Sunday, 23 November 2008
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Criticized for Breastfeeding in Public
Guest post submitted by Mudpies_and_Butterflies
Okay, so this morning I took the kiddos to Walmart, it was going alright until Logan (15 months) needed to nurse. Which is perfectly okay, but usually he is okay to not nurse while we out and about. Since his teeth are coming in (5 of them) though, he has been needing to nurse and cling more.
Once we got to the frozen food section he started to lean down and try to "root" around, getting upset. I looked around for some benches to sit and nurse him, and this is when I noticed an older woman (probably mid to late 50's) looking at me.
She was sitting on one of the benches that was about 20 feet from me (the benches were back to back). I was glad that the other bench wasn't taken so I made my way over there with a flailing Logan and a now upset/hyper/acting out Melody (she gets like that when her brother starts getting like that, and gets a bit riled up).
So I sit and grab my nursing blanket from the diaper bag, fling it over myself, and let Logan nurse. Melody was starting to get hyper/wiggly/upset so we started to play our "Red Light, Green Light" game that we play while I'm nursing in public (if there is room enough) when I know she worked up and wont sit quietly beside me. So we start playing and everyone is happy and relaxed.
Not a minute into our nursing session, out of the corner of my eye I saw the lady kind of turn around and look at me (we were sitting on opposite ends), so I kind of turned around and smiled and said "Hello". She gives me a sour-ish look and promptly turns away. I'm like...'Okay'? But I shake it off and continue playing red light, green light with Melody.
The lady turns around again, and was staring at me. I ignore her this time because of her previous look that she gave me. Then she asked very loudly and rudely, "Excuse me, but isn't he a little too old to be nursing?" I couldn't stand her tone. I turn around and look at her
"Um, excuse me?"
"You heard me...That is just disgusting. Not only are you in public, but that child is practically a toddler!"
And she goes on and on as I just kind of look at her, completely amazed at the crap that is coming out of her mouth. Then I noticed it. My secret weapon to bring this lady down.
"And look at your other child, running amok, can't even sit properly"....blah blah blah...People are starting to stare now..."and YOU, you can't be over nineteen. What are YOU doing being a mother, such a disgrace!"
This was too hilarious. Seriously. Before she can draw a breath to continue, I say very sweetly...
"You know, you should really make sure that you don't have lipstick on your teeth before you try to butt in and belittle people, because it REALLY makes you look like a big jackass when you are trying to be mean and have it smeared all over your front teeth. And by the way, aren't you a little to old to be acting this way in public? My daughter is 2 and she has better manners than you."
She kind of just looked at me for a couple of seconds.
"I do NOT have lipstick on my teeth! You're just saying that to try to distract from your horrible parenting"
A nice lady came up beside me and said "Yes you do...Seriously, go look". And she bursts out laughing, as do I, next is Logan (because he laughs when other people laugh), and Melody (because she never wants to be left out).
The rude old bat turns around and stalks off.
The nice lady turns to me and say that this was the funniest thing that she's seen in a while, said that I had beautiful children, and complimented me on keeping my daughter under control while I was nursing. We chit chatted for a little bit and then went our separate ways.It was seriously a scene out of a movie. It was just so surreal. I've never had a complete stranger be so rude to me! I just don't understand how a person could be so judgemental to someone they have never met in their life. I'm kind of flattered that she thought I was 19 though...
.Have any of you had an experience with an extremely rude person that was a complete stranger?
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Comments (115)
[YAY! I got first post!]
Although NOT related to parenting, I did have one time when an adult (I was still in elementary school and we lived on a Naval base) told me I was "bad luck" because he lost a pinball game while I was watching from the side - not interfering. I was shocked and hurt, but I knew he was wrong, just the same.
As for you! YOU are an awesome mother! I don't know how old you are, but even if you WERE 19, to have the sense to cover your son and to have a game for your daughter to keep her occupied shows that you are a GREAT mom. That old woman was way to set in her ways, it would seem. Too cranky and oblivious to see past her own distorted perspective.
