Wednesday, 12 November 2008
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Dear Father of My Children...
Guest post by jediwa72
Dear “Sir”:
It’s been 11 days since I last heard your voice. This could only mean that it’s been 11 days since you last called your children. With that said let me turn to the 5 a.m. text messages I received from you last night…(you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t seem overly sympathetic…must be the pregnancy hormones!).
Your first message received at 5 a.m. reads, “I miss them so bad L”, and your second received at 5:30 a.m. reads, “I can’t stop crying.” I must know…is this your attempt to play on my sympathy? Because it isn’t working.
Let me point out first and foremost the fact that you live 2000 miles away by choice. You only see your children on school breaks because that is what you chose to do. In addition to your marital infidelity that is.
Second, you have one responsibility…you. I would say you have another…but you haven’t been keeping it, as child support is 2 months late. I hope you’re enjoying your new Xbox 360. Which reminds me, how long ago was it that you sent your old Xbox 360 in the mail for your son? He’s still checking for it….EVERY. DAY. Because, well, you told him you were sending it…and daddies don’t lie.
Third, you get paid how much a month!? $3000.00!! Holy cow! And you live with your parents and have no financial disruptions other than yourself and gas. Oh my, no, no….I won’t once again mention child support. Here I plan to mention the fact that your cell phone bill remains paid. You know which one, the phone, the nice fancy new one, the LG…the one you use a few times a month to call the kids you miss so much. Yes, that one.
What? Why don’t I MAKE the kids call you every day before they go to bed? Oh, I give them the option…I really do…every night at 8 o’clock on the dot (sometimes I am just a few minutes late), I say “do you all wanna call your daddy?”….Obviously the majority of the time they say “no, we’ll wait till tomorrow.” Or “we’ll wait till he calls us.” They’re waiting.
Which reminds me, I had your son call you first thing this morning. Yep, the moment his eyes came unsealed at 7 a.m. That would be exactly 1 hour and 26 minutes after your last text message. You didn’t answer. He left you a message though. Yeah, it said something like “hey dad, I really wanted to talk to you. I haven’t got my Xbox yet and I really want to be able to play with you and the boys. You haven’t called me much lately. (At this point, he says his name as if he is signing a letter)” and he hung up. I understand you’re 3 hours behind us, which makes it 4:40 your time, right this minute. All that crying must have worn you out.
BTW, because I know it will come up again. You’ll say what you said last year when you went through that phase when you didn’t call, you know, when you said, “how hard is it for you to find 5 minutes every day for them to call me before bed!?” Do you remember that? I am pretty sure I responded with, “Yes, how hard is it?” Okay, about that. Let me tell you about my day….
I wake up at 6 every morning through the week and I get both kids dressed and on the bus. I usually get a phone call before noon to go pick up H because she’s “sick”, but for some reason when I get there she is surprisingly healthy again…she just missed her mommy. She’s so worried I’m gonna have this baby and she won’t be there for me! Anyway, considering she actually stays at school the whole day she’ll be home by noon though…which of course means lunch must be ready! We usually go all girly until Z gets off the bus at 3:40, at which point he goes straight downstairs for a snack and to get his homework done. I have him doing chores these days, seeing as he is the man of the house (that’s what he claims anywayJ). He usually takes out the trash and cleans up any cat cans off the back porch. Then he’ll empty the trash from the bathroom and pick up around the house. He’s actually a big help…especially since I am 7 and a half months pregnant and have a jacked up hip. (WHICH REMINDS ME! I have 4 doctor appointments this week! Holy cow, right?) Anyway, back on track, so the kids usually have some play time before their baths, which take place separately of course. Then greased up, pajamas on. We sit and read a few books and chat for a bit until they doze off. OH CRAP! I forgot to call you! In the midst of all that taking care of ONLY me, I forgot to set my alarm just before the kid’s bedtime and call you! I AM SO FREAKING SORRY!
Oh btw, H has had the flu twice in the past week. I went on and got her flu shot last week but she got sick again this week. Yeah, twice. But don’t worry, I only got woke up a few times to her vomiting her little guts out. And yeah, she did accidentally dirty some britches…but don’t worry, no biggie, it was at a convenient time for me. I love being woke up at 3 a.m. to regurgitation. (You obviously know how much I love being woke up…seeing as you felt it necessary to let me know you were crying at 5:30…thanks for that.)
Oh Oh, AND Z, he finally learned to whistle. Yeah, you missed it.
Oh gees, all this stuff, must have been slipping my mind…he got straights A’s on his report card! And his team won the soccer championship the other day!
And the kids finally passed that level on Scooby Doo that they had been telling you about. But then again, that’s old news, all of that really is…seeing as it all happened last week. I’m sure there is more, I’m just a bad mommy and can’t keep up with it all right now.
