Wednesday, 12 November 2008
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Abortions Are Not Birth Control
by Mama Bee 
*DISCLAIMER! Yes, this is about sex. Yes, I feel how I feel. No, I'm not saying EVERY girl is like this. I'm just talking about THOSE girls that are*
Ahem. *steps on soap box*
My biggest annoyance as a female and mother is when girls get pregnant and then say they didn't want the baby. If you're having sex, what do you think is going to happen?
I've heard it all: "I was on birth control" or "I know my period, I track it and I know when I'm ovulating" or "I trusted him to use a condom or pull out".
My issue is this:
You're having sex. You're taking the chance of getting pregnant, catching some STD, AIDS or HIV. I've always looked at sex like a big decision. Maybe I'm uptight. Maybe I'm paranoid but I didn't have a baby until I was married (which was planned) and I've only had sex with 3 men in my 25 years of life. I'm proud of that; these days, it's cool to sleep around, have a sex tape or have a baby. It makes me heated to see that. I don't think it can be blamed on the parents all the time. Have some self-respect.
I knew this girl that had 3 kids, 2 that she didn't have custody of and one that she only saw half of the time. She got pregnant one after another with guys that she didn't know long at all. She was pregnant with almost every guy she dated and either had an abortion (she had one that I know of) or miscarried but thankfully gave birth to 3 kids.
I've talked to my doctor about birth control and other methods and he always tells me the same thing: "Birth control is 99% effective. Yes, there is that 1%, but more than likely, they aren't taking it correctly or skip a pill and try to double up next time. So they don't feel like an idiot, they blame it on the fact that their 'birth control didn't work," which is almost always a lie."
I made sure the guys I had sex with not only used a condom EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. But I took my birth control at the same time every day, too. I knew that at 19 (when I decided to have sex with my boyfriend of 4 years) that if I had sex, I would have to be okay with dealing with the consequences, no matter what they were.
People that have sex and then have an abortion make me sick. Literally, sick. You made the decision to open your legs; don't kill that baby because you want to get your rocks off and not take care of your responsibility. Abortions aren't birth control. Mind you, I'm NOT talking about rape victims or incest or anything awful like that. I'm talking about these girls that sleep around and kill baby after baby because they're "not ready". If they're not ready for a baby, how is it that they are ready for sex? They're not ready but they are ready to kill their child?
On a show that I was watching earlier, this girl was upset that her daughter's father had custody and was going after support. This girl doesn't pay anything, still lives with mommy and daddy and doesn't work. She used the excuse that she had no money to pay him, but her Manolo Blahniks told another story. Towards the end she said, and I quote (I even wrote it down): "I didn't want her. I would have had an abortion if you let me! YOU WANTED HER - YOU SUPPORT HER! I was having fun, I didn't want to marry you, let alone have your kid." *shivers* Let me start by saying, ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
That poor child. That poor, poor child. She didn't ask to be brought into this world. She definitely didn't ask to have them as her parents. That is exactly what I'm talking about, though. Where is the responsibility? You made this child; take care of it.
I've taken the liberty of giving you 5 surefire ways to make sure you aren't THAT girl:1. Be safe - if you're going to have sex, not only because of pregnancy but because you care enough about your life to protect yourself from a disease that can be life-changing, be safe. Those 57 seconds aren't worth it if you're getting a bum deal with something you don't want and didn't sign up for. Use a condom. Double up with birth control. You can't ever be too safe.
2. Be prepared - take your birth control, get your IUD, take your shot, whatever it is that you do but do it correctly. It will work for you if you take it as directed. Make sure to carry a condom in case he conveniently doesn't have one. Otherwise, decide if your baby boy will be named after his daddy that you've only known a month (or week...or hour) or maybe she can be named after your mom.
3. Be responsible - if you get a baby out of that night that you were too drunk to remember, take care of it. If you aren't in a position to take care of him/her, remember that there are so many people that would love to have a baby but can't or that would love to adopt your baby. And I'm sure they could give them a better life than you think you can. Let someone have the chance to love your innocent baby.
4. Be smart - If you can't handle anything that comes along with that steamy night, keep your legs shut. Use protection with your mind and body. Don’t fall for the "I can't use a condom, they're uncomfortable" line.