Kudos to you for trying to be civil and beat her at her own game! :D
I want to add that you did the right thing. Your baby son should not have to suffer and go on being hungry like that just because the general public has some sort of taboo against it...because the feeding has to somehow expose your breast. I mean, come on. We have over-sexualized the breasts far beyond what they should be (breasts ARE amazingly beautiful parts of a woman's body...that's why I like them so much. But I WILL stick to my wife's. :D ...when I get married). It's not your fault that God designed the breasts to also serve as a feeding place for your child. It's NOT a bad thing, either. And Melody is a 2-year-old. Children at that age WILL get hyper and have their moments. You found a way to channel that energy she had into a game that kept her out of trouble and made her feel like you STILL had time for her even when you were clearly taking care of Logan. I help my girlfriend raise her 3 children as best I can, but I still have a lot to learn. What you did was amazing. I would stand at your side and defend your right to nurse in public ANY day! (And as if my pic isn't enough to prove, I am a man and I totally support you on this issue.) Breast feeding IS the best (unless there happens to be some sort of medical issue that makes it not so good...but I don't know anything about that really...just thinking aloud). So to deny your child would be the real sin. That old lady needs to get a clue.
And I wish I could meet Logan and Melody. I LOVE kids! (I admit, sometimes I am a child...at heart. lol)
haha that's hilarious, good comeback! it was nice of the other woman to step in too
I don't think its that bad as long as your covered with a blanket and the baby is also.
Nice work with the comeback, and I agree with AmazinGuy - good mothers have a plan for dealing with life in public. You have a plan, therefore you're a good mother.
Good for you! I'm sorry she was so rude to you, though.
ugh i hate people that have problems with breast feeding. i don't see why you even need a blanket! what's wrong with people? you don't know that children drink milk and women's breasts are designed for that sole purpose?!
good job standing up for yourself.
Oh my goodness I cannot believe she said those things to you! That was incrediblly rude! I think breastfeeding is as natural as breathing, when I have kids I plan on breastfeeding my children. I guess you'll have people being rude and inconsiderate like that. I mean it's not like you pulled out your boob without covering or anything....goodness....at least there was someone nice to counteract what mean old bat was saying.
WOW. She is so rude, but you have a very good comeback! I have no problems with breast feeding in public either.
Sounds like you are an awesome mom to me. You handled everything beautifully :)
Oh my goodness! I have to say you handled that soo well! Props to you! I think old women who are rude like that probably never nursed a day in their life. They had kids when formula feeding was the big thing to do and breastfeeding was looked down upon. Don't even worry about what she said. It's perfectly normal for babies and toddlers to nurse for as long as they need to. There is no legal cut off age! Good for you!! Thanks for sharing this! I will keep that in mind in case it ever happens to me!
I think its great you covered up. Im not a fan of seeing boobs in public, and dont really think my children need to see it either. That I DO have a problem with. But you sound completely considerate, I dont see what her problem is.
@hotpinkstarberry@xanga - Even if she didn't cover her son, I still think it would have been alright. Simply because it wasn't lude - just a natural need being met.
Maybe that old lady wasn't breast fed by her mother. That must be her problem.
You did better than I would have. I didn't use a blanket to cover up. I wore clothes that made it discreet enough. My son didn't like nursing under a blanket. He got too hot and would pull at the blanket.
I can't believe some people. I had an older lady tell me in the grocery store when I was pregnant with my first son that teen pregnancy was disgusting and I should be ashamed of myself. I had a wedding ring on...she must not have noticed. And besides the fact...I was 23 at the time!!
I think breastfeeding in public is fine, as long as a cover is used, as some people said. Even if someone feels it should be okay to breastfeed without the cover, it's still considerate for everyone else. It's the happy medium, if you will - kids get fed, no one has to see boobs they don't want to see....what's the problem? That woman was very rude, good thing you stood up for yourself!