One more thing, you know those pictures I uploaded 3 weeks ago on that joint account? You haven’t by chance had time to look at those yet have you, I know the last time we talked, 11 days ago, you still hadn’t managed to find the time to go upstairs and login. Well, let me know what you thought about them! I know H was super excited for you to see her Christmas photo shoot! So sorry I haven’t posted any since…it’s been kind of hectic taking care of me.
Sincerely,
Jess
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Comments (18)
**Deep sigh**
So many things run through my mind. One is, I need to pray for this family. Another is...I can relate. My dad wasn't across the country. No, he was only about an hour away, and the situation was similar. And then there is the father of 4 of my children, well the story is different there but the feelings of a father that is more concerned with himself and his own well fare than that of his children seems pretty much the same. And on top of it...you are pregnant!?
**Deep Sigh**
Praying for you and your children.
My only thoughts are "What a jackass!" And "I'm sorry both you and your children have to deal with him!"
*sigh* I've had my share of that. I still do. I'd really love to say "Go F Yourself" and move on.. too bad we can't do that.. gah
Your kids are blessed to have a wonderful mom like you. You wouldn't feel so frustrated if it wasn't for the fact that you want them to have the best of everything...including a dad that's involved.
Wow, this gave me chills.. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a jackass.. my thoughts go out to you and your family. Props to you for being such a good mommy..
fucking jerk, he reminds me of my sperm donor. both of them NEED a reality check.
:( What an ass wipe! I mean, calling kids IS such a huge responsibility and all. What kind of parent would want to call their children? What a hassle! ;P
Am I correct in assuming that this shitbag is the father of the baby you're pregnant with now, and that he cheated on you during your pregnancy? Because if he did, he's worse than a shitbag, really. He's certainly not any kind of a man.
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to MAKE him want to be a good father. Even if you manage to guilt him into it, guilt has a tendency to fade, and eventually--a week later, a month later, a year later, whatever--he'll go right back to his old ways.
What you can do is go through the court system to make sure he's paying every single penny of his child support and alimony. Other than that, it seems you're already doing everything humanly possible (and then some). From your entry, it seems like you're being a great mom to your kids, giving them all the love and support and time that they need to feel safe and secure and valued.
I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but my father was much like your ex-husband. Now that my sisters and I are all grown, we don't have anything to do with him. Now he's the one begging for our time, even just a word from us (while still refusing to admit any wrongdoing or take any personal responsibility for anything), spending holidays alone, having his phone calls ignored and his letters and emails go unanswered. He hasn't gotten a card or a note from any of us in ages, and I, personally, haven't spoken to him or seen him in years. Hell, the last time he even knew my address was five moves and four cities ago. All my child-to-parent love goes to my mother. She was the one who was there, who loved and still loves me, who actually cared about what was best for me when my father was more concerned about himself and the slut he'd been cheating on her with for years. Like I said, I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but eventually, your kids will know who was their parent and who was just a genetic contributor. And at that point, they'll have dealt with it, realized he's the problem, no one else, and your husband will "get his".
wow......
That was beautifully written... I hope you sent it to him too. Props to you... your life sounds like it mirrors mine...
my heart goes out to you. I hope you remain strong no matter what. Continue being the great mom you are!
Wow! You're a strong one. One day your children will move you to tears with their appreciation...
I want you to know that my oldest daughter's father is eerily similar to your ex, although it's been years since he voluntarily called her and even longer since he's paid child support...so I completely understand where you are coming from! Just take solice in the fact that one of these days your children will realize that he's as big an ass as you know he is, that's what I try to do! Keep your head up!
I'm in the same situation as you. I just wouldn't stress it out too much. If the father doesn't want to take responsibility of the children, then let it be. As long as you're a good mother to your children, then that's all that matters and they'll see that and love you for that.
I wish I could say something to make the situation better, but I don't think anythign could change that asshole. My sister is in the EXACT situation though, so I promise you're not the only one.
My situation was not this bad, really. But I definitely felt the frustration of a father who didn't call or write as often as he was supposed to. I gave up after a while, of course. My father was in Saudi Arabia... I saw him every year and a half or so. And, sure, he kept up with the major holidays, and my birthday. But, beyond that, not much.
It changed when I got to be around 16/17... when I was closer to him... and after I lived with him for a year. But, even then, he still didn't contact me as much as a father really should, imo. With my father, though, I think it was more just being busy, or caught up.
We talk a lot more now, of course, and we're building the relationship I wish we'd had forever ago.
I'm sorry that things are this way with your children's father. Knowing the frustration I felt then, I can only imagine what they are going through with their father, and what you are going through trying to be the good mother I'm sure you are in the midst of everything. My mother always tried to make me feel better about the times when my father wouldn't write or call back for weeks, and sometimes months, on end. I know you are probably going through the same.
Just know that, when it comes down to it, your kids will know who was there for them. And, when he tries to step into their lives as he's almost bound to do eventually, he's going to have a much harder time than he thinks.