends drink heavily whenever they're together, which is frequently. Not to mention I see my grandfather and uncle at least once a week.
I'm only fifteen, and I've been around heavy drinkers all my life, so when I was younger I'd assumed all that drinking was ok. Now that I'm older and can see the reprocussions of it, I've second thought that position and decided that I'm going to try and remain abstinent from alcohol. My grandfather was probably the biggest influence in this desicion, since all his drunk antics always end up with him getting kicked out of where ever he is, or embarassing and insulting everyone.
Most kids will experiment with alcohol at one point in their lives, but how forbidden are you going to make drinking? The more forbidden the more excessive in my opinion. My mother drank and let me have sips and eventually glasses at family functions and I've never felt the need to abuse alcohol. However every parent-child relationship is different. Use your best judgment.
I think if my parents had been more willing to let me try sips of their drinks instead of shoving the idea that even looking at alcohol would kill me, I wouldn't be drinking like I do now. Being told something is absolutely forbidden only makes teens (including myself) more tempted. Drinking at family parties in moderation is fine in my book.
@fireflysouth@xanga - I'm sorry your brother died, and at such a young age. Sounds like he really struggled most of his life. If not drinking at all or around your children is what you choose, then I can totally understand why. However, in general, I still feel that what parents do in moderation will not cause their children to do so in excess and hopefully I won't be proven wrong.