I have no problems with nursing in public, blanket or not. I don't understand what the big problem that a lot of people have with it. It isn't sexual in nature whatsoever. My son once observed a woman nursing in public and I used it as a teaching tool instead of rushing him off acting like it was some horrifying scene. You did the right thing. Your child needed to eat and you fed him. Good job mom
Covering up or not is not what makes you a good mom. You attended to the needs of your children....that makes you a good mom. The OP covered up likely because that's her preference, not all moms want to, nor do all babies tolerate it.....I have always tried to be considerate of others but of course babies are the top priorities of mamas....if seeing a bit of flesh is too much for you, really those are YOUR hang ups and there's no amount of consideration on my part that's going to help you.
oh, and as far as the rude old biddy, you handled it very well.
Breast feeding in public...go for it! Haha! Don't mind it one bit. I guess certain generations don't applaud the wonders of nature like others. Hell, breastfeed and recycle!
Oh, man. This is the kind of conflict I would find myself in and I can't keep my mouth shut ever! I'm a peace keeper but for some reason these kind of conflicts excite me and I want to jump in. If I were not the main character like you were I would have definately been that woman who jumped in on your side, haha! Must be all the Irish blood.
There was a time without Canatation good start, do you think people thought breastfeeding was disguting then?
Ok, as far as rude people. When I was a child I suffered from Tourette syndrome and it caused me to make an array of strange clicking noises in my throat. In elementary school I had a teacher, well aware of my condition, that would kick me out of class almost every day. It hurt my feelings and made me think something was wrong with me, all grown up and still carrying the condition mildly, I use it as a mean of expression and take humour and feel empowered to it. People are often fasinated by me.
Another time, I was at a fancy and expensive store. I looked nice but not expensive. I wore nice clothes but my jeans definately didn't cost 200 dollars, you get my drift. Anyway, an employee came up to me and asked me to leave the store immediately. Think of that scene from Pretty Woman...except my clothes are just cheap and not like that getup Julia Roberts was wearing.
I think you're an amazing mom!
Great job standing up for yourself, other breastfeeding moms and breastfed babies & toddlers!
I will admit breastfeeding in public bothers me a bit (which is weird for someone like me who can watch raunchy movies with ease), and I prefer if mothers took the infant to a bathroom, but I know that's not always the most convenient situation. However, I commend mothers who are prepared and have a blanket; otherwise, I just feel awkward.
what is it about pregnancy/childrearing that makes people think their butting in/opinions are not only acceptable but warranted?
i'm glad you nurse your children (and that you pay enough attention to them to know and understand what they need and when they need it- good parenting!!) and i think it's up to you to decide when they're "too old". and, medically/scientifically speaking, fifteen months is still short of that mark. which is not even the point so much as the fact that the lady should have minded her own damn business.
argh.
:)
I dont care if someone is breast feeding her child covered with a blanket, but idk, if they arent covered it just disgust me, maybe its because I still dont have any of my own? really dont know why, but I feel like thats something to do more in private.
Some people says that you have to let the kid to choose when stop nursing (I saw a documentary about some 8 year old that still does it), but I think that 15months is too old to still being nursed.
whatever my opinion is, that lady was really rude to you, if she didnt like what you were doing she could leave and go somewhere else. Your comeback made me laugh, she totally got served.
Although I don't believe in breastfeeding in public, I don't like rude people. When I see someone breastfeeding in public I just look the other way. I mean it's not my business to come down on another woman who chooses to nurse in public. Although I personally wouldn't do it (ya know it's all about choice)... no one deserves to be treated that way.
Are you Serious?!?!?!!!! That is the nastiest, rudest encounter I've ever heard of! What Nerve the Old Battle Axe had!!! (not that 50? is that old.... hey, I'm 50) I don't think I would have handled things as well as you had anyone ever been so condescending & rude to me when I nursed the dd in public. Actually I never had anyone say anything about it....... Bravo for you & your quick wits & response!!!