5. Be educated - Education is in these days. Smart is sexy. Know what your choices are. If you cant remember the pill every day, get an IUD or Depo. If you are allergic to latex or blueberry condoms, get him tested for STDs before sleeping with him, get to know him; at least know if he is worth it. ASK ASK ASK! You'll feel stupid until it comes back that he has some weird STD that makes your nose fall off like Michael Jackson's did. Would you rather feel silly or lose cool points by making him get tested first or breathe a sigh of relief when you didn't get those herpes? Relief. Look at other options on protecting yourself for that one night or down the road.
And for Heaven's sake, ladies, if you're going to have kids, take care of them. If you get a STD, don't spread it.
*steps off of soap box*
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Comments (471)
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!
YES!
Well said. Too many girls dont respect themselves then they wonder why no guys respect them either.
YES.
Completely agree.
You said it better than I ever could. This is exactly how I feel.
Wow, you go..tell em!!!
Totally impressed, totally agree with you. This is well said and well put together!!!
I was just having a conversation today about how this country seems to advocate not having to take responsibility for your actions. Children are growing up, for the most part, having no idea what it means to have consequences. Even with STD's they are so common now that it's not that big of a deal to get one. It's not like in the "old days" when getting an STD or getting pregnant meant that you were shunned by your peers and the community. 17 year old actresses are getting pregnant and talking about how wonderful it is and how they are so happy they had the baby. Of course I would prefer the 17 year old to have the baby as opposed to having an abortion, but it is glamorized.
I mean when our own President-Elect says that if his girls make a mistake and get pregnant he doesn't want them "punished with a baby" so they should have wide open access to abortions on demand----I really don't know how we can expect there to be standards anymore. Except to try and teach our kids the right way to do things and to have respect for themselves.
Its cool to have sex, a sex tape, or a baby.....
hmm. Too tell you the truth I havent heard that one yet. No one I know has ever been like "Holy jesus! I need to make a sex tape!"
and while I would be shocked at first to hear that someone hasnt had sex at my age (Im 19) its not unheard of and its definitely not looked down upon. We think it's actually kinda cool and inspiring that they want to wait for someone thats right and we think its awesome that they have such a strong will.
The baby thing? No one has ever told me its "cool" or "in" to have a baby but I have met two girls who wanted (and are now happily raising their) children.
I have no idea where you got this information from. Probably a twisted 12 year old who still hasnt gotten the idea that being an individual and having your own ideals is, in fact, the coolest thing you could bring to school. (those were, in fact, the people who everyone seemed to like because they were true to themselves and others and knew what they wanted)
As for abortion? My page makes it fairly clear that I have no problems with it. The only problem I do have is when its used as birth control. 3 abortions? Then yea... you're probably a maladjusted whore.
But accidents happen. And when I had sex and got pregnant at 17 I made the responsible decision by getting that abortion and making sure a child didnt ruin the rest of my life. I refuse to have a child unless I know I have the chance to see it, hold it, kiss it, and help take care of it for the rest of its life. And I refuse to give it up for adoption.
Abortion, to me, is really an issue that will never be fixed because the root problems is morals. And you cant really force your morals on everyone.
So while you think accepting the baby is responsibility, to me, responsibility means being able to make the right choice on wether or not you're going to keep it. Bearing in mind that you DO have to take care of this child for the rest of your life.
I totally agree with you. There's this girl that works with me found out she was pregnant. She told everyone that she was. Then she goes and has an abortion. She was 5 months along. She said that she told the nurse who did the last ultrasound before the procedure that if the baby was a boy she didn't want to go through with it. Well the nurse gave her opportunity to know and she didn't want to know. After the procedure they told her the baby was a boy. She hates herself every day for the stupid decision she made. And there are people at work who ask her everyday about how the pregnancy is going. It's something that she has to live with for the rest of her life. But I guess she hasn't learned anything from this because she's going back out having unprotected sex and she tells everyone about it too. Crazy!!!
@thinkin_up_dreams@xanga - @DWLsMommy_05@xanga - I also agree with you. Im pro choice, but the two girls in the cases you mentioned are trully out of their fucking minds. They SHOULD know better ....
I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! This is exactly how I feel about it. Sex is a big deal because there are a lot of things that can come from it, a baby being one of them. And why should the baby be punished by being murdered just because the parent doesn't want to take responsibility?! Ugh...it makes me sick.
I agree with you completely.
i am pro-life
if you arent responsible enough dont have sex!
I am waiting until marriage
I am a teenager and I cannot agree with you more. I am against abortion (except in those unusual circumstances). Teenagers today just look for the easy way out. They don't want to be accountable for their actions, even if their actions produce another human being. I mean, HELLO! what did you think was going to happen, seriously. Narrow minded teenagers that only care about carnal desire and disregard the consequences that come attached. It makes me FURIOUS.
@tsukiouji@xanga - thanks. It means a lot. like I said, it shouldn't be used as birth control and the girl (AND GUY!!!) should be ready to deal with any consequence life gives her.
Unfortunately what Im expecting to see is a majority of the comments beingl only be pro-life. What people dont understand is, that until science can give a point as to when life starts, not everyone thinks the fetus is a baby. And not everyone (like me) thinks that its always best to let the child be born.
If you can't take care of a baby, how about closing your fat legs?
@KarmasNemesis@xanga - Hell yah i agree. Get up off your back if you don't want to get pregnant.
What makes me sick is people who get on their soap box and vilify the female. You don't know know every person or every situation. I've never had an abortion, and I hope I don't have to. But I'm not going to deny someone who wants one, nor am I going to condemn someone whose had one.
It always comes down to: She should have kept her legs shut! What a wh*re! Take sole responsibility for what needs two people to create! I'm sure it's easy to give it to the father/up for adoption/to her parents, why doesn't she do that!
One woman I know has never had an abortion. She's had two children, and her mother raises both, and she's proud of that. Because from what I can tell, she only likes being pregnant, not raising her kids. The grandmother raising them is a harridan who screams at them half the time, while raising her own young child along with her daughter's. How is this better?
And you can flame me all you want, my mind won't change and neither will yours. Good luck with life.
While your tips for not being "that girl" as you say, are well put, and certainly unwanted pregancies can and should be prevented, we live in a society that thankfully has decided than neither the government, nor anyone on a soapbox can make decisions about our bodies. Women have the right to choice what they do with their bodies and they do not have to justify it to anyone. Others, like many of the commenters, will clearly judge them, but luckily you are only the "judges" and not the legislators.
I'm with you. I think if you make the ADULT decision to have sex, and get pregnant, then you need to become an ADULT and take care of it. Unless you didn't know that sex causes babies, then you have no excuse. I think people who get abortions because they didn't want the baby to ruin the rest of their lives..I'm actually glad they did it. They're too selfish to have a baby, and being a parent is about being completely selfless. I could only imagine the crap the baby would have to go through.
Now although I can not speek for all situations and all women and can speek from what I have experienced. I had a friend find out she was pregnant the same week I found out 3 days before infact.We were both in college and had both been dating our boyfriends for under 4 months and we were both full time college students and had full time jobs. I understand yes we were not being careful she frequently messed up her pills and did not use back up and me well I used the pull out method. Thinking that well my previous boyfriend and I were together 9 months and I didn't get pregnant so why should it matter. Well it did and I got prego just like my friend. Well unfortuently we made two completely different decisions I decided to become a mother at the age of 19 and she had an abortion at around 10 weeks. I was heart broken when I heard about it but she says she does not regret it and she was not ready and still wanted to party and finish college eventhough her mother said she would help and even raise the baby for her til she was out of school. Although I do not condone abortion I was not in her situation and can not speek for her. However, I personally could not have done it and I still am continueing my studies eventhough I am a mother to a beautiful almost 7 month old boy.
THANK YOU. Exactly.
@Fairywife@xanga - at least you see my point lol
@Sadiana_SaDiablo@xanga - and thanks for putting that out there!
People think that because they would have taken care of the baby that everyone else should too.
Well Im sorry but they cannot speak for everyone else, and thank god they cant!
I have to say that I agree with this post pretty much 100%. And yes, it is as simple as keep your legs shut if you don't want to get pregnant. If you choose to have sex, you are taking that chance no matter how safe you are. Let's say you are as safe as you can be, yet you end up with HIV. So, ultimately, you are going to end up dieing from this and it is generally not a pleasant death that can involve many other illnesses not to mention you now have the potential to infect others. Your life could be pretty crappy from here on out. So, should you be killed? j
I don't understand that agrument about a fetus not being a life. If it has a beating heart, how is that not considered a life. And, though I know this opinion is not at all highly accepted, I havea hard time agreeing with abortion in the case of incest or rape. I went through years of sexual abuse at the hands of one of my brothers and I remember mulitiple times I feared I may be pregnant. I know that would be a hard thing to deal with. But to me, it is just adding another victim to the situation and putting even more weight on the woman. There are very few women who are able to have an abortion and then not spend the rest of their life thinking about that choice.
I am not going to "judge" those who make this choice, but I also can't say that I agree with it.
@NurseJenna - I find it interesting that, in this case, you are all about the woman's choice and not being judgemental. When you seem to be of the opinion (from previous posts) that things like HIV testing of pregnant women and vaccinations should be mandated by the government. Where do you draw that line?
I'm a mother of four--two biologically, two adopted. I am so, so, SO glad the biological mothers of my children decided not to kill their babies. I look forward to the day when science catches up to the TRUTH that babies are living human beings, not mere fetuses (rather like science eventually caught up to the truth that the earth is not the center of the universe, the earth is not flat, etc--we simply can't put our faith in (or base our morals on) science which is based on fallible man). That said, the past is the past and it's not my place to stand in judgment of anyone who has killed their babies because they aren't ready to be parents. Just please keep in mind that there are people waiting with open arms for the babies you don't want if you do happen to get pregnant.
@sidewayslife@xanga - The line is when the safety of others is affected by an individuals actions (the idea behind public health). HIV testing and treatment of mothers greatly reduces the chances that her child will contract the virus if the mother is positive. Therefore we are neglecting to act and our failure to do so puts others (the baby) at risk. The same for vaccinations--not being vaccinated puts others at risk (I hope I won't have to explain why again because I spent a lot of time on that one). Therefore, the health of the public is in jeopardy if vaccinations are not mandated. However, the life of the already existing person takes precedence over the life of the not-yet-born according to how the constitution has been interpreted and what this means is able to sustain life independantly outside of the womb. People claim there is a blurry line to this. Perhaps. But I believe my views on it are consistent. Individuals should have rights which should not be infringed upon unless exercising those rights causes harm to others (and by others I mean people capable of living independently outside the womb). This is why I am also in favor of mandatory informing of partners when people test positive for certain STDs (which is currently the case for syphilis). The person's privacy right who has the STD takes lesser importance to the person who has a right to know they may have potentially been infected.
As one of those idiots that took her pill every night at 9pm (the alarm on my cell was set so that I never forgot or took it late) and still ended up pregnant? Bite me. I know two women whom have gotten pregnant while using Depo and one with an IUD (which you might want to look into if you're going to preach for it...pregnancy with an IUD usually ends up in termination of the pregnancy whether that's the woman's desired result or not.). Gee, they must be really dumb skanks to mess that one up, huh?
Making such agressive blanket statements is ignorant at best and I'm shocked Momaroo supports this.
Is it really better for a child to suffer in countless ways because they weren't wanted than to end the pregnancy before the fetus has brainwaves? (*sigh* Let the scripture flow and then go read that part of the constitution about separation of church and state and get back with me.) An ideal world? Yes, everyone would hold off on having sex until they were ready for a child. They'd all be mature and responsible enough to handle it if and when happened. Or at least be willing and mentally able to give the child up for adoption. This world that we're in? Is no where near perfect. If it were, perhaps people would also know better than to pass judgement on others whom they don't know with nasty blanket statements and just worry about their own perfect little lives.
@Sadiana_SaDiablo@xanga - Well said. I can think of several people that had kids when they shouldn't have and have seen various end results...none of them "good". Heck, one of the little boys is showing red-flag behavoir for turning into a serial killer. And why? Because his parents didn't want him and were guilt-tripped into not having an abortion by the same self righteous people that get on these soap boxes. Everyone is so quick to throw out "adoption!", but that's clearly not an easy answer either or we wouldn't see so many people with kids that obviously do not want